bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

forget abrowt it

September 11th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I have spent most of my life ignoring my eyebrows  like the two soft, pale Norwegian children’s beards that they naturally are. I spent none time or money ripping them out of my face, or  pouring hot stuff on them and THEN ripping them out of my face, and I never quite understood why friends spent so much time / money doing so. But then, a few years ago, I started to notice that I might kind of look better, or at least more elegant or Scarlett Johannason-er  or other things that living in LA makes you feel like you’re supposed to feel, if I shaped them sometimes, into pale but elegant children’s beards. And now, I’ve started dyeing them to match the hair on my head. That’s right. MY FACE HAIR HAS A STYLIST AND I LIKE IT.  JUST GO AHEAD AND TOSS ME IN A VAT OF KOMBUCHA AND QUICK DRYING NAIL POLISH TOP COAT AND COVER THE LID WITH LARA BARS AND THEN TOSS ALL OF THAT INTO THE OCEAN, THNKS.

Posted in ....ew, LA angst, YAY, a lot, vices, whining, women | No Comments »

Clutch.

September 5th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I need a clutch for the Emmy’s, I mean, literally just a small purse to hold that I can put my phone in, that I might Clutch in a picture. I don’t where women find these, but I can’t seem to find a normal looking one, like just a small stupid black purse to put things inside of. I guess I have no choice but to go meta and clutch this hand clutch.

GO META OR GO HOME AMIRIGHT

Posted in ....ew, I write for television?, LA angst, a lot, i am lucky, things, things that I Have, wanting, what I'm wearing, what i am NOT wearing, whining, women | No Comments »

why to marry Morrison

July 18th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on marrying Morrison is perhaps the best thing I’ve ever done, a scene:

I happen upon a spider in the bathroom. I am horrified.

ME: SPIDER!!!!!

Morrison: where?

ME: IN THE BATHROOM!!!

Morrison enters calmly, softly, with a cup and a magazine. Softly, calmly, he kneels next to the spider.

Morrison: Hey, buddy, c’mon. Let’s go. You don’t need to be in here.

Ever so gently, he guides the spider into the cup, and even more gently, he carries and places the spider outside, where it can live its life.

Me: Did you just call the Spider Buddy?

Morrison:  It’s not his fault he’s a spider. It’s just who he is.

SWOON.

Posted in ....ew, MAWWAGE., boys, i am lucky, love | No Comments »

why I need a uniform

May 5th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Sometimes, or, if I’m being honest, ALL OF THE TIME, I spend more time than I should thinking about what I should wear to a thing. I place a lot of value on outside appearances and neglect the interior. It trickles down even to my idea of what clean is. If a kitchen LOOKS clean, it is clean. No dishes in the sink but like quiet, secret pools of old chicken juice pushed under the dishwasher. A while back, I found this letter in a box of things at my parents’ house. I wrote it to Seventeen Magazine when I was 13 or so, for a ‘tell us why you need a Makeover’ type contest.

It is so sad and horrifying that I guess it’s also a little bit funny, but I keep it a picture of it saved on my desktop to remind myself that there’s some part of me that, for whatever reason, was trapped in this shallow loop at a young age, and that now I am an adult, and I can step out of this loop and just be a person who just wears the same thing every day, a uniform over her thoughts.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, silly, vices, wanting, what I'm wearing, what i am NOT wearing, whining, women | No Comments »

how to drink a unicorn

April 19th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on AMERICA YOU RIDICULOUS BEAST: for a limited time, at limited locations, Starbucks is now serving UNICORN FRAPPUCINOS.

They describe it as  ”made with a sweet dusting of pink powder, blended into a crème Frappuccino with mango syrup and layered with a pleasantly sour blue drizzle. It is finished with vanilla whipped cream and a sprinkle of sweet pink and sour blue powder topping.” A part of me is like,  this is everything that is wrong with the entire world. And then of course the other part of me takes THAT part of me / turns it into whimsical crystalized sugar / shoves it up my nose / starts jogging through the night to Canada to get in line for a ‘FLAVOR-CHANGING’ UNICORN THAT YOU CAN DRINK.

Posted in ....ew, YAY, a lot, hmmmmm, worrying | No Comments »

I spy with my little sty

April 14th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

So for weeks there’s been weird stuff going on with my left eye that has finally morphed into a sty monster of sorts.  And for all of these weeks, I have been pretty much completely ignoring the accumulating symptoms, other than occasionally noting them to Morrison. Instead I have been worrying and obsessing about much grander things.  I am so consumed by thoughts about large things that are basically out of my control that I neglect to notice something happening right in front of me, or rather,  on my face. I’m using my eyes to take in data that I turn into worry and stress and I don’t even stop for a moment to take stock of the faulty equipment. I’m sure that Buddha or Gwyneth Paltrow has some fine reflective phrase about this. Probably something like: take care of your physical self so that you’re able to face (or even SEE) the storms ahead of you, imagined or otherwise.

Posted in ....ew, things that I Have, tout, whining | No Comments »

HAPPY DAY OF AMERICAN CRUELTY DAY

April 1st, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Posted in ....ew, YAY, awesome, food, generally, ha | No Comments »

what you need to hear

March 23rd, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me: Look at my eyelid. It’s wrinkly and weird.

Morrison: Okay?

Me: NO REALLY, LOOK AT MY EYELID.

(I shove my eyelid in his face, marriage style.)

Morrison: Huh. Yeah!

Me: I have an old eyelid!

Morrison: Hey, you look great, though.

Me: I DO?!

Morrison: Yep!

Me: You’re just saying that.

Morrison:…Yep! Can I please resume my life, now that I’ve told you what you need to hear?

Me: FINE OKAY BUT MAKE IT QUICK

Posted in ....ew, MAWWAGE., a lot, i am lucky, life, love | No Comments »

Pie tops!

March 6th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today on what is right with America, Pizza Hut has released a pair of shoes called pie tops. They sync to your phone, you know, like shoes do, and when you press the tongue of said shoe, it connects to your phone and orders you a pizza, because it’s way too simple to just order a pizza from your phone and it’s just way more fun to lean down and press upon your shoe and make pizza happen and just know for the rest of the day that your foot summoned food.  I’d really like to tell you more about them but I really must away and find said shoes in GIANT HUSBAND SIZE.

Posted in ....ew, ...sports?, a lot, fancy, food, ha, hmmmmm | No Comments »

Things I know to be True

February 1st, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Truth is very elusive these days. I sense more and more that it is not, in fact, found on the internet, but instead inside of oneself. I need to begin a daily deep dive through my belly button, but in the meantime, here is a short list of  things I’m absolutely certain of:

-I am alive (most of the time)

- There is goodness (sometimes)

- I love my husband and family

- I always drink slightly more wine than I should

- When I eat asparagus it makes my pee smell weird

- There is gravity

Posted in ....ew, a lot, the whole world | No Comments »

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