bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

HOT (GROSS)

August 22nd, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

LOOK AT MY BODY

IT’S GOT CURVES AND NOT CURVES IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES

ALSO IT’S GOT MY INTESTINES INSIDE OF IT

Posted in ....ew, YAY, what i am NOT wearing, women | No Comments »

on if we deserve to even Be

June 28th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

Sometimes it’s like, oh noooooooo, is the earth going to fry up like an omelette, sizzle and implode, or is the moon going to suddenly shift  and move and tsunami us all into floating underworld corpses, or is an incurable virus going to spread through our vitamin water or is an asteroid going to smack into the planet, raining fire over all the fields and all of the Targets, worry / worry / worry, but then you see that these are are thing:

and then it’s like, no, you right you right, COME AT US, ASTEROID, WE NO LONGER DESERVE TO BE.

Posted in ....ew, YAY, a lot, food, ha, silly | No Comments »

NOW IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE

June 16th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

There is a part of me that really really hopes that someone calls this number and ten minutes later finds themselves standing on Hollywood Boulevard, SHINING WITH MYSTERIOUS FAMOUS PERSON LIGHT.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, awesome | No Comments »

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN

May 10th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

I am technically off work right now, and yet my life looks like this:

Because somehow, without the structure of a place to go at an appointed time / a lunch break / work til six / structure that I lament when I have it — I COMPLETELY LOOSE ALL OF MY MIND AND ALSO FORGET HOW TO WRITE WORDS DOWN AND INSTEAD JUST SHOUT AT MYSELF IN RED INK LIKE A SERIAL KILLER.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, whining, working | No Comments »

BEARD BABY

March 1st, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

I dreamt of a baby with a full beard. Which of course sent me straight to google image search, and the results are just. Equal parts horror and intrigue.

They just.

I just can’t.

But then of course, I did.

Posted in ....ew, YAY, a dream is a wish your heart makes, a lot, babies, ha, i am scared, kids | No Comments »

SHOTZ SHOTZ (MOZZARELLA) SHOTZ

February 7th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

Somebody try and stop me from making these genius shot glasses made of fried mozzarella and stuffed full of marina sauce.

NO SERIOUSLY PLEASE.  SOMEONE TRY AND STOP ME.

Posted in ....ew, ...sports?, awesome, food | No Comments »

Sexy (?)

October 30th, 2015 by Bekah Brunstetter

Starting my day before Halloween off ROIGHT, down an internet rabbit hole of unfortunate sexy costumes that just — Why? Favorites:

Sexy Corn:

Sexy Killer Whale:

Sexy Politician:

OH WAIT NO THAT’S AN ACTUAL PERSON THAT IS RUNNING FOR ACTUAL PRESIDENT.

Posted in ....ew, YAY, a lot, hmmmmm, holidays, how interesting, women | No Comments »

SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH

July 4th, 2015 by Bekah Brunstetter

My Fellow Americans! On this sacred day, 239 years since the thirteen colonies claimed independence from England: LET US CLAIM OUR INDEPENDENCE AT BREAKFAST. Screw you, Kashi cereal and egg white omelette! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, INDIA? THIS IS AMERICA! Count your blessings, that there are Grocery stores, that you have Walls, that there is sugar, that there are pancakes!  Let us eat Bisquick! Let us Shake n Pour pancakes,  stuff them full of  blueberries and strawberries sprayed with growth hormones and dye! Let us douse the whole affair in Cool Whip, whose main ingredients include high fructose corn syrup and patriotism! ASK NOT WHAT YOUR BREAKFAST CAN DO FOR YOU, ASK WHY YOU ARE ALREADY TIRED AND IT’S ONLY JUST AFTER BREAKFAST OKAY SO TAKE A NAP

Posted in ....ew, a lot, awesome, food, ha, history, hmmmmm, holidays, i am lucky | No Comments »

All of this is real

June 8th, 2015 by Bekah Brunstetter

‘Coochie Shop,’ or ‘Cuchi Shop,’ to perhaps present  a hint of class,  is an actual song  by an actual recording artist that people actually pay for and dance to, with these actual lyrics:

I need a real good box
Oh ok
A real good box.
Okay, aye yo Nick!
Yo?
Yeah shawty out here want umm a #3
Oh, alright tell him to come around to my window, I got him it’s muffin.

OH AND ALSO I ACTUALLY JUST PAID $1.99 FOR IT.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, awesome, famous people stuff | No Comments »

Today, on HOW is it that I am a company?

May 8th, 2015 by Bekah Brunstetter

Accountant: So I’ve finished your first quarterly review…

Me: okay great! So you’ve counted how many quarters I have. I have a lot of quarters. Parking and laundry for DAYZ Y’ALL.

Accountant: ….No. Quarterly. Review. I explained this to you.

Me: Poptarts!

Accountant:…..So, I need to run an additional payroll, you’re about $30,000 behind in taxes.

Me:….What?

Accountant: You owe 30K. In taxes. To the Government.

Me: ….what? WHY?

Accountant: Because of your income bracket and because you are an American.

Me: …But where does that money come from?

Accountant:….your Business Account.

Me: But do I HAVE to pay them?

Accountant:………Yes. You have to pay them.

Me:….So my money is not really my money.

Accountant: Nope.

Silence.

Accountant: You still there?

Me: Tacos!

Posted in ....ew, I hate money, a lot, whining, worrying | No Comments »

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