bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

A Slave to the Weed.

June 27th, 2007 by Bekah Brunstetter

images.jpg

There will be no just ‘cutting back.’ There will be complete cessation. You will simply just no longer go to the bathroom.

Going to the bathroom is bad for you. There is a good chance you could one day die from it. You will feel better once you no longer go to the bathroom. You only started doing it because you wanted to feel sexy, older, invincible, and now you find yourself doing it all the time – with no memory of why you even do it.

You feel like you have to do it. Like you need to. But secretly – it’s a want. Yes – once you stop completely – you will feel the old urge creeping up – you see toilets – toilet paper – other people doing it – everywhere, reminders. But you will remain strong. It is not a habit, it is an addiction. It is something you are USED to doing.

There will be no cutting back. You will just stop. You will find your life to be better. You will have more energy. You will no longer be a slave. And soon enough – you will no longer have to go to the bathroom.

Aha.

I think that this is how Smokers feel when they their loved ones demand – or they demand of themselves – to stop. This is really how it feels. ‘ You want me to stop what? But – but that’s a thing that I DO. You don’t understand. It’s a thing that I’m used to doing.’

It really is like somebody telling you like you should no longer breathe, it’s dangerous. Stop peeing, immediately. If you could only see your lungs! If I could only put them in your hands!

The thing is – you can’t tell a smoker no. You can’t reason with a smoker. They know the consequences, and the more they know them, the more they choose to IGNORE them. You could place the dead body of a lung cancer victim on their lap. More than anything, in that moment, they would want a cigarette.

Obviously what really needs to happen is a total re-vamping of the mental attitude towards the cigarette. It is not a best friend, a reliable friend, present at parties, after huge dinners, with wine, without wine, early morning, mid-afternoon, right before bed, walking to work, 45 minutes before and after the gym, in dreams, in anxious twitching of the feet and hands.

It is – instead – something unnecessary. Not evil, per se – this the wrong way to go about it. If it’s EVIL – then we want it. More than anything. If you try and quit this way – it’s like you are constantly DENYING and DEPRIVING yourself. When you see other people smoking, you are jealous. If come to learn and realize that you don’t even NEED it – it’s like you never gave anything up – you just changed your life for the better.

I believe in God, in the cute ignorant way that conflicted kids raised in Religious homes grow up to embody. But I do. And lately – random people on the street keep yelling at me to quit smoking. Well- sometimes they yell- driving by in a van – sometimes it’s a quiet thing – mumbled as they pass. And I am really not imagining it. I really feel this message coming on strong – there’s never a right time, so the time is now.

Maybe I feel all self-help and guru-ish because I’ve been reading Alan Carr’s ‘Easy way to Quit Smoking.’

This book really makes me feel less afraid is is changing my whole attitude towards my – er – dependency. I don’t want to cry about it anymore – I just want to try.

images-11.jpg

Posted in books, factual smarts, sucking, vices | No Comments »

Leave a Reply

Bekah's Info

Plays

Links

Recent Posts

Categories

Archives