I’m shacking up with Gretchen, the Assistant Director on Widow, in Logan Square. She’s at work all day, so I get to walk and hang out with this guy, Tony! He’s the best. He’s a sweet beagle / Lab mix. Hobbies include hiding my running shoes, sticking his face in my face, looking out the window, and crapping on the living room floor right after I’ve walked him. I AM SO GOOD WITH ANIMALS (I am not good with animals.)
It was nothing against the Chicago Museum of Contemporary Art, or the art itself, it’s just that there’s one part of the Joseph Cornell exhibit where they’ve put out bean bag chairs on which you are forced to chill and watch the ocean.
Post nap, I played my favorite contemporary art museum game, ‘I could do that.’ For example, coulda done this:
Coulda definitely have done this:
Did this yesterday:
I spent some time this past week on some fear of flying websites, attempting to self-medicate. People, I am one freak-out away from begging my gynecologist for Xanax. Which would probably cost me around five hundred bucks. Anywhoo, there are actually a lot of what seem to be Pan-Am era retired stewardesses with websites, dolling out fear of flying advice. And more than one suggested that you bring something to do on the plane, like a book! Or a magazine! Or a Puzzle.
B. Like your favorite book is going to distract you from your EMINENT DEATH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
C. A puzzle? Really? Why would you bring a puzzle on a plane? Does that not sound like the worst idea ever? Or is that the point? You are so angry with yourself for TRYING TO PUT TOGETHER A PUZZLE ON A PLANE that before you know it, you’ve landed?
I’m in Chicago to see Widow! I really like it here. So much. This is the only city that I feel like I might want to live in other than NYC. I don’t know what it is! What is it, Chicago? I don’t know! I just LIKE you!
Last night I was able to catch the Tenant a second and sadly last time (see also: The Tenant, have I mentioned this yet? It’s a site specific meander-through-a-beautiful-old-church-while-six-different-plays-happen-all-around-you type situation. The design is INCREDIBLE.) I penned a lonely and needy concierge, but last night, I decided to stalk the Crippled Girl. Jocelyn’s a core member of Woodshed Collective and ALSO plays a mean Crippled Girl. She’s odd and devastating. I found myself in a back courtyard watching her do the weirdest, saddest ‘exotic dance’ you ever did see, for coins, after she and her mother get kicked out of their tiny apartment. I sat there thinking – one day, in theory, these days – watching a crippled girl dance exotically on a weird back porch on 86th and Amsterdam – will be the Golden Years. We’ll be in books, people. WE WILL BE IN BOOKS!*
*pending the non-end of the world come 2012.
Today on things that I discovered that I really didn’t discover, flavored seltzer water! Or, funwater. Look at her! Look at how much FUN she’s having! I recently can’t get enough of it. It’s a healthy way to trick yourself into thinking you’re drinking something bad for you, be it sugary or with vodka. Also, I’m really into how, when it’s really cold, it kind of hurts to drink. I mean, if I’m going to drink something other than water, I want it to be fun, painful and cold, or hot and coffee like.
In case you woke up this morning wondering JUST HOW important I am, it’s pretty important. In fact, I now have a whole table in my room just for scripts.
That’s pretty much it.
Hey fatties! I’d like you to meet one of my favorite ways to eat craploads of pasta. We might even call this a ‘recipe.’
First! Boil a crapload of pasta. Preferably it’s a giant pasta that’s so giant it makes you feel like a giant italian grandma, like a ziti, or those giant shell things. Simultaneously, make a crapload of sage butter. SAGE BUTTER!!! Put a crapload of butter in a hot pan. Just when you think it’s enough butter, fattie, put a tiny bit more. Take about 30 sweet little sage leaves and place them in the butter until the little guys wilt. JUST before the pasta is fully cooked, put those giant guys straight into that butter with a bit of the boiling water. Stir and stuff. Last but not least, sprinkle / pour / dump about a cup of pecorino romano cheese all over that stuff, and stir. THEN EAT IT, FATTIE! YOU EARNED IT!