bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

why to never drink water at a wedding

October 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Note: Though the below might suggest otherwise, I AM staying hopeful and positive that I will someday ‘become a pregnant person,’ as my doctor calls it. I basically just can no longer keep the worry and hilarity of this life phase off of my blog. I’ve tried to keep it off of here, in fear of being over-dramatic or worse, pessimistic, and also just out of respect for the women who have truly been in the thick of this for nine times the amount of days that I have, with greater heartbreak, BUT I MEAN WHY EVEN ELSE HAVE A BLOG / THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT BLOGS ARE FOR / NOW YOU GET TO WORRY ABOUT MY FERTILITY TOO / YOU’RE WELCOME! 

At a friend’s wedding, I decide to switch to water, like just for a minute, because Hydration and Headache. Very nice well-intentioned other friend spots me with said glass of water, and I don’t know, maybe a poorly positioned wrap dress? Perhaps a face swollen from baking my feelings and eating them?  I don’t know. Her eyes light up like Christmas but with a secret, and she rushes to my side.

Friend (furtively:) Are you pregnant?

Me: What? NO. No no no no no no no no (then, approximately 100 more No’s) 

Friend: Oh — God, sorry — I’m so sorry, I just thought —

Me: It’s fine. It’s totally fine. Are you pregnant?

Friend: Um — I don’t think so?

Me: I only ask because recently, it has come to attention that I am the only female person in the entire world and on the entire internet that is not pregnant.  Everyone I went to high school and college with, and their bosses and neighbors and friends, and the people who sell them their groceries and their cars, everyone I’ve ever emailed or envied is pregnant.  Even the moments I’m not pregnant are pregnant with all of the pregnancies I’m not pregnant with.

(A moment.)

Friend: Oh my God. You’re right. I think I’m pregnant. That’s so weird, I wasn’t even trying!

Me: SEE? YOU SEE?!

Friend: Oh God, can I get you some wine?

Me: YES PLZ TEN BUCKETS, AND WITH GREAT HASTE

 

Posted in a lot, babies, generally, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, life, love, MAWWAGE., oh nooo, the future, tout, trying too hard, whining, women, words, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

cookie as feeling

October 24th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I just walked through a wave of butterscotch and was immediately yanked back to winter at our Will Scarlet Road house where my Mom sliced seven layer cookie bars into Christmas tins for freezing, warm butter clumped with coconut, warm house, warm walls, where late at night I snuck frozen pieces out of the tins tucked into the freezer part of the fridge in the garage, snuck back into warm house, warmer walls, and now I have a violent need go home and make them, by which I mean Practice my Religion of Choice.

Posted in a lot, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky | No Comments »

Distinguished Alums

October 16th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Ever heard this one? A Dean of a Business School, a 30 YO FEMALE COUNTY COMMISSIONER WHO FIGHTS FOR FREE LUNCH AND EQUALITY AND DIGNITY FOR ALL STUDENTS AND WHO ALSO LOOKS GREAT IN BLUE AND KNOWS JUST WHERE TO PUT HER HANDS IN PICTURES, and a playwright who got her hair straightened so she wouldn’t chew on it while they called her name,  stand in front of a book case in a beautiful alumni building, and — they just stand there, feeling distinguished, not quite knowing where to look or who to thank, feeling so old but so young, wondering when they can eat, where they can pee, who they should thank, doing the mental math of how did I get there, and when did I become Not Nineteen, and  what did I do to deserve this honor and I’ve just been doing my things, and suddenly it’s years later, and look what I’ve built and how will I express my gratitude in words?, especially the playwright, who is meant to be good with words, but who can only think, what do distinguished people do with their Hands, in Pictures? 

 

Posted in a lot, horn tooting, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, YAY | No Comments »

Claydate

September 17th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

The members of my vintage YA book club and I are very much adult people, but we were once children who hid in our rooms from the sun, allergic to back sweat and socializing, instead crafting and reading books, so naturally, for yesterday’s meeting, I got us a bunch of children’s modeling clay, and naturally, this happened:

Island of the Blue Dolphins, revisited: meh. MODELING CLAY FOR GROWN-UPS: ALWAYS.

Posted in a lot, awesome, how interesting, i am a grown up, YAY | No Comments »

SCENE FROM BEGUILING HOLLYWOOD LIFE

September 13th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me, this morning,  frantically shouting at my agent’s assistant through my phonecar: HEY, SORRY, WHERE IS THIS MEETING?

Agent’s Assistant:…Joan’s on Third.

Me: YES I KNOW, BUT WHERE IS IT

Agent’s Assistant: on Third.

Me: BUT WHAT STREET?

Agent’s Assistant:…..On third.

Me: WHAT?

Agent’s Assistant: …Third Street.

(Beat.)

Me: OH RIGHT SORRY. I’VE HIT JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TRAFFIC JUST PLEASE JUST GIVE THEM A HEADS UP THAT I’LL BE SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS LATE. PLEASE APOLOGIZE FOR ME, AND HAVE THEM ORDER ME A DECAF ALMOND MILK LATTE, AND A SMALL CABIN TUCKED IN THE MOUNTAINS OF NORTH CAROLINA, PERHAPS BY A STREAM, WHERE I CAN LIVE OUT MY DAYS AND NEVER HAVE TO GET IN A CAR OR SPEAK ON A PHONECAR EVER, EVER AGAIN.

Agent’s Assistant: Will do?

Me: WAIT, WHICH THIRD

Posted in a lot, how interesting, i am a grown up, I write for television?, LA angst, whining, YAY | No Comments »

things to do during an MRI

September 7th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • Plan Thanksgiving
  • Take deep, restorative breaths
  • No, really, plan every moment and every interaction and every bite of food of Thanksgiving
  • MORE DEEP RESTORATIVE BREATHS
  • NO BUT REALLY WTF IS THAT SOUND
  • MAYBE I’LL PUT SAUSAGE AND TOASTED PECANS IN THE STUFFING THAT WOULD BE NICE, PEOPLE WILL LIKE THAT CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK
  • NO REALLY, I’M REALLY ASKING, WHAT IS ACTUALLY MAKING THAT NOISE
  • WHY AM I WEARING A HOCKEY MASK

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, whining | No Comments »

girl, inside

August 12th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

When I remember to get my hair cut, I always leave the place feeling like an elegant, effortless Body Wash Commercial, stepping out of a white limo on a Loop,

But then I quickly remember the girl inside, who recedes into her chins, pouting at the family wedding because everyone ate all of the mini quiches before she could have one.

I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER THAT THIS IS WHY I WAS POUTING.

Posted in family, food, ha, how interesting, i am a grown up, Uncategorized | No Comments »

youth is busy

July 25th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’ve been trying to find time to get on the phone with a woman who grew up with my Grandma in Brooklyn. As we were trying to agree upon a time over email, she said something  that I cannot get out of my head: youth is busy. She sits, calm, in a sort of peace, waiting for me to find time to hear all that she has to say, all that I need to hear. Meanwhile, I spiral and vibrate and tremor and doubleback, trying to ‘find’ time when really, it’s right there in front of me. It’s right now.

Posted in a lot, generally, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, whining, words | No Comments »

about face(s)

July 12th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Actually, I really don’t have any good explanations, except that there are crown stickers on my head because these are from a scrapbook my dear Mom made to commemorate me, but other than that I will just…..leave these many faces here, with sparse commentary.

CAN’T FIGURE OUT BANGS

JELLY BRACELETS LIFTED FROM FAVOR AISLE WHILE WORKING AT PARTY CITY

STILL CAN’T FIGURE OUT BANGS NO REALLY SOMEONE GIVE THIS POOR PERSON A ROUND BRUSH

EXCELLENCE; RING WATCH

 

Posted in a lot, how interesting, i am a grown up, memories, narcissism | No Comments »

WATCH OUT, MORRISON

July 7th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

ALSO WATCH OUT, MY UTERUS

ALSO MAYBE EVERYONE, IN GENERAL, SHOULD JUST WATCH OUT

Posted in a lot, babies, ha, i am a grown up | No Comments »

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