bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

YES, IT HOLDS UP

January 13th, 2020 by Bekah Brunstetter

I confess that at least once a month, if not weekly, I think about the 90’s movie, Junior, in which Arnold Schwarzenegger CARRIES A BABY TO TERM. When I think about it, I’m usually wondering, HOW DID THEY MAKE THE MAN PREGNANT? I’m shacked up with SIL Jacy for the weekend, and we decided to do a deep dive into the ‘movies in which pregnancy is very easy and just happens because you think about it and three minutes later you’re in your second trimester’ section of Blockbuster. Last night, we revisited Junior, and first and foremost, Arnold becomes pregnant after they place an embryo in his perineal cavity, or in layman’s terms, HIS ACTUAL BUTT. Arnold then spends the movie with the raging hormones of a pregnant woman. He feels insecure about his looks, shoves pigs in a blanket into his mouth, cries at commercials, and it one critical scene, shouts MY BODY MY CHOICE at the villain while wearing floppy, soft 90’s Eileen Fisher. And it’s somehow also a supremely satisfying love story, in with he realizes his egg donor is actually Emma Thompson, the nerdy doctor he’s already in love with. Fortunately, that sex scene is NOT a part of the movie, which feels….backwards. Every moment is horrible, regrettable, flawless, heartwarming and nauseating. I highly recommend to any woman on a fertility journey, or any man wondering if he might ever be able to carry a baby to term, in his butt.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, babies, ha, le film, the making of babies | No Comments »

what to do with this

January 9th, 2020 by Bekah Brunstetter

Every time the news presents an image of Harvey Weinstein heading into or out of court, I have to look away, not just because he is a manipulative rapist who took advantage of many vulnerable women, BUT BECAUSE HE’S USING A WALKER. Weinstein now walks like a mule with bricks of guilt and shame on his back. He’s apparently about to have surgery. And I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM. Isn’t that horrible? What is that? Where does that come from? There is nothing sadder to me than a vulnerable old man. Why does my brain always pierce through the accusations and sins and see the human, when he oftentimes doesn’t deserve to be seen? And what am I meant to do with this feeling other than be ashamed of it and leave it here? Will it just always be my job / gift / curse to have empathy for literally everyone? Will I forever be a well-meaning, out of touch asshole standing next to the Guillotine shouting, THIS PEOPLE IS A PEOPLE, TOO?

Posted in ....ew, a lot, the worst, women | No Comments »

IT’S AN EGGNOG LIFE FOR ME

December 12th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

IT’S A (LITE) EGGNOG LIFE FOR ME

INSTEAD OF DRINKING COFFEE AND / OR WATER LIKE A REGULAR PERSON TO EITHER HYDRATE OR CAFFEINATE MYSELF I DRINK THIS

WHICH IS EXACTLY LIKE SLURPING DOWN A CUP FULL OF CHRISTMAS FROSTING THAT’S BEEN LEFT OUT IN THE SUN

Posted in ....ew, holidays, Uncategorized, YAY | No Comments »

PRIDE

November 8th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I have always been a very careful person, I walk gingerly across anything that’s not a smooth and flat surface, I’ve never broken a bone or done anything physically daring that could be categorized as ‘gnarly,’ I’ve fought in zero wars, I refuse to jump from an airplane and even feel unsettled on a motorized scooter SO PLEASE LET ME BE REALLY PROUD OF MY GNARLY BRUISES, FROM THAT SUPER GNARLY TIME A NURSE TRIED TO PUT AN IV NEEDLE IN MY ARM A FEW DIFFERENT TIMES. NEEDLE GNAR IS LIFE, THE REST IS JUST DETAILS #SPORTS

Posted in ....ew, horn tooting, how interesting, i am a grown up, the making of babies, trying too hard, YAY | No Comments »

CAREFULLY LAID PLANS ARE HILARIOUS

February 28th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Came back to NYC to see Cake one last time before press week, catch up with some friends,  have some meetings,  workshop my next play which is in THE MOST DIRE NEED OF WORK before it goes up in June; but Once I landed, I DECIDED*  TO GET THE FLU INSTEAD BECAUSE THAT JUST SEEMED MORE FUN

* WAS FORCED BY LAUGHING GODS OF TIME; IMMUNE SYSTEM

Posted in ....ew, a lot, whining, working, worrying | No Comments »

who I actually Am

May 29th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Lately, especially in the last few years, I’ve been engaged in a fair amount of Fanciness, and so I want to make sure it’s clear to my readers who I actually Am: I am not a woman with many purses. I just have Purse. Purse goes with me everywhere except for the rare occasion in which I need a smaller purse, in which case, I use Small Purse. As for Purse, it is covered in stains from when my water bottle spills inside of it, which happens approximately once a week. At the bottom of Purse, you’ll find a generous handful of almonds that have been crushed over time by the weight of water bottle and computer and script. Handful of crushed Almonds have been known to stay there for up to six months, as Purse only gets cleaned when it gets so bad inside that when I reach inside to get Computer and I pull out a wet handful of receipts dusted with old crushed nuts. Only then do I empty it all out, begin all over again. And that, dear readers, is Myself.

Posted in ....ew, fancy, generally, ha, hmmmmm, things that I Have, whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

what’s the skinny

April 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Hold up. I know I’m almost 36, which is old, but also young, so AT WHAT POINT DID MY SKIN GO FROM THE SOFT PEDAL OF A SACRED PEONY, TO THAT OF A FOSSILIZED PREHISTORIC CREATURE JUST BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE?

LIKE, THIS IS ME AFTER A SHOWER

SaveSave

Posted in ....ew, whining | No Comments »

chill hat

April 16th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Please note that going forward, this hat that I lifted* from an abandoned gift shop of an abandoned western themed amusement shop outside Maggie Valley, NC is my new disguise / go-to / indicator that I’m chilling, angry, sick, happy, being, or basically just alive, by which I mean, I’m going to allow this thing to fuse and crust to my head to the point where it must be surgically removed, which would be NOT chill, so let’s just agree to leave it there.

*I mean I asked the new owner if I could have it and he said sure, but let’s just pretend I lifted it, to help craft an image of a tough exterior so that I might justify the wearing of a trucker fat with a fish on it.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, vintage, wanting, what I'm wearing, where i want to live, YAY | No Comments »

horrible confession

March 18th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

As I prepare to leave for the airport, for what must be my 90th I STILL WRITE PLAYS! trip to NYC since I moved to LA six years ago, I feel compelled to share with you something I just remembered: early on in my LA days, when I took a shared ride /  super shuttle to the airport to save $, I ONCE ASKED A SUPER SHUTTLE DRIVER TO TURN AROUND AND TAKE ME BACK TO MY HOUSE BECAUSE I HAD FORGOTTEN MY MEDICATION BUT REALLY I HAD FORGOTTEN MY MAKEUP. THE SUPER SHUTTLE WAS FULL OF PEOPLE. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to People, just in general.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, generally, hmmmmm, LA angst | No Comments »

detox tea, or how I met my intestines

November 5th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I am truly ashamed that I had to learn this the hard way, but turns out, the skinny people on instagram are simply HOLDING the cleansing teas, and probably not actually using them. I tried a detox tea friday night, and what followed, and what continues to follow, is ME GREETING EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER CONSUMED OVER THE LAST EIGHT YEARS OF MY LIFE, NOT JUST FOOD BUT ALSO FEELINGS AND IDEAS,  AS THEY EXIT ALL PARTS OF MY BODY. Last night it left me vulnerable, weak,  sobbing at a Huggie’s Newborn commercial. While I’d love to report that I woke up today with a Bikini Body, I mostly woke up today with hot rocks somehow buried deep in my back, and a regret so steeped in self consciousness I might have to do another cleanse just to get rid of it JK NEVER CLEANSE AGAIN

Posted in ....ew, a lot, whining, women | No Comments »

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