bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

WOE IS NOT YOU

April 29th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I tend to have way too much empathy for people who perhaps don’t deserve it. In the secret parts of my head, I oftentimes empathize with bigots and murderers and terrorists and people who pee on toilet seats.  But so help me God, I can find NONE EMPATHY for women who are having a hard time conceiving their EIGHT MILLIONTH CHILD, as I so desperately just want ONE. I want to empathize, so bad, as it’s under the same umbrella of sadness that I’ve felt, but even attempting to do so gets me so angry. And so when reading the abyss that is Pregnancy Internet, and I come across a ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me my other nine children are perfectly healthy and I got pregnant with each of them just by drinking a Beer looking at my husband That Way and NOW I CAN’T SEEM TO HAVE MY NINTH CHILD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME’ I feel the opposite of empathy, which is Stab (AND YES, PLEASE NOTE THAT I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO ASK FOR YOUR PITY IF AND WHEN I, AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE, HAVE TROUBLE CONCEIVING A CHILD WHEN I ALREADY HAVE ONE, AT WHICH POINT YOU CAN RE-DIRECT ME TO THIS POST.)

Posted in a lot, babies, I am furious, i am scared, i have peace, whining, women | No Comments »

TWO HEARTS / TWO DREAMS

April 27th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Last night, Morrison had an epic home invasion dream in which he accosted a creepy, dangerous trespasser who was trying to force entry into our house, and by accost, I mean he reached for his hatchet and hacked the man in the neck with a clean, concise movement, because Morrison, both awake and asleep, is always protecting us. I, OTHER THE HAND, DREAMT I WAS EATING A GIANT WAFFLE WRAPPED AROUND A GIANT PIECE OF FRIED CHICKEN, BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS FOOD.

Morrison

Posted in a dream is a wish your heart makes, a lot, boys, food, generally, ha, love | No Comments »

a pity

April 25th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

If you were NOT the kind of child who was raised with the kind of delusional narcissism and wonder that compelled you to tie a note to a balloon and release it into the air, in hopes that it might reach some foreign country, only to find out that it made it as far as Greensboro, but still a very nice man found it and thought it was just as a big of a deal as you did, and so you kept the letter to look at in moments when you need to remember what it’s like to believe that good things can happen, THEN I TRULY FEEL SORRY FOR YOU, JUST LIKE YOU FEEL SORRY FOR ME FOR NOT KNOWING HOW TO NOT WRITE RUN ON SENTENCES.

Posted in a lot, memories, YAY | No Comments »

Ever wonder

April 23rd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Exactly how much a group of mostly Jewish and overtly health conscious LA actors and directors and producers and TV writers straight Up LOVE Honey Baked Ham?

IT IS APPROXIMATELY THIS MANY:

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Try and Come

April 21st, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

HAPPY MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY!!! In celebration of Christ’s resurrection, WE ARE ACCIDENTALLY HAVING 100 PPL OVER TO OUR HOUSE FOR HONEY HAM BECAUSE LIKE 90% OF THE PPL WE INVITED ARE COMING, WHICH NEVER HAPPENS, BUT YAY.  While scrolling through the RSVP’s in slight terror, I encountered one of my favorite ridiculous things that people say: I’m going to try and come. What does this even mean? You either go, or don’t go. How do you TRY and go? Is it like a person  TRYING to leave their driveway, but their car is blocked by a giant boulder, so they Try and move it, but can’t, and stay home? This is Try. Or maybe Jesus trying to exit his tomb to get to his I’m Alive again Party, that he definitely RSVPed for, but he can’t move the Stone. Sorry y’all. I tried to come, but I could not. 

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, holidays, how interesting, YAY | No Comments »

How to know you’re a medium old Potato

April 19th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Instead of matching tattoos YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS GET MATCHING PAJAMAS

YOU FIND THEM AT TARGET WHEN YOU’RE DOING A QUICK STOP FOR FLO-NASE AND PAPER TOWELS

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW TO EVER NOT WEAR THEM

OR AT LEAST, THIS IS WHAT YOU TELL PEOPLE, SO AS TO ENSURE THAT YOU NEVER HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR HOUSE, EVER AGAIN

 

Posted in a lot, what I'm wearing, YAY | No Comments »

GROWN UP EGG HUNT

April 17th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Morrison and I are in prep mode for the giant Easter potluck / egg hunt we’re hosting Sunday, in which we’re going to revel in all of our friend’s children for four hours THEN POLITELY ASK THEM TO LEAVE SO WE CAN WATCH GAME OF THRONES ALONE. In the invite, I called it an ‘all ages egg hunt’ which I’m realizing is a terrible idea, as obviously, the grown ups will find the eggs before the children. But as a thought experiment, I’m making a mental list of the things that would go inside of Grown-up eggs:

  • Tiny succulents
  • Midol
  • Tylenol PM
  • Weed Gummies
  • Passwords to private links to indie short films
  • Squirts of hand sanitizer
  • Claritin
  • Boullion cubes
  • Xanax
  • AND OTHER REASONS WHY THERE SHOULD NEVER BE A GROWN UP EGG HUNT

 

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, holidays, how interesting, i am a grown up | No Comments »

WHY TO BE CRAZY

April 15th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’ll admit that maybe I spend TOO much time in my head playing out worst case scenarios, versions of the world in which things go badly because you did not meticulously plan.  Planning is, or least sometimes can be,  the opposite of Disaster. And so when I heard that we were having our last Charleston meal at Hominy Grill — a fixture known for its fried green tomatoes and sausage gravy — on the SECOND TO LAST WEEKEND BEFORE IT CLOSES FOREVER — naturally, I panicked, assumed that we would never get a table and would have to stand outside of the restaurant in the heat with no water and or bathroom and our life-long friendships would be ruined and we would starve to death and never see our husbands or children ever again. AND SO, I insisted that we get there at LEAST 30 minutes before it opened, at which point I did a drop and roll out of the moving car to the hostess’s stand. The courtyard was already crowded with other like minded people who approach eating at Restaurants like tactical warfare. I shouted my name triumphantly at her, panicked when Blaine and Carrie took over two minutes to return from  parking the car, then hovered by the hostess with a racing heart, assuming she would call my name and I would not hear it.

THE RESULT?

Fried Green Tomatoes with House Ranch

Pork belly black eyed Pea cakes with tomato cumin sauce and poached eggs

HOMEMADE OATMEAL CREME PIES

WHO’S CRAZY NOW?!

(ME /  IT’S STILL ME /  IT WAS ME THE WHOLE TIME)

Posted in food, generally, ha, whining, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

let’s do a Fun One

April 13th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Currently seeking submissions for my new coffee table book LET’S DO A FUN ONE! In which clusters of girls on girls trips take 900 pictures and then five more and then say LET’S DO A FUN ONE! And each girl interprets ‘fun’ differently depending on her nature

LIKE MAYBE SOME TURN INTO MONSTERS

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

I SEE YOU FAYETTEVILLE

April 11th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

In Fayetteville, NC to see MY NEW FAVORITE PRODUCTION OF CAKE (NOTE THAT THEY ARE BASICALLY ALL MY FAVORITE.) It’s a largely military fam community, which has seen some serious revitalization and surge of local businesses in the last 20 years, namely:

PLEASE NOTE THE BELOW STORE, CALLED “AMAZON” IN QUOTES

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

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