bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

A Gemini Prepares

July 14th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Next week, I am PITCHING A TV SHOW FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME, driving around town telling various smart and important people about my images and characters and thoughts,  in the hopes of someday getting a show that is Mine on air,  which I means I am full of two very real, very opposing feelings:

Joy at the opportunity and delirious delight in my own ideas, slightly high from the secret pocket feeling that I’m doing the thing I was put on this earth to Do

AND ALSO:

COMPLETE EXISTENTIAL TERROR AND DREAD, TINGED WITH FEELINGS OF INSECURITY AND ALSO GUT-EMPTYING FEAR THAT IT’S ALL BEEN A LIE, THAT I AM IN FACT A LIE, THAT THE ONLY TRUE THING IS GRAVITY

 

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, I write for television?, LA angst | No Comments »

WHY TO GO TO THE DENTIST

June 2nd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I don’t know who went and told my dentist that I’m badly in need of positive affirmations these days, but this was yesterday:

MY DENTIST, after examining my teeth: Wow. Everything’s looking great. You’re doing a great job.

ME: …Thank you! I’ve been trying to floss? More regularly?

MY DENTIST: Really. You should know what a great job you’re doing.

ME:…Thank you!

MY DENTIST: I see a lot of people in here, and you are one of the people who’s doing a great job.

ME (so moved): …..Seriously…I really appreciate that.

MY DENTIST: Honestly. Just…really, really good job.

ME: (SOBBING) THANK YOU

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, i am a grown up, the future, whining, worrying | No Comments »

Placebo Organizer

May 27th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I am now taking so many vitamins and supplements that I require a cheery little carrier. All doctor and FDA approved,  I take one with food in the morning, one in the morning without food but with water, one in the mid afternoon between food and with no water, one at night with food and with water, another at night after food while drowning, ALL WITH MISPRONUNCIATIONS,  sometimes with water, sometimes not, ALWAYS WITH A BALANCED HEART, EQUAL PARTS CONFUSION AND OPTIMISM.

Posted in a lot, how interesting, i am a grown up, the future, the making of babies, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

GROWN UP EGG HUNT

April 17th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Morrison and I are in prep mode for the giant Easter potluck / egg hunt we’re hosting Sunday, in which we’re going to revel in all of our friend’s children for four hours THEN POLITELY ASK THEM TO LEAVE SO WE CAN WATCH GAME OF THRONES ALONE. In the invite, I called it an ‘all ages egg hunt’ which I’m realizing is a terrible idea, as obviously, the grown ups will find the eggs before the children. But as a thought experiment, I’m making a mental list of the things that would go inside of Grown-up eggs:

  • Tiny succulents
  • Midol
  • Tylenol PM
  • Weed Gummies
  • Passwords to private links to indie short films
  • Squirts of hand sanitizer
  • Claritin
  • Boullion cubes
  • Xanax
  • AND OTHER REASONS WHY THERE SHOULD NEVER BE A GROWN UP EGG HUNT

 

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, holidays, how interesting, i am a grown up | No Comments »

I am Guilty Of

March 14th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

There’s a thing I do, as a contemporary robot person with robot computer phone brain and human heart, that I would like to stop doing. And so, like most things that I don’t enjoy about myself, I’ll lay it here, in hopes of embarrassing myself into Change.  Here it is: I make moral judgements on News Things before I’ve fully read about them. (It’s also a thing that we maybe all do, that maybe we should all stop doing.) I make these judgements quickly, based on a headline or a skim of an article that I cram into a tiny section of unoccupied time,  so I can participate in conversations and outrage and jokes,  so that I don’t feel left out, or alone. But WHAT IF INSTEAD, I waited until I’d thoroughly read up on the Thing,  before making my judgements, adding my commentary? Would I spend more time reading and informing myself, less time commenting? Isn’t my being informed on whatever the thing is more important that whatever commentary I might add which, especially if I’m not informed, is most likely not different from everyone else’s? And DID I JUST FIX THE WORLD?

 

Posted in a lot, arrogant art things, awesome, generally, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, the whole world, words, worrying | No Comments »

I don’t know why or when

February 24th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I found this picture amongst my things, and I’m not totally sure Why or When it was:

But given my tanned legs / popped hip, I think I can surmise that it was taken at Weight Loss Camp, ie that one Summer that I wore Confidence around like a bikini (and a bikini, I also wore an actual bikini /  for gruesome details please see my play  Fat Kids on Fire) but most importantly, I need to know WHERE AND HOW AND WHEN I PROCURED SILK BOXERS WITH FRUIT ALL OVER THEM,

And if I was in fact wearing them at Fat Camp, WAS the irony of the fact that I was wearing shorts with food on them lost on me? PLEASE LET IT NOT HAVE BEEN LOST ON ME.

Posted in generally, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, memories, what I'm wearing | No Comments »

Why I’m Tired

February 2nd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I hate it when people are like, I’m so busy and tired, here’s why I’m so busy and tired, and yet, I feel compelled to document the absurdity that was January. And so I’ve gathered these facts, for my own amusement, and maybe yours:

January 4th, my last This is Us episode started pre-production.

Jan 6th, The Cake started rehearsal in NYC.

January 10th-11th, the This is Us writers went to Vegas where I ate all of the tequila and the hotel moaned all night like it was crying, preventing any sort of sleep.

January 12th, I (with consistent help from Morrison, who managed to turn it into a weird game) started shooting myself up with hormones twice a day, in hopes of harvesting some eggs / making us some embryos at the end of the month.

January 15th my episode started filming. I gave myself shots each morning and night, worked 12 hour days, grew increasingly tired and perhaps emotional, but perhaps maybe it’s normal to sob when you pass teachers protesting in the rain? I stole naps when I could. I tried to focus. I humbly ate from whatever trough of mashed potatoes was provided between scenes.

January 21st my episode wrapped.

January 22-27 I spent each day at the doctor, getting bloodwork and ‘wandwork,’ if you will, increasing hormone dosages, crying at fingernails, drinking whole grain goldfish crackers like vitamin water.

January 28th I went under, eggs came out (TO GREAT SUCCESS / MORE ON THAT LATER.)

Jan 29th I flew to NYC with IV tape gum still pulling at my arm hairs to check in with The Cake, watched three days of run-throughs, gave notes,  continued to try and understand and communicate my play, saw some shows, saw some favorite people, ate meatloaf alone, had some meetings about some potentially very exciting new things. Last night, I got to the airport, found an empty outlet, dropped my things, collapsed onto a weird stool and just sat there, and realized, that I was exhausted.

And just for a moment I wondered, Why?

REALLY BEKAH? REALLY? WHY?

And then I realized that I was so tired because my dreams are coming true, sort of slowly and immediately at the same time.  And then I realized that when dreams come true, it’s exhausting. And then I decided: if you’re not careful, you’ll actually  miss your own dreams coming true. You’ll confuse them with fatigue. Then I decided to forever try and associate Tired with dreams coming true. Except of course when I am actually, really just tired, in which case, I will just GO TO SLEEP. GNIGHT, SEE YOU IN MARCH

Posted in a lot, babies, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, lies, life, love, MAWWAGE., the future, the making of babies, the writing of drama plays, theater, things | No Comments »

Patterns

January 25th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me: I know that the way I’m thinking about this is Crazy —

Therapist: Let’s not call it ‘Crazy.’ Let’s call it…..’Consistent with your Patterns.’

Me:…WHICH ARE CRAZY?

Therapist:…which are your Patterns.

Me: But are my Patterns weird? I mean, are they normal?

Therapist: ….They are your Patterns.

Me: Now I’m worried about my patterns and feeling guilty for having them. Wait, am I doing the Patterns right now?

Therapist: Yep.

Me: I FEEL SO CONSISTENT WITH THEM

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, whining | No Comments »

All of it

January 15th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I would like to document this Look that I’ve been curating since I was wee enough to pull off purple pants:

It’s sort of a winning, curious combination of questions, like: Is she being cute, TRYING really hard to BE cute so as to attract attention she claims she does not want, or is she earnestly presenting kindness so as to make others at ease while behind her eyes curating the darkest of thoughts, OR does she just have to pee? A: IT’S ALL OF IT

 

Posted in ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up | No Comments »

MY DAYS ARE NUMBERED

December 30th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

To whoever thought to invent number shaped cookie cutters: CONGRATULATIONS AND WELCOME INTO MY WILL, IF NOT MY LIFE’S WORK, IF NOT MY LEGACY. You were probably a 19th century Grandma who one morning bent metal into a 2, and you are probably long gone, but still, I would just really like to shake your hand, if not high five you, if that was a thing Then.

Posted in a lot, food, generally, ha, holidays, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, procrastibaking, YAY | No Comments »

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