bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

Uhhhh huhhhhh

March 13th, 2014 by Bekah Brunstetter

THANKS JOY!

(MY COWORKER FOR SENDING IT, AND ALSO THE FEELING THAT IT GIVES ME WHEN I LOOK AT IT)

Posted in Uncategorized, women | No Comments »

SPROUTS: A TRAGEDY

March 12th, 2014 by Bekah Brunstetter

Waiter: hi, what can I get for you guys?

Me: Glass a pinot, and the brussel sprouts.

Waiter: We’re out of brussel sprouts.

Me:….

Waiter:……..

Me: I — I don’t understand —

Waiter: We don’t have them tonight.

Me: I — but that’s literally why I’m here.

Waiter: We’re out. The cauliflower is / really

Me: BUT I WANTED THE SPROUTS.

Waiter: Please stop crying.

Me: But. But.

Waiter: what If I brought you a nice warm donut covered with hazelnut ice cream?

Me: (sniffling) I don’t know. Maybe that would help.

Waiter: Okay. I’ll do that but maybe you should talk to someone about this. Like, professionally.

Me: ….Sprouts.

Posted in a lot, awesome, food | No Comments »

Why to have Baby

March 12th, 2014 by Bekah Brunstetter

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HEY I WROTE A BOOK

March 11th, 2014 by Bekah Brunstetter

A few years back, at the peak of my (newly retriggered / WHERE ARE YOU, MALAYSIAN PLANE???) flying anxiety, I wrote a self help book entirely while on planes, to soothe myself. Book people I showed the product too said it didn’t contain enough factual information and maybe should be a memoir so I put it aside and forgot about it, but was reminded of it because of  recent tragedy (BUT REALLY, WHERE ARE YOU.) The book will probably never get published, but I love it, I really love it. I love what I was able to work through while writing it. And so, I’m just going to email it to whoever wants to read it, and also put parts of it here. See below for my profound and moderately informed chapter on How Planes Fly.

Physics?

Okay, dummy. I know that understanding the physics of flying won’t wipe you of worry entirely, but it can definitely help you a bit. And now I, Bekah Brunstetter, whose college GPA was lowered .5 points by science alone, who cannot point to her spleen, who cannot name stars, will explain to you – in layman’s terms – the Physics of flying. Let’s get f**king nerdy, you guys!

Let’s start with Bernoulli’s principle, and also take a moment to celebrate that that was absolutely the nerdiest sentence I’ve ever written in my life. Celebrate. Onward! Daniel Bernoulli was a Dutch-Swiss math genius (1700-1782.) Dude was so smart, his father (who pretty much invented calculus) at one point kicked him out of the house for essentially beating him in a science fair. Bernoulli’s principle is pretty much what keeps planes in the air. It’s not luck, it’s not prayers, it’s not irony, it’s physics.

This principle states that when fluid (air) moves around moving object, low pressure is creating above the object, and high pressure is created below the object. This high pressure keeps the object in the air.

So that, I’m positive, makes perfect sense. Welp, not entirely. Almost. Let me back up, because I’m really smart and have much knowledge to share, and a lot of overcompensating to do for the fact that I kind of don’t know how to do anything but write and bake bread.

It may not seem like it, but air is a fluid just as much as water is. Scientists apply the same principles to both substances, and oftentimes, theories of aerodynamics are tested under water. Basically, a bird swims through the air. A fish flies through the water. They’re interchangeable. They’re essentially the same thing. ….except for gravity. But: Bernoulli’s principle is what keeps planes in the air. What fights gravity. The force of the low pressure above the wings, and the high pressure below the wings, cushion the plane and keep it in the sky.

So, when we’re flying, we’re not just floating in mid-air like it might feel, ready to plummet at any moment.  The air is keeping us there, and there will never suddenly be no air. We are resting on something. Something is above and beneath us. The atmosphere. Identify it: make it something friendly, tangible and real. Fluff! Koolaid! Mattresses! Call it what you will. It really helps to visualize that you’re on that substance, especially during turbulence. Some douchebag is just jumping on the mattress to show that the red wine won’t spill on his wife’s silk pajama’s. That’s all that’s happening. BERNOUILI! I did my homework. Am I a Scientist Yet?

Posted in awesome, books | No Comments »

Announces T-shirt Company

March 10th, 2014 by Bekah Brunstetter

I amused myself to no end on my drive to work this morning brainstorming shirt ideas for my new company, Inspirational and Declarative Gym Shirts that you should Probably never Wear outside of the House. Favorites

– ONE TIME I HELD A PLANK FOR ALMOST TWO MINUTES

– ARE YOU MY HUSBAND?

– TO CALL WHAT I DO RUNNING IS AN INSULT TO RUNNING.

– I <3 FRIED KALE

– THIS IS SO I CAN EAT LASAGNA TOMORROW

– I WAS REALLY FAT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

– IS IT WINE YET?

– DONUTS!

– I WANT ADVENTURE AND ROMANCE BUT FIRST I HAVE TO GO TO THE GYM

Fear not: I will not quite my day job. But like let me know which one you want.

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YOU KNOW?

March 9th, 2014 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’ve noticed that I’ve developed this pretty awful language / speech tick, mostly at work, in which after I say something, or pitch an idea, I then immediately follow it up with, you know? as if it say, I NEED IMMEDIATE APPROVAL AND CONFIRMATION THAT WHAT I JUST SAID IS TRUE OR GOOD. I really need to stop doing that, you know?
YOU KNOW?!

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Grief

March 8th, 2014 by Bekah Brunstetter

There’s a plane missing somewhere off the coast of Vietnam, somewhere between Malaysia and Bejing, having most likely plummeted  into ocean during the ‘safest part of the flight,’ with 240 people onboard. When I first read about this last night, my brain did this deeply naive and illogical and selfish and very American thing that I hate: I immediately thought, oh, phew, it’s another country, I’m safe. I’d like to take this moment to check myself, and try again: this is terrible. Terrible. My thoughts and prayers are with every person on that plane and every person who loves them.

Posted in i am scared, life | No Comments »

Bekah Can live by Bread Alone

March 8th, 2014 by Bekah Brunstetter

By God: I will hike and climb and lift and spin and surge and jog and squat every possible thing so that I might eat bread, because: Bread, more specifically, this flakey and buttery and just made breakfast croissant. THE DAY IS MINE!

Posted in food, generally | No Comments »

Ahmed

March 7th, 2014 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on I Watched a Documentary and now I am an expert on Insert Subject of Documentary: I had the horror / pleasure of viewing The Square, which follows 2 years of Arab Spring protests in Egypt:  the occupation of Tahrir Square by peaceful protestors in Cairo, which, of course, turned violent and bloody. It’s beautifully shot,  (nominated for Best Doc, lost to the Backup Singers Doc, see side conversation, is the Best Doc category about which Issue is most significant, or is it actually about the execution of the film?.) It really puts you There, and captures a divided nation coming together for a shared goal (but then, also, their re-division after an election of a Muslim President.)  Amidst all of this, my most unshakable takeaway is this guy, Ahmed, one of our spirit guides through the story:

We see him lament, weep for his country, rally friends, inspire hoards, shout until he looses his voice, run through the street towards bullets, get shot in the head, survive, wrap a scarf around the wound as to not disturb his mother, grow out his hair,  keeping fighting. His passion and conviction are deep and poetic as if he was Written. I now feel weirdly attached to him, like he’s a boy I once kissed who in that tiny moment changed me completely. Is it weird that  I want to make him dinner  as he declares and rants? And then I realize I’ve run out of tea, and I kind of freak out a little bit, and he says that is your problem? and I say yes, yes Ahmed, that, right now, is my problem and he pauses, smiles: well, that is a very big problem.

Posted in famous people stuff, i am lucky, le film | No Comments »

DICK PIC!

March 6th, 2014 by Bekah Brunstetter

Be happy you are not my coworker because today, I am amusing myself to NO END texting them scandalous photographs.

SCANDALOUS!

Posted in awesome, famous people stuff | No Comments »

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