-Me: I need a dress for that thing next week, at which I must look like an effortless adult person who is Polished and Poised without trying too Hard.

• spends (wastes) hours online looking at dresses
• perhaps orders a few, spends (wastes) money and also time on trying them on, returning them
• forlorn, looks in own closet
• Sees 900 DRESSES, MOST OF WHICH ARE PERFECTLY APPROPRIATE FOR EVENT.
• realizes that this isn’t just about Dresses
• the answer is always (usually) right in front of you
• Like really, you can search the world (internet) but you will just end up back at Home

Me, the last few weeks: Royal wedding = meh, I mean I’m sure it’ll be gorgeous but isn’t it kind of weird how we’re all privy to their incredibly personal union?

Me, this morning: PRETTY PRINCESS!!! LOOK!! MORRISON!!!

Morrison: ….What?

Me: LOOK AT THE PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!! I MEAN TECHNICALLY SHE’S A DUCHESS BUT LOOK AT HER PRETTY PRETTY DRESS IT’S SO PRETTY

Morrison:….Okay. I’m going back to sleep.

Me: (softly, scrolling through pictures)….princess…..

EVERY LITTLE STEP SHE TAKES

Happy first birthday to this blessed flower, my sweet niece and soon to be confidante (like as soon as she speaks words) Miss Olivia Grace.

Women who are attending this year’s Golden Globes (me only kind of, I don’t go to the big fancy ceremony, just the afterparty) are planning to wear all black to protest sexual assault in Hollywood, BUT ALSO BECAUSE BLACK IS SLIMMING AND DEFT AT HIDING THE FACT THAT WE ALL SPENT THE LAST MONTH EATING SNICKERDOODLES AND MYSTERIOUS MEAT LOGS FROM HOLIDAY GIFT BASKETS.  I’M LOOKING AT YOU,  MERYL STREEP, YOU GORGEOUS, DELICATELY AGING GOAL PERSON.

I have two awards shows to attend in January that I must, poor me, acquire dresses for. But for the sake of economy, and also whimsy, what if, just go with me, WHAT IF I just wore this dress made of skittles to both,

AND THEN JUST SLOWLY ATE MY WAY OUT OF IT?

Today, on sacred things found while packing:

What I was probably supposed to look like at my senior prom:

What I actually looked like:

As luck would have it, we made it through an ENTIRE YEAR OF MARRIAGE. We are even strongly considering the possibility of, you know, continuing it forever, as it has been rewarding, character building, wonderful, mysterious, hilarious, strange, and perhaps the best thing I have  ever done. We are spending today reflecting back on the wedding and going back through the pictures, remembering all of the small but momentous parts of day.  I think when you first get your wedding pictures you are overwhelmed by the All of them, because looking at them today, I feel like I barely even looked at them when I first went through. And so I share some of  my new favorites with you:  each a tiny, specific life moment. I’m not even going to ramble about what they are, about what they mean. I’m just going to let them speak for themselves, as pictures do.

My co-worker pointed out that I kinda hit up the Emmy’s dressed like one of my favorite paintings:  Madame X, John Singer Sargent’s scandalous portrait of Amelie Gartreau:

As for Morrison, he showed up as EVERY OTHER AMAZING PAINTING OF A MAN IN A TUX EVER.

HOW DOES HE KNOW TO DO THAT THING WITH HIS HAND

1.) Look at the weather outside

2.) Observe that it’s apocalyptic in its heat

3.) Look in your closet

4.) Consider Pants

5.) Reject the idea of Pants

4.) Find a summer dress that’s barely fabric that you are far too old to own, let alone wear

5.) Put a shirt on UNDER it so that’s mildly work appropriate

6.) CONGRATS, YOU’RE WEARING CLOTHES

This morning, the gals of This is Us were discussing Emmy’s dress options and I just sort of froze and crawled inside of myself. I’ve ordered a few to try, but mostly I feel just an absurd amount of dread: that I will either try too hard or not try hard enough, that I will spend an absurd amount of money to look at my pictures and see a  little girl trying too hard, that I will hate my pictures and feel like I ruined an incredible life moment by trying too hard or not hard enough, that my gut will press out of whatever overpriced thing I procure, and also that a dress is in fact equal in price to a dining room table which we definitely need. I’m hereby taking a moment to set aside said dread, and focus on what is actually happening: A SHOW THAT I WORK ON IS NOMINATED FOR AN EMMMY, AND SO, I AM GOING TO THE EMMY’s. Regardless of what I wear, I will be there, and that, in itself, considering my beginnings writing poems under my bed, is, and always will be, enough. OKAY BACK TO WORRYING ABOUT DRESSES.