bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

chill hat

April 16th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Please note that going forward, this hat that I lifted* from an abandoned gift shop of an abandoned western themed amusement shop outside Maggie Valley, NC is my new disguise / go-to / indicator that I’m chilling, angry, sick, happy, being, or basically just alive, by which I mean, I’m going to allow this thing to fuse and crust to my head to the point where it must be surgically removed, which would be NOT chill, so let’s just agree to leave it there.

*I mean I asked the new owner if I could have it and he said sure, but let’s just pretend I lifted it, to help craft an image of a tough exterior so that I might justify the wearing of a trucker fat with a fish on it.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, vintage, wanting, what I'm wearing, where i want to live, YAY | No Comments »

horrible confession

March 18th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

As I prepare to leave for the airport, for what must be my 90th I STILL WRITE PLAYS! trip to NYC since I moved to LA six years ago, I feel compelled to share with you something I just remembered: early on in my LA days, when I took a shared ride /  super shuttle to the airport to save $, I ONCE ASKED A SUPER SHUTTLE DRIVER TO TURN AROUND AND TAKE ME BACK TO MY HOUSE BECAUSE I HAD FORGOTTEN MY MEDICATION BUT REALLY I HAD FORGOTTEN MY MAKEUP. THE SUPER SHUTTLE WAS FULL OF PEOPLE. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to People, just in general.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, generally, hmmmmm, LA angst | No Comments »

detox tea, or how I met my intestines

November 5th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I am truly ashamed that I had to learn this the hard way, but turns out, the skinny people on instagram are simply HOLDING the cleansing teas, and probably not actually using them. I tried a detox tea friday night, and what followed, and what continues to follow, is ME GREETING EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER CONSUMED OVER THE LAST EIGHT YEARS OF MY LIFE, NOT JUST FOOD BUT ALSO FEELINGS AND IDEAS,  AS THEY EXIT ALL PARTS OF MY BODY. Last night it left me vulnerable, weak,  sobbing at a Huggie’s Newborn commercial. While I’d love to report that I woke up today with a Bikini Body, I mostly woke up today with hot rocks somehow buried deep in my back, and a regret so steeped in self consciousness I might have to do another cleanse just to get rid of it JK NEVER CLEANSE AGAIN

Posted in ....ew, a lot, whining, women | No Comments »

forget abrowt it

September 11th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I have spent most of my life ignoring my eyebrows  like the two soft, pale Norwegian children’s beards that they naturally are. I spent none time or money ripping them out of my face, or  pouring hot stuff on them and THEN ripping them out of my face, and I never quite understood why friends spent so much time / money doing so. But then, a few years ago, I started to notice that I might kind of look better, or at least more elegant or Scarlett Johannason-er  or other things that living in LA makes you feel like you’re supposed to feel, if I shaped them sometimes, into pale but elegant children’s beards. And now, I’ve started dyeing them to match the hair on my head. That’s right. MY FACE HAIR HAS A STYLIST AND I LIKE IT.  JUST GO AHEAD AND TOSS ME IN A VAT OF KOMBUCHA AND QUICK DRYING NAIL POLISH TOP COAT AND COVER THE LID WITH LARA BARS AND THEN TOSS ALL OF THAT INTO THE OCEAN, THNKS.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, LA angst, vices, whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

Clutch.

September 5th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I need a clutch for the Emmy’s, I mean, literally just a small purse to hold that I can put my phone in, that I might Clutch in a picture. I don’t where women find these, but I can’t seem to find a normal looking one, like just a small stupid black purse to put things inside of. I guess I have no choice but to go meta and clutch this hand clutch.

GO META OR GO HOME AMIRIGHT

Posted in ....ew, a lot, i am lucky, I write for television?, LA angst, things, things that I Have, wanting, what i am NOT wearing, what I'm wearing, whining, women | No Comments »

why to marry Morrison

July 18th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on marrying Morrison is perhaps the best thing I’ve ever done, a scene:

I happen upon a spider in the bathroom. I am horrified.

ME: SPIDER!!!!!

Morrison: where?

ME: IN THE BATHROOM!!!

Morrison enters calmly, softly, with a cup and a magazine. Softly, calmly, he kneels next to the spider.

Morrison: Hey, buddy, c’mon. Let’s go. You don’t need to be in here.

Ever so gently, he guides the spider into the cup, and even more gently, he carries and places the spider outside, where it can live its life.

Me: Did you just call the Spider Buddy?

Morrison:  It’s not his fault he’s a spider. It’s just who he is.

SWOON.

Posted in ....ew, boys, i am lucky, love, MAWWAGE. | No Comments »

why I need a uniform

May 5th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Sometimes, or, if I’m being honest, ALL OF THE TIME, I spend more time than I should thinking about what I should wear to a thing. I place a lot of value on outside appearances and neglect the interior. It trickles down even to my idea of what clean is. If a kitchen LOOKS clean, it is clean. No dishes in the sink but like quiet, secret pools of old chicken juice pushed under the dishwasher. A while back, I found this letter in a box of things at my parents’ house. I wrote it to Seventeen Magazine when I was 13 or so, for a ‘tell us why you need a Makeover’ type contest.

It is so sad and horrifying that I guess it’s also a little bit funny, but I keep it a picture of it saved on my desktop to remind myself that there’s some part of me that, for whatever reason, was trapped in this shallow loop at a young age, and that now I am an adult, and I can step out of this loop and just be a person who just wears the same thing every day, a uniform over her thoughts.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, silly, vices, wanting, what i am NOT wearing, what I'm wearing, whining, women | No Comments »

how to drink a unicorn

April 19th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on AMERICA YOU RIDICULOUS BEAST: for a limited time, at limited locations, Starbucks is now serving UNICORN FRAPPUCINOS.

They describe it as  “made with a sweet dusting of pink powder, blended into a crème Frappuccino with mango syrup and layered with a pleasantly sour blue drizzle. It is finished with vanilla whipped cream and a sprinkle of sweet pink and sour blue powder topping.” A part of me is like,  this is everything that is wrong with the entire world. And then of course the other part of me takes THAT part of me / turns it into whimsical crystalized sugar / shoves it up my nose / starts jogging through the night to Canada to get in line for a ‘FLAVOR-CHANGING’ UNICORN THAT YOU CAN DRINK.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, hmmmmm, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

I spy with my little sty

April 14th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

So for weeks there’s been weird stuff going on with my left eye that has finally morphed into a sty monster of sorts.  And for all of these weeks, I have been pretty much completely ignoring the accumulating symptoms, other than occasionally noting them to Morrison. Instead I have been worrying and obsessing about much grander things.  I am so consumed by thoughts about large things that are basically out of my control that I neglect to notice something happening right in front of me, or rather,  on my face. I’m using my eyes to take in data that I turn into worry and stress and I don’t even stop for a moment to take stock of the faulty equipment. I’m sure that Buddha or Gwyneth Paltrow has some fine reflective phrase about this. Probably something like: take care of your physical self so that you’re able to face (or even SEE) the storms ahead of you, imagined or otherwise.

Posted in ....ew, things that I Have, tout, whining | No Comments »

HAPPY DAY OF AMERICAN CRUELTY DAY

April 1st, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Posted in ....ew, awesome, food, generally, ha, YAY | No Comments »

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