bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

Me, and how I’m Crazy

December 14th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m taking a break through the holidays from worrying and obsessing about getting pregnant, or at least this is what I’m telling myself, if not shouting at myself. It mostly involves frantic compartmentalization, which makes me very fun at parties. I was at a Christmas party this other night, and a lovely woman who I know socially but not super well, arrived, and my brain immediately did this, in quick succession:

  • There is a new round glow to her face
  • Why is she wearing a baggy sweater
  • IS THAT A SLIGHT BULGE I SEE BENEATH HER SWEATER
  • IT IS, IT IS A BULGE
  • THIS BITCH IS PREGNANT
  • THE ENEMY IS UPON US
  • RUN BEKAH RUN
  • RUN TOWARDS THE NEAREST EXIT
  • DON’T START CRYING UNTIL YOU REACH YOUR CAR
  • DON’T LET ANYONE SEE IN YOUR EYES EVERYTHING THAT JUST HAPPENED
  • PRETEND NONE OF IT HAPPENED
  • RESTORE RESTORE RESTORE
  • AVOID AVOID AVOID
  • CHUG WINE LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW AND NO HUMANS GROWING INSIDE OF YOU BECAUSE THERE ARE NOT

Posted in generally, ha, hmmmmm, holidays, oh nooo, whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

IT’S AN EGGNOG LIFE FOR ME

December 12th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

IT’S A (LITE) EGGNOG LIFE FOR ME

INSTEAD OF DRINKING COFFEE AND / OR WATER LIKE A REGULAR PERSON TO EITHER HYDRATE OR CAFFEINATE MYSELF I DRINK THIS

WHICH IS EXACTLY LIKE SLURPING DOWN A CUP FULL OF CHRISTMAS FROSTING THAT’S BEEN LEFT OUT IN THE SUN

Posted in ....ew, holidays, Uncategorized, YAY | No Comments »

Clarence Claus

December 8th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today on things that make me happy: A few years back, an African American couple in North Carolina found that there was no wrapping paper that allowed their son to see himself at Christmastime, AND SO THEY INVENTED CLARENCE CLAUS:

I WILL BE WRAPPING ALL PRESENTS THIS SEASON IN CLARENCE CLAUS, IF NOT MYSELF. Peruse and purchase at http://www.greentopgifts.com!

Posted in holidays, YAY | No Comments »

Next Play

December 2nd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Last night, while rambling about how much I love broccoli and how I prepared the broccoli for our dinner because I am just an incredibly interesting person who is very fun to be around, Morrison informed me that broccoli is in fact a man-made vegetable. Having assumed my whole life that I knew this vegetable that I loved ever so, I was AGHAST. I went straight to the internet, by which I mean, I literally googled ‘The history of broccoli,’ where I found:

Broccoli, botanically known as Brassica oleracea italica, is native to the Mediterranean. It was engineered from a cabbage relative by the Etruscans—an ancient Italian civilization who lived in what is now Tuscany—who were considered to be horticultural geniuses.

What is a horticultural genius? How does one turn a cabbage into broccoli? WHO WERE THE ETRUSCANS? NEXT PLAY? FIRST CAKE, THEN BROCCOLI? SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF

Posted in food, generally, ha, history, hmmmmm, YAY | No Comments »

Fresh Out

November 30th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

This Thanksgiving / Holiday season, I’ve noted a fun new festive quality in myself: COMPLETE AND UTTER VOID OF PATIENCE TO VIOLENT AND SOBBING DEGREES. While we were at Leatherwood, a mixup with our bank led to our mortgage payment not going through, and I had to wait, you know, 24 hours to be able to call them and sort it out, and so naturally, I lost my mind and I’m pretty sure I threw my phone on the floor. Last night, flying back to LA, my stupid entertainment screen did not work, nor did the internet, and so I slammed up my tray table and made sure Morrison and the entire airplane knew that my screen was not working, and it just wasn’t fair, because everyone else’s screens were working, and so MY screen should be working, WHY does everyone else get to watch a Seth Rogan movie while I have to sit in screaming airplane silence? (I should note that Morrison traded seats with me, because he is the best, and completely fine with the fact that he married a tall Baby. I then, you know. Watched a movie, as was my HUMAN RIGHT.) Obviously these big baby tantrums have nothing to do with money, or mortgage, or transfers, or movies, or air, and completely everything to do with my overall frustration with inability to control our baby quest, despite all of my attempts to do so. Here’s the hard truth I’ve learned, that I am still learning: you can have all of the money and doctors and access in the world, and it still doesn’t mean you will have a baby. Surely, it helps, it gets you closer, and I am so grateful everyday for our ability to throw money at this. But still: there is no guarantee, ever. And oftentimes, there is nothing to do but Wait, to sit with yourself, accept where you are, stew in Trust and Hope and Faith and Patience other words that go on Pillows. My Christmas promise (is this a thing?) to myself is to try, really really try, to accept and enjoy where we are, because objectively, OBJECTIVELY, it’s really not so bad, like perhaps even Great.

Posted in love, MAWWAGE., narcissism, the future, the making of babies, the worst, whining, words, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

Jesus in Maryland

November 18th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m in Olney, Maryland for the week to workshop Teen Mary Magdalene hearts Teen Jesus musical at the Olney Theater Center, which is very exciting and career and work and play development and yay but MOST IMPORTANTLY, I AM IN MY FAVORITE WEATHER DURING MY FAVORITE MONTH. Growing up, we went to my grandparents’ in Davidsonville, Maryland every year for Thanksgiving, and its cloudiness, it’s very specific sort of cozy cold, are things I long for whenever it turns November. I can’t believe this is my view, all week.

IF YOU NEED ME I’LL BE ROLLING AROUND IN LEAVES / DANGLING FROM LAMPPOST

Posted in a lot, holidays, i am lucky, the writing of drama plays, theater, YAY | No Comments »

Feelings Recipes

November 16th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

One of my new favorite things to do is to write Feelings Recipes, by which I mean, listing out not only ingredients but also the Feelings I put into whatever I cooked. And so I present to you this vegan pasta:

With turmeric chickpea noodles, Avoidance, roasted carrots and cauliflower, DESPAIR, onion and garlic, DREAD, roasted cherry tomatoes, kale, FRESH HOPE GRATED ALL OVER THE TOP OF IT (TASTES LIKE CHEESE)

Posted in food, generally, ha, whining, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

But have you tried

November 14th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

The other day at my acupuncturist, and other words that LA people start sentences with, my gal Dr. Hong removed the needles from my face, and suddenly, without warning or explanation, started to light me on fire. Turns out it’s called Moxa, it’s an ancient Chinese practice whose ‘intention is to warm and invigorate the flow of Qi in the body and dispel certain pathogenic influences.‘ Tiny pods of mugwort are burnt around the body to increase circulation and blood flow and something with Qi. In simpler terms, she lit me with 100 tiny fires, some on my toes, some on my stomach, and it was lovely, and for the rest of the day, Morrison wouldn’t come near me because he said I smelled like Smoked Salmon. I don’t know what it did to my Qi, or if I even have Qi, because somedays, I feel like I left my Qi somewhere, took it off, put it in the wash, forgot to dry it, and now it’s molding there in the machine. But maybe, actually, my Qi is now pulsing, flowing, creating life, or at least okayness, which somedays, is Life.

Posted in a lot, factual smarts, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, the making of babies, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

Christmas Carrot

November 12th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

My first Christmas in LA, something like 7 years ago? I purchased a faux Christmas Tree from Target with my mostly Jewish roommates. This tree has been coming out of its cardboard box on December 1st, its pieces weirdly slotting into each other and creating Tree, every Christmas since. BUT THIS YEAR, I decided to check, just to CHECK, to see if there might be anywhere in driving distance of LA where one can cut down and their own Christmas tree. AND DAMNIT, OF COURSE THERE IS. My November is full of deadlines and waiting and work and so I’m just going to let this LA Cut down your own Christmas Tree day be my carrot to pull me through it all. AND DAMNIT, I DON’T CARE IF IT’S 80 OUT, I’LL BE COVERED IN SCARVES.

Posted in holidays, things that I Have, trying too hard, YAY | No Comments »

COMING SOON TO MY LOWER BODY NEAR YOU

November 10th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

It is requiring every fiber of my rational adult being to not order these Christmas leggings

NO WAIT YEAH, I JUST ORDERED THEM

Posted in a lot, holidays, how interesting, i am a grown up, what I'm wearing, YAY | No Comments »

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