This morning, the gals of This is Us were discussing Emmy’s dress options and I just sort of froze and crawled inside of myself. I’ve ordered a few to try, but mostly I feel just an absurd amount of dread: that I will either try too hard or not try hard enough, that I will spend an absurd amount of money to look at my pictures and see a  little girl trying too hard, that I will hate my pictures and feel like I ruined an incredible life moment by trying too hard or not hard enough, that my gut will press out of whatever overpriced thing I procure, and also that a dress is in fact equal in price to a dining room table which we definitely need. I’m hereby taking a moment to set aside said dread, and focus on what is actually happening: A SHOW THAT I WORK ON IS NOMINATED FOR AN EMMMY, AND SO, I AM GOING TO THE EMMY’s. Regardless of what I wear, I will be there, and that, in itself, considering my beginnings writing poems under my bed, is, and always will be, enough. OKAY BACK TO WORRYING ABOUT DRESSES.

On this Fourth of July, let us not be distracted by tiny flag shorts and giant hot dogs and things that go Boom in the night, but instead remember what this day is really, actually about, which is of course MY NIECE WEARING THIS OUTFIT.

Sometimes, purely for my own glee and relaxation,  I google a random thing and Dress and just look at the pictures. Bacon dress. Car dress. Infinity dress. Question dress. Today: Salad dress:

VOW RENEWAL ANYONE? ANYONE? NO? K I’LL JUST BE OVER HERE EATING MY BRA

Six months married today, so yeah, I can officially say that I know everything. Mostly I’ve been struck by the values of patience, compromise, and listening. But even more mostly, I am blown away basically every day by Morrison’s ability to handle my madness when I overload myself and short circuit, how he can not only calm me down but also, how quickly he can get me  (us) to the place of laughing at the absurdity of whatever the situation.  If it’s not funny at its core,  WHY EVEN LIVE IT AT ALL?

My absolute favorite woman on TV is actually played by a man and after a few minutes of watching, you don’t even notice anymore.

In Baskets, (Zach Galifianakis’ FX show about the home life of a failed clown) Louie Anderson plays Christine Baskets, a mom whose happy place is Costco, who struggles with both weight and how to raise her kids somewhere between love love and tough love, who tries water aerobics, for her health.

Season two in particular, every moment she’s on screen is so rich and heartbreaking and real that you literally don’t even think about Louie underneath. There is Christine, and only Christine, with a humor so specific it’s like you’re on line with her at Costco while she compliments your hair cut and muses about her childhood and coupons and then asks you about the contents of your shopping cart. There is only Christine and her draped blazers and her hats, and her tugging on her hair around it.  

BEYONCE, WE WILL HUMBLY RECEIVE YOUR LINE OF CASUAL MATERNITY WEAR WHENEVER YOU ARE READY. It will be worn by both pregnant and not pregnant women, and probably also some men. Those who are not actually pregnant will strap watermelons to their bodies so that they might fill them out. I will sleep in the nightgown that it took 50 people and 7 days to embroider. I will wear the headpiece to Trader Joes. PLEASE JUST GIVE IT TO US.

While these beautiful people did not necessarily win the golden prize:

Fun was, in fact, had by all, writers included. We got to gussy up:

And stumble around the giant mall slash famous people prom,

In a beautiful evening that Morrison Keddie, love of my life for his honesty and instantaneous handsomeness, described as ’85% annoying.’

Today, on the wedding pictures are so plentiful that I look at them for a few minutes a day and put some of them here so I can feel slightly less overwhelmed by the number of them and then move on to other tasks: HERE ARE SOME MORE.

I just. I love these girls. Oh man. The fact that you surround yourself with your favorite ladies and eat your favorite snacks they’re all wearing the flannels you gave them and you all get dolled up and then these gals you love surround you and button your butt buttons and someone is there to take pictures of it so you never forget it is REASON ENOUGH TO GET MARRIED.

WE GOT OUR WEDDING PICTURES! They are lovely. As hard as it is to look at 900 pictures of yourself  and marvel at how even in a stunning gown you can manage to look like an evil badger baby, I STILL love them. The moments are perfectly captured. We were so stupid happy that day and the pictures will forever show it. There are so many that I do not even know what to do with them. I think I will just stretch the process out, keep the feeling new and real, and just drop them like tiny love bombs whenever I feel like it. Starting with these! I present to you, the moment after Morrison and I first saw each other, hugged and cried, and then I promptly made him look at my butt, my exact words being, LOOK AT MY BUTT!

OH SO YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH WEDDING TALK? NO MA’AM.  I have a head cold that just won’t quit and stress and  fatigue just in general,  but what I also have is  THIS MOMENT WHEN I HID IN AN OFFICE WITH MY BRIDESMAIDS BEFORE WALKING UP THE AISLE, SIPPING TEQUILA AND SHOVING PEANUT M&Ms AND GOLDFISH CRACKERS INTO MY FACE AND I NEVER FELT SO BEAUTIFUL.