bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

CHRISTMAS PARTY SEASON

December 16th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Over the 110 and to the I-10

to Christmas Party we gooooooooo

my car knows the way

to carry my Bae

to your Party, we’ll stay five minutes then leave to eat pad thai aloneeeeeeee, HEY!

 

 

Posted in a lot, love, MAWWAGE., Uncategorized, YAY | No Comments »

6, scared of 7

December 14th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on I CAN CONTROL THE FUTURE WITH MY FEELINGS: For whatever reason, 36 feels like a safe, good, young age to me. There’s a roundness to it, a lightness, a youth. But then I think about turning 37 next year, and it has a danger, a sharpness, an oldness. 38 feels round again, safe and young again, but in an old way. 39 feels like a cliff, 40 like campground at high elevation with built in firepits,  a stunning view. Even, odd. I now know that I will turn 37 and not yet be a mom (tho perhaps in growth stage?)  I keep fixating on that number and punishing myself for it. I also keep fixating on the ages of women younger than me, who already have their kids / are currently growing them, and I keep feeling behind, like I’m supposed to be ahead but not, which is another way to say behind, which I already said, because I feel it to the point of repetition. And so, I’ll remind myself here:

Things that are NOT competitions:

  • who breathes the most per minute
  • who grows their hair the fastest
  • Having Kids

Things that ARE competitions:

  • Races
  • The Great British Baking show
  • Competitions

 

 

 

 

Posted in a lot, family, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, love, MAWWAGE., the making of babies, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Self Esteam

December 8th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me, to Morrison: There’s some weird steam happening on the side of our house right now. Here’s a video.

Morrison: ….That’s steam. Steam happens when water evaporates. Like when it rains. The sun heats up the water, after….

Me: I mean, I KNOW, but it just seems like a lot of steam.

Morrison: I mean yeah, it is, but it rained a lot, and now it’s very sunny, so —

Me: SCIENCE

Morrison: Yep. Just basically that.

Me: I’M VERY SMART

Morrison: Yes, yes you are.

Me: AND VERY VERY BEAUTIFUL

Morrison: yes, sure —

Me: THE EARTH IS FLAT

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, LA angst, MAWWAGE., silly, where i want to live, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

it Has to be Hard

December 4th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

At some point, early on in our relationship, Morrison and I were discussing something that I of course can’t recall. It went something like:

Morrison: I’m loving how easy this element of our combined life and / or relationship is.

Me: Yeah but sometimes, it has to be Hard. 

And ever since, he likes to repeat my own words back to me, when it in fact gets Hard, because of course, sometimes it does. I think what I was trying to say is that I didn’t want to feel like we were just in a relationship because it was easy. I wanted us to choose to be together, despite the Hard stuff. And for the last year,  there has been some Hard stuff. I mean, also the good stuff, like there is House and Family and Most Perfect Cat, there are blessings of Intellect, Careers, Curiosity, and Christmas Lights, and good lord, don’t get me started on microwavable breakfast sausage. But also: we want to be parents, and we are not. (YET.) And that has been Hard. Not knowing why not has been Hard, waiting has been Hard, watching it happen for other people has been Hard.  Yesterday, I underwent a (very routine) procedure (that I will try very hard not to be overdramatic about)  to correct some issues that turns out have been, well, making it Hard for us to conceive (THANK YOU, SCIENCE. MEDICINE? SCIENCE. I DON’T KNOW. I WRITE PLAYS.) And now, on the other side of it, we’re hopeful that 2019 will make us parents, rob us of sleep, turn our home into a teething ring, and other beautifully Hard things that I will surely complain about, PERHAPS EVEN HERE.  And I really can’t wait for that Hard stuff. Because, I mean, a wise Bekah once said, not really realizing what she was saying, or that it would echo through her heart for years to come: IT HAS TO BE HARD. I know for a fact that whenever a small person takes over my body and subsequently, our home, I will appreciate it harder, because it was Hard. So I’m just going to focus, Hard, on that fact.

 

Posted in a dream is a wish your heart makes, a lot, babies, life, love, MAWWAGE., the future, whining, women, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

Ornaments as Memory

November 26th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

A beautiful thing happened, in which Morrison and I can longer remember whose Christmas ornaments are whose. They all now live together in the same box and have fused histories, shared hooks and strings. With some of them, we just have a vague memory of receiving them, like this Cake slice that someone rightfully gave me last year:

And then of course some are 100% clear, like obviously these are my baby’s first Christmas balls:

And some of them it’s like, WHERE DID THIS ONE EVEN COME FROM?

AND LIKE, WHY EVEN GIVE US A STAR THAT’S TOO BIG TO PUT ON THE TOP OF THE TREE

Posted in a lot, holidays, horn tooting, how interesting, i am a grown up, life, love, MAWWAGE., memories, things, things that I Have, YAY | No Comments »

how to dance with (near) your parents

November 3rd, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Going through tiny baby brother Tim’s recently released wedding pictures, and I’d just like to leave these here, as a helpful guide, for the next time you’re at a wedding with your parents, and just aren’t sure what to do with your body / face:

Posted in family, how interesting, i am a grown up, love, MAWWAGE., YAY | No Comments »

pro marriage trick

November 1st, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me: I feel like I look like I’ve gained weight, but I haven’t.

Morrison:…what?

Me: I mean, I haven’t recently. But I LOOK like I have.

Morrison: You’re right.

Me: What?

Morrison: I’ve been looking at you and thinking, she hasn’t gained weight, but she’s got the definite LOOK of having gained weight, even though she has gained no weight.

Me: That sounds insane.

Morrison: EXACTLY

Posted in a lot, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, love, MAWWAGE., narcissism, whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

why to never drink water at a wedding

October 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Note: Though the below might suggest otherwise, I AM staying hopeful and positive that I will someday ‘become a pregnant person,’ as my doctor calls it. I basically just can no longer keep the worry and hilarity of this life phase off of my blog. I’ve tried to keep it off of here, in fear of being over-dramatic or worse, pessimistic, and also just out of respect for the women who have truly been in the thick of this for nine times the amount of days that I have, with greater heartbreak, BUT I MEAN WHY EVEN ELSE HAVE A BLOG / THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT BLOGS ARE FOR / NOW YOU GET TO WORRY ABOUT MY FERTILITY TOO / YOU’RE WELCOME! 

At a friend’s wedding, I decide to switch to water, like just for a minute, because Hydration and Headache. Very nice well-intentioned other friend spots me with said glass of water, and I don’t know, maybe a poorly positioned wrap dress? Perhaps a face swollen from baking my feelings and eating them?  I don’t know. Her eyes light up like Christmas but with a secret, and she rushes to my side.

Friend (furtively:) Are you pregnant?

Me: What? NO. No no no no no no no no (then, approximately 100 more No’s) 

Friend: Oh — God, sorry — I’m so sorry, I just thought —

Me: It’s fine. It’s totally fine. Are you pregnant?

Friend: Um — I don’t think so?

Me: I only ask because recently, it has come to attention that I am the only female person in the entire world and on the entire internet that is not pregnant.  Everyone I went to high school and college with, and their bosses and neighbors and friends, and the people who sell them their groceries and their cars, everyone I’ve ever emailed or envied is pregnant.  Even the moments I’m not pregnant are pregnant with all of the pregnancies I’m not pregnant with.

(A moment.)

Friend: Oh my God. You’re right. I think I’m pregnant. That’s so weird, I wasn’t even trying!

Me: SEE? YOU SEE?!

Friend: Oh God, can I get you some wine?

Me: YES PLZ TEN BUCKETS, AND WITH GREAT HASTE

 

Posted in a lot, babies, generally, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, life, love, MAWWAGE., oh nooo, the future, tout, trying too hard, whining, women, words, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

Always Real

October 22nd, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Two years of marriage today. One of the things that first jarred me about my dear husband when I first met him has more and more become my absolute favorite thing about him: he will not force anything. Like, ever at all. And so, every single moment you get with and from him is 100% authentic, truly felt. It’s not always perfectly timed, which is a thing I like to force — but it’s Always Real. Take last night, when we were having a drink before our final performance of the Cake:

Him (after a long silence:) I had a thought earlier about working together, on this play. Like a profound thought.

Me: Oh yeah?

Him: Yeah, but I can’t remember it.

Me: That’s okay —

Him:….(most beautiful, kind thing about working together on the play)

Me: (stunned silence)

Him:……just pretend I said that tomorrow, on our anniversary.

Me: OKAY FINE. LOVE YOU SO MUCH

Him: Man. These are great fish tacos.

Me: OH, WE’RE MOVING ON? OKAY

 

Posted in a lot, boys, how interesting, i am lucky, love, MAWWAGE. | No Comments »

Happy Birthday to my Person.

September 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Hobbies include:

  • Purchasing and Wearing Fun Shirts
  • Over-tipping servers, just for kindess’s sake
  • Consuming just ONE too many Old Fashioneds
  • jovially flipping off the well-tipped waiter, then saying shhhhhhhh to his entree
  • Being my favorite person

Posted in a lot, boys, love, MAWWAGE. | No Comments »

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