bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

The Dangers of Drunk Biking.

August 13th, 2007 by Bekah Brunstetter

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(Disclaimer: I am totally guilty of this.)

Um. Apparently, there are a LOT of reasons why you should not bike drunk. Such a plethora of reasons, even that WebMD has created an entire video Aid as to why you should not Scotch it up, and then proceed to Bike it up.

Now, I am not much of a hypochondriac, and have never really been one to attempt to diagnose myself online, so I am not terribly familiar with this thing we are calling ‘WebMD.’ Today, I decided to peruse it. I have learned that wheat bread is giving me cervical cancer, and that Overweight kids miss more school, and that I really want a Big Mac right now. I, however, did not recieve any sort of lollipop for my troubles, which is disappointing. Also, I would like to suggest to WebMD that there be some sort of window in which you can enter your social security number, to find out whether or not you are pregnant, Aids-ridden, or destined for sickly servitude.

Anywhoo. This video in particular uses the terrifying tactics of science and factual stuffs and whatnot to try and convince the commonbike person to please not booze n ride.

But perhaps you are not convinced. I will now present both sides of the argument, to be fair. This is a little thing I like to call ‘Didactic Journalism.’

Reasons why drunkBiking is Totally Awesome:

– wind through your hair
-A Quicker, more effective, less DUI-y mode of transportation to/from bar
-The general over-whelming cuteness of oneself on one’s bike, which proves effective in the attraction of the opposite sex (especially if you stink all man/woman good)
– Going down a hill and saying something like ‘wheeeeee’
-Returning to one’s youth in a very Simba-esque circle of bike-life type situation
-burning of fatmojito calories
-Going down a hill and screaming something like ‘haHA! Je BIKE and you do NOT!’ At passerby’s.
– ‘Taying’ in the wind (See Nell.)

And then, reasons why Drunk Biking is Totally Not Awesome:

……Death.
Um – Death.

So, right. Death. If I love you, and you ride the bike, please do not boozNcruise. I will hunt you down and cut you for trying. Careful out there, the bikers. We are no longer young.

Posted in factual smarts, i am scared, vices | No Comments »

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