Sup, kooks!  (kook: n: people who hang around surfers but aren’t good at surfing, see also, myself:) As a writer, my absolute favorite thing about surfing is in fact NOT the actual act of surfing (v.: to shred the gnar,) or the DOLPHINS THAT SWIM RIGHT BY YOU, but in fact making up surf words and terms and saying them with great confidence and with frequency in hopes of tricking actual surfer people into saying them. Surf is by far my new favorite language, one that is constantly growing and evolving, and one I’ve decided that I can contribute to. A few favorites from today:

Commitment issues: when a wave only takes you  a little ways. Ex.: Bruh that wave had commitment issues, we flirted a bit but I didn’t seal the deal.

Rockabye: when you’re really good at surfing and you actually catch waves and ride them and at the end of the ride, you just sort of  casually step down off your board into the water. Ex: aw man, that ride was so smooth I rockabyed right off it.

Carve that Christmas turkey: when you know which way a wave is gonna crash so you paddle with in the right direction. Ex.: I carved that Christmas turkey with a real sharp knife,  bruh.

I took that wave home to meet my parents. When you take a wave all the way to shore. Ex: Bruh did you see that? I took that wave all the way home to meet my PARENTS!

Let’s go get some tacos. When you’re doing surfing and then you want tacos. Ex.: let’s go get some tacos. OKAY!