bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

why to never drink water at a wedding

October 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Note: Though the below might suggest otherwise, I AM staying hopeful and positive that I will someday ‘become a pregnant person,’ as my doctor calls it. I basically just can no longer keep the worry and hilarity of this life phase off of my blog. I’ve tried to keep it off of here, in fear of being over-dramatic or worse, pessimistic, and also just out of respect for the women who have truly been in the thick of this for nine times the amount of days that I have, with greater heartbreak, BUT I MEAN WHY EVEN ELSE HAVE A BLOG / THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT BLOGS ARE FOR / NOW YOU GET TO WORRY ABOUT MY FERTILITY TOO / YOU’RE WELCOME! 

At a friend’s wedding, I decide to switch to water, like just for a minute, because Hydration and Headache. Very nice well-intentioned other friend spots me with said glass of water, and I don’t know, maybe a poorly positioned wrap dress? Perhaps a face swollen from baking my feelings and eating them?  I don’t know. Her eyes light up like Christmas but with a secret, and she rushes to my side.

Friend (furtively:) Are you pregnant?

Me: What? NO. No no no no no no no no (then, approximately 100 more No’s) 

Friend: Oh — God, sorry — I’m so sorry, I just thought —

Me: It’s fine. It’s totally fine. Are you pregnant?

Friend: Um — I don’t think so?

Me: I only ask because recently, it has come to attention that I am the only female person in the entire world and on the entire internet that is not pregnant.  Everyone I went to high school and college with, and their bosses and neighbors and friends, and the people who sell them their groceries and their cars, everyone I’ve ever emailed or envied is pregnant.  Even the moments I’m not pregnant are pregnant with all of the pregnancies I’m not pregnant with.

(A moment.)

Friend: Oh my God. You’re right. I think I’m pregnant. That’s so weird, I wasn’t even trying!

Me: SEE? YOU SEE?!

Friend: Oh God, can I get you some wine?

Me: YES PLZ TEN BUCKETS, AND WITH GREAT HASTE

 

Posted in a lot, babies, generally, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, life, love, MAWWAGE., oh nooo, the future, tout, trying too hard, whining, women, words, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

Distinguished Alums

October 16th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Ever heard this one? A Dean of a Business School, a 30 YO FEMALE COUNTY COMMISSIONER WHO FIGHTS FOR FREE LUNCH AND EQUALITY AND DIGNITY FOR ALL STUDENTS AND WHO ALSO LOOKS GREAT IN BLUE AND KNOWS JUST WHERE TO PUT HER HANDS IN PICTURES, and a playwright who got her hair straightened so she wouldn’t chew on it while they called her name,  stand in front of a book case in a beautiful alumni building, and — they just stand there, feeling distinguished, not quite knowing where to look or who to thank, feeling so old but so young, wondering when they can eat, where they can pee, who they should thank, doing the mental math of how did I get there, and when did I become Not Nineteen, and  what did I do to deserve this honor and I’ve just been doing my things, and suddenly it’s years later, and look what I’ve built and how will I express my gratitude in words?, especially the playwright, who is meant to be good with words, but who can only think, what do distinguished people do with their Hands, in Pictures? 

 

Posted in a lot, horn tooting, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, YAY | No Comments »

viewing party

October 10th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Just a bunch of This is Us writers gathered to shove brie into their faces and nervously giggle and beam through an episode they all helped craft, by which I mean a gaggle of lovable, insecure narcissists torturing and delighting themselves, by which I mean, MY ABSOLUTELY FAVORITE TYPE OF PEOPLE DOING MY FAVORITE TYPE OF THING.

Posted in a lot, i am lucky, I write for television?, YAY | No Comments »

dressues

October 6th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

-Me: I need a dress for that thing next week, at which I must look like an effortless adult person who is Polished and Poised without trying too Hard.

  • spends (wastes) hours online looking at dresses
  • perhaps orders a few, spends (wastes) money and also time on trying them on, returning them
  • forlorn, looks in own closet
  • Sees 900 DRESSES, MOST OF WHICH ARE PERFECTLY APPROPRIATE FOR EVENT.
  • realizes that this isn’t just about Dresses
  • the answer is always (usually) right in front of you
  • Like really, you can search the world (internet) but you will just end up back at Home

Posted in a lot, DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!, ha, hmmmmm, whining, women, working, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

KIDNAPPERS.

October 2nd, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

DO NOT BE DECEIVED BY OUR KIND OFFERS TO WATCH YOUR KID

WE WILL ACTUALLY NAP IT

Posted in a lot, babies, YAY | No Comments »

No Service

September 30th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Last week, we filmed for a long, hot day beside a Desert Lake 50 miles outside of a LA (and yes, Desert Lake is very much a thing, not to be confused with Dessert Lake, which thankfully, or sadly, is not.) There was no service at Desert Lake, and so I spent a full 12 hours with no phone.  It also happened to be the morning of the Kavanaugh Trial / Hearing / SNL sketch, and instead of agonizing over my lack of service, I felt an odd peace, NOT being able to listen or watch. By mid-day, on our lunch break, I found myself wandering down the side of a Desert Hill, not to be confused with Dessert Hill, with a wonderfully wandering brain. Like the free-est brain I’ve felt in a long, long time. I crossed paths with a A Desert Deer, and we both stood for a few still moments and stared at each other, before it ran off to find to crew’s leftover fried fish or audition for a Disney musical. And I stood there some more, reflecting on all of the times in my life when I’ve have profound crosses with Deer. That time at that summer theater residency when one hot day, I saw a deer ramming its head into the glass of a men’s clothing store. That time Morrison and I saw a deer swimming in the ocean. That time my Dad and I saw a deer trying to swim across the lake. And just the fact that my mom loves Deer. Loves to stop and look at them whenever she passes them. And I wondered, what does it all mean? What is it with my Life, and Deer? Did I use to be a deer? Will I one day be a deer? And I wandered down the desert hill back towards set, wondering this. My point: I am probably not, nor was I ever, nor will I ever be a deer, but I think that my phone has taken away some of my wondering. It’s clouded up some of my space for thought. And every now and then, I should put it aside, or pretend like it’s not even there, like there is no World except for the one right in front of me.

Posted in a lot, animals, hmmmmm, how interesting, YAY | No Comments »

EXCLUSIVE PICS

September 19th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

FINALLY: THE EXCLUSIVE EMMYS PICTURES YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR:

1/543 of my attempt to get a nice picture of Morrison and I on the red carpet, for some reason featuring someone else’s phone:

My balanced, post-Emmys dinner, featuring a fresh cut on my hand from when I face planted while jogging the morning of the Emmys, while thinking about everything I had to do before getting ready for the Emmy’s, and all of life after it, and is there an apostrophe in Emmys or not FACEPLANT:

And my hair in a dark kitchen, eleven hours later:

PLZ FEEL FREE TO SELL TO TMZ BUT IF YOU DO, PLZ GIVE AT LEAST 60% OF PROFIT TO NC FLOOD VICTIMS, THNKS

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, i am lucky, I write for television?, life, YAY | No Comments »

Claydate

September 17th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

The members of my vintage YA book club and I are very much adult people, but we were once children who hid in our rooms from the sun, allergic to back sweat and socializing, instead crafting and reading books, so naturally, for yesterday’s meeting, I got us a bunch of children’s modeling clay, and naturally, this happened:

Island of the Blue Dolphins, revisited: meh. MODELING CLAY FOR GROWN-UPS: ALWAYS.

Posted in a lot, awesome, how interesting, i am a grown up, YAY | No Comments »

SCENE FROM BEGUILING HOLLYWOOD LIFE

September 13th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me, this morning,  frantically shouting at my agent’s assistant through my phonecar: HEY, SORRY, WHERE IS THIS MEETING?

Agent’s Assistant:…Joan’s on Third.

Me: YES I KNOW, BUT WHERE IS IT

Agent’s Assistant: on Third.

Me: BUT WHAT STREET?

Agent’s Assistant:…..On third.

Me: WHAT?

Agent’s Assistant: …Third Street.

(Beat.)

Me: OH RIGHT SORRY. I’VE HIT JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TRAFFIC JUST PLEASE JUST GIVE THEM A HEADS UP THAT I’LL BE SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS LATE. PLEASE APOLOGIZE FOR ME, AND HAVE THEM ORDER ME A DECAF ALMOND MILK LATTE, AND A SMALL CABIN TUCKED IN THE MOUNTAINS OF NORTH CAROLINA, PERHAPS BY A STREAM, WHERE I CAN LIVE OUT MY DAYS AND NEVER HAVE TO GET IN A CAR OR SPEAK ON A PHONECAR EVER, EVER AGAIN.

Agent’s Assistant: Will do?

Me: WAIT, WHICH THIRD

Posted in a lot, how interesting, i am a grown up, I write for television?, LA angst, whining, YAY | No Comments »

how to wear your Cat as a Necklace

September 3rd, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

i.e., NOT Labor Day

Posted in a lot, i am lucky, love, MAWWAGE., where i want to live, YAY | No Comments »

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