As part of an ongoing effort to explore different parts of California, and force my brain to think newer and larger thoughts, I have hightailed it up to Santa Barbara for a day /night to write, by which I of course mean, go wine ‘tasting’ to the point where I am so joyful and full of Rose that all of the retired folks at the bar around me must hear my life story and I fall asleep in a facemask, surrounded by peanut M&Ms. Also known as: yesterday. But today: one stroll and one bikeride by the beach later, I already have not one but TWO half-baked television ideas about donuts, and have spent a good half an hour wondering how miraculous it is that children’s brains form, like at all, to the point where they can point at me and say, she is on a bike! And know that I am a she, and that is a Bike.
Sometimes, one must exchange one’s usual world and routine for a blue wig and spend the day frolicking around Ru Paul’s Drag Con, putting glitter all over your face, chasing around a particular queen for a picture because she bears an uncanny resemblance to your ex-boyfriend.
Noun: to run while also crying, or cry while also running; to run sans music so that it’s just you and your thoughts and nothing but sweat and ennui and time to contemplate the Big Questions, toss anger at life patterns and ignorance and failed relationships, so much that you just start crying while also running, and by the time you’re done it’s painfully clear that you definitely need a therapist, but maybe it’s now fine to eat a bagel.
I hate to be that girl who’s all, I’m training for a half marathon right now, but I’m training for a half marathon right now, which is to say, slowly and sadly shuffling either up a treadmill or around the Silverlake Resevoir. Blaine and husband are coming to LA in March for the full marathon, and I thought I might trot alongside her for half of it. I can’t tell if I’m getting any better at running, or just being bad at it but doing it for longer each time, but it is happening. Sunday it happened for six miles. I spent about nine thousand dollars on these new running shoes, in hopes that they would give me a six minute mile and a six pack, but so far all I’ve got is a blister that’s somehow growing a blister inside of it. But really: I like myself very much for attempting this.
I love cold weather running and how it always turns into some sort of epic mission involving a search for stolen documents or jewels or other things that stealthy running ninjas do.
If you’re curious, here are the other three:
Today, on I invent words that aren’t that exciting that have probably been invented before – FRUNNING. It’s running when it’s freezing outside and it’s awesome and somehow ALWAYS makes you feel like you’re training for the Olympics or at least a really important boxing match where someone’s ear’s definitely getting bitten off. I had my first cold run of the season this AM and it’s the best. It’s literally like an apple cider doughnut is CHASING YOU. It’s also a great excuse to layer up and look like a crazy person, running in circles from the invisible doughnut that is chasing them.
THAT SAYS RUNNING
Speaking of, the clouds / torrential and depressing rain finally parted today, and I hit the road with my shades, shoes and stupidly thuggish playlist to try my hand at running through Russia. Apparently, I now write for a Glamour blog, or something. I promise I’ll never say ‘hit the road with my shades’ ever. again. Doc! I’d read that I would be gawked at, which I was, like um – what are you running from? But once I got over that, it was pretty okay. There was really no where to run except a few loops through parking lots:
And occasionally, a nice stretch of park:
Okay yes, I was technically taking pictures on this ‘run.’ But it still counts, or at least combats these guys.
Take THAT, fried zucchini’s.
I really don’t know what could be better coupled with my announcement than this picture of a baby holding a one armed plank. After years of quietly judging people who do, and resisting, I’m going to try a personal trainer. I’m just five sessions and a mere half month’s rent away from lifting cars over my head! I just feel stuck or something, and like I need someone to tell me to stop eat craploads of peanut butter. I haven’t met him/her yet, I’ve just signed up, but I am REALLY HOPING his name is Vlad, and that he could kill me with one hand, if he tried. Which hopefully, he will not.
It is so so so so much easier to run when you’re outside and it’s pretty. I like to pretend I’m running from buffalo or to catch my food or perhaps that I am a gazelle or squirrel who may or may not have consumed half a key lime pie last night, and feels pretty guilty about that. Silly squirrel. Pies are for people.
Steve geniusly gifted me with a Lil Nano! Not only does my limited edition friend fight aids, it ALSO means I don’t have to lug my phone around with me when I run, for music. ALSO, Stanta presented me with a Nike device that attaches to little guy, and tells you how far you’ve run, and uploads this info / puts it online so you can keep track. Some girls want diamonds; dresses; puppies. I am pretty much over the moon for my nerdy running equipment. THANKS STANTA!