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LEAST favorite part of job. Getting screamed at by old ladies over the phone.

mean old lady: HOW DARE YOU CHARGE SUCH OUTRAGEOUS PRICES? HOW DARE YOU? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! THIS WON’T DO AT ALL!

(Pause.)

Me: ……….

OLD LADY: THIS WON’T DO AT ALL!

(Click.)

….Come back Aaron!!!!! Please?

 I did that thing where I found a book amongst by books and I was like, why and how do I have this book? Where did it come from? I picked up a book of short stories ‘In the Land of Dreamy Dreams’ by Ellen Gilchrist. I have  faint recollection that a writing teacher in college gave it to me? But anywhoo, amazing. Sweaty love stories of child murderers, imaginary pregnancy, and suicidal twins, with delicious specifics, subtle and HEARTBREAKING turns and twists all in a matter of 3-10 pages. I reccommend! I do I do! 

Wash your hands. I guess.

 The Kilby’s and I are gradually moving over to our new AMAZING HUGE APARTMENT! EEEK!!!

So the weekend consisted of boxes, Fun With Suitcases,

and my virgin Ikea Voyage.

In other news, I made Steve put on my rollerblades.

One year of service! (Plus the one year of temping of course.)

For all of you who don’t have to have real jobs, screw you. Stew in your jealous juices. I get a certificate. I get a free day off, and I’m super proud of it.

I can smell a pizza party. Someone in my building is having one and I can totally smell it. Now I am sitting here, mentally dissecting the fundamentals of Pizza Parties and their social implications.

It smells of awkward ‘ooooh, the pizza’s here and I can smell it but nobody’s eating yet, I guess I’ll just eat my own hand.’ It smells like middle school and soccer practice*. It smells of warm Pepsi and forced conversation and ‘yayyyyy Pizza Partyyy!!!’

It smells like America.

America.

See what I did there?

*Yeah right, like your soccer team didn’t have pizza parties? Yeah they did. Fatty.*

* I didn’t really mean it, and I’m sorry.

Has anyone been on the train with this one homeless woman  – she pretty much never has shoes, has a slight speech impediment – and ‘doesn’t want something for nothing’ as she puts it – she’s not begging, no sir – she sings for her supper. But she only knows one song, ‘Have yourself a Merry little Christmas’ and she moves down the train, literally singing it to each person on the train, one by one, the sincerest thing you ever did see. Last night I saw a girl slip her a twenty and I nearly cried. This reminds me of the time that my Mom came to visit and there was a particularly awful seeming homeless woman on the corner on 17th and 5th (kind of an odd corner for one) and my Mom wanted to call the cops and she wouldn’t leave the woman until she felt like she was okay. And I also think it’s terrible that men feel so in despair re: money and re: life that they must kill their whole families and also themselves. And then just now, I googled water-boarding because I never QUITE understood it exactly, and now I wish I hadn’t.

Steve is taking me to a Live taping of This American Life tonight, and I’m so stinking excited. Honestly I’ve only listened to 4-5 episodes of this radio show but I think it’s so great. The Radio lives. IT LIVES! Basically Ira Glass narrates while writers / readers / assorted folks recount or tell stories around a theme. Good old fashioned story telling. Tonight the theme is ’returning to the Crime Scene.’ The show will be shown live in theaters across the US. i.e., I am wearing a dress.

I’m perhaps most excited about Dan Savage live – and also listening to this guy:

 - who’s created a one man show about his personal journey with sleep-walking. Like, in a funny sort of way. I’m going to laugh, Damnit!

Happy earth day, ladies and gents! Today, may your coffee cups be biodegradable; may you bike and recycle and use your nylon grocery bags and cool metal water bottle things. Meh. Hippies. I’m kidding! I’m kidding!

I’m attempting to do my part by working on my piece for Global Cooling: The Women Chill, the site specific project for the Women’s Project. In my playlette, a group of actors are hired to play the Sun, The Wind, The Earth, and A VOLCANO!!!! – and as things go awry in their skit, I dramatically explore my own ignorance of the earth’s problems. In a funny, awkward sort of way. Honestly, though I’ve learned a lot and it’s been really eye opening. I pretty much want to hug polar bears, all the time, and I have single handedly started a USE LESS PAPER movement in my office.

In other, yet earth-related news -

How terrifying are renditions of Mother Earth?? HER BRA IS MADE OF CLOUDS. THERE ARE TREES GROWING IN HER HAIR.