bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

Meryl’s Apology

January 14th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

When Trump called Meryl ‘overrated,’ I just could not stop thinking about how insane that sentiment is, given her accomplishments, and so I wrote a thing about it. I’m a political satirist now OKAY BYYYYYEEEEEEE!

Meryl’s Apology

To: info at the Hollywood foreign press dot com.

Bcc: hellomeryl at aol dot com.

Subject: My Lifetime Achievement award dot dot dot.

To Whom it may Concern:

Meryl here.

First and foremost, I would like to thank you for the honor of the Cecile B. Demille Lifetime Achievement Award. I saw my acceptance speech as an opportunity to voice to what basically everyone has been thinking. Given what our country has endured over the last few months, it didn’t seem right to take that stage time to thank my mentors and children. I can send them emails and flowers give my children hugs and college tuition. They all know how I feel about them. I tell them daily. I also saw it as an opportunity to bring back bedazzling. Both, I thought, were effective. Until this morning.

This is awkward, but.

This morning I received word that I am ‘one of Hollywood’s most overrated actresses,’ which I first read as ‘Hollywood’s most overrated actress,’ but even though I’m just ‘one of,’ it still stings. I must say, I am deeply embarrassed. I think I can feel the very nudity of Eve. Here I was, parading myself around political fundraisers and charity events and cozy Italian restaurants and sometimes Nordstrom Rack thinking that I was, maybe, I’m embarrassed to admit – a woman of some talent. I’m not supposed to read my own reviews, but who truly does not? Show me an artist who does not secretly read their reviews alone in their bathtub and cry or scream or laugh quietly into the water and I’ll show you a liar. Or at least, an artist more self assured than myself. I once read someone describe me as the best actress of my generation, and I ashamed to admit that I believed it. And I have believed it for quite some time.

Until now. I feel an  — inadequacy. A lack thereof. I feel a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10, I feel certainly not hot. Blood coming out of my wherever. I suddenly hate my nose again and it’s been years since I put that to bed. I am a nasty, nasty mess.

And so, after some deep reflection, I have decided that I must humbly give back the Award. I hope you understand. The Lifetime Achievement Award should and must go to an actor who is under-rated, or at the very least regular rated. Not to me.

Sincerely, M.

PS. Just a heads up, I will be sending similar emails to the Emmys, the Oscars, and to The Screen Actor’s Guild, regarding all of those awards, too.

PPS. Oh and also BAFTA, Critics Choice, People’s choice, Cannes, AFI, Kids Choice awards, Elle women in Hollywood, The National Society of Film Critics, the British Independent Film awards, The Palm Spring International film festival. And my honorary Doctors of Arts degrees from both Princeton and Harvard. All going back via UPS mail.

PPS. Oh and the National Medal of Arts. I always forget about that one.  OH and the Presidential Medal of Freedom, too.  I am not worthy. I will have my hand prints paved over while I’m at it, too. All shall be righted; all shall be returned.

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, fancy, how interesting, i am a grown up, politics | No Comments »

PRESENTING

December 8th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

WE GOT OUR WEDDING PICTURES! They are lovely. As hard as it is to look at 900 pictures of yourself  and marvel at how even in a stunning gown you can manage to look like an evil badger baby, I STILL love them. The moments are perfectly captured. We were so stupid happy that day and the pictures will forever show it. There are so many that I do not even know what to do with them. I think I will just stretch the process out, keep the feeling new and real, and just drop them like tiny love bombs whenever I feel like it. Starting with these! I present to you, the moment after Morrison and I first saw each other, hugged and cried, and then I promptly made him look at my butt, my exact words being, LOOK AT MY BUTT!

Posted in a lot, DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!, fancy, generally, ha, horn tooting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, life, love, MAWWAGE., memories, what I'm wearing | No Comments »

ENDLESS

November 27th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

It’s the timmeeee of yearrrrr

When the world

Falls in love

And I sit on the couch watching Hallmark Christmas movies that are bountiful and limitless and appear to be made for approximately nine dollars a piece, and I judge their predictable plots and cheese covered dialogue and tell myself I’m watching them ironically and shout at my husband THIS IS MY VIDEO GAMES but then quietly sob when the commercials come in which nice people do nice things for strangers, and then the sobbing leads me to wonder, am I a Hallmark Christmas movie writer? IS THAT REALLY WHAT I AM? SHOULD I JUST MAKE THESE FOREVER? AND EVER? AND EVER? AND EVER?

Posted in a lot, arrogant art things, awesome, fancy, generally, ha, hmmmmm, holidays, working, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

The train

October 26th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

Oh, did you want content UNRELATED to the beautiful weekend / life experience I just had? Feel free to check back in approximately one year once I’ve come back down. I have every intention of slowly trotting out memories and moments here so that I continue to fully remember every moment of it. It’s still kind of a blur, even though apparently, I’ve been informed that the moonshine at the reception in fact made me stomp around shouting to people, I FEEL SO PRESENT! And so today, on the Wedding, the train of my dress — pictured here with my Grandma’s mink:

It was long. Like epic long. When I got the dress I knew it was slightly impractical, being that the ceremony was in the grass under a tree, and that the reception was in a horse stable. But I loved its fairy queen-ness AND its impracticality. But after the I do’s and pictures, the best feeling ever was just LETTING THE THING GO AND DRAG THROUGH THE DIRT.

There is something amazing about getting very dressed up and then letting it all go.  It felt so freeing. The release of tension, literal and figurative.

Posted in a lot, DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!, family, fancy, horn tooting, i am a grown up, love, MAWWAGE., memories | No Comments »

THERE WILL BE SNOT

August 4th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

Press is starting to drop for the new show I’ve been writing for, This is Us! I’m not sure I’ve mentioned it here yet, because whether or not I’m eating cheese this week and whether or not Unicorn dresses surely takes precedence over career announcements.  I won’t spoil it much, but let’s say that if NBC’s gift to viewers at the screening of the pilot, these personalized packs of tissues,  are any indication:

THE SHOW WILL BE WEEKLY BURROWING INTO YOUR HEART AND PRESSING ON YOUR TEAR BUTTON.

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, fancy, i am lucky, I write for television?, working, YAY | No Comments »

HIDDEN TOP SECRET MEANING

April 28th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

LIFE GAVE BEYONCE LEMONS, AND SO SHE MADE LEMONADE.

I AM THE FIRST PERSON  TO GET THIS HIDDEN SECRET MEANING RIGHT?

OKAY COOL I THOUGHT SO TOO.

Posted in DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!, famous people stuff, fancy, music, women, YAY | No Comments »

Schwagstetters

April 18th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

One of my favorite things about staying at my parents’ house is finding these guys in the adorable and incredibly thorough toiletry guest basket that my mom places  in the bathrooms, and remembering that during my Dad’s campaign for County Commissioner some twenty years ago, we got a bazillion schwag items made — nail files for the ladies, combs for the dudes.  We still have Brunstetter schwag items FOR DAYZ. MAY WE NEVER RUN OUT.

Posted in a lot, awesome, family, famous people stuff, fancy | No Comments »

WE SLAY / WE SLAY

February 8th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

QUEEN ‘YONCE RELEASED A NEW VIDEO THAT I THINK JUST CHANGED THE ACTUAL WORLD

I BOBBED MY HAIR

WE SLAY

Posted in famous people stuff, fancy, women, YAY | No Comments »

HOTLINE BLING.

February 5th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

I like to discover things just a few days after everyone else in America has already obsessed over the thing and are over the thing. Then I sweep in, and I’m like, HEY, THIS THING! And everyone has moved onto Sia’s new video featuring Ina Garten trapped in a colonial boat’s exoskeleton which is definitely her next video.  And so today: I can’t stop watching Drake’s Hotline Bling video.  It is SOOTHING AND INTOXICATING. For one, Drake is effortlessly dancing around in either a Grandpa sweater or an Owl hoodie, with these amazing sort of geriatric salsa dance moves that feel wonderfully inevitable:

Also,  it features lady dancers with normal bodies:

And at one critical moment, Drake LIES DOWN AND TAKES A NAP ON ONE OF THE BUTTS.

AHHHHHH. Who needs LEXAPRO / WINE WHEN THERE IS DRAKE.

Posted in a lot, awesome, famous people stuff, fancy, ha, i am lucky, music | No Comments »

THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF.

January 12th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter


If you are not watching this show I genuinely do not know what you’re doing with your life. It’s a reality baking competition, but with really lovely and polite British people who never get that upset. Everyone from blue collar workers to grandmas to high schoolers studying for their exams compete. Its episodes are called things like ‘Advanced Dough’ in which they make things called ‘savory parcels,’ and they are given challenges  — at once tough and cheerful and adorable — like to craft towers of buttery pies shoved full of various fruits and chickens, adorned with tiny bread birds. Then these two really nice people — one the ‘mean’ guy and then Mary Barry, who I think is Britain’s Martha Stewart?

give them feedback on their bakes. The harshest criticism is Not a good bake to which the baker responds, Alright then! Better luck next time, then! There is a cheeriness and cleanliness to the episodes that makes it the TV version of floating on a cloud of angel food.  And the products are quite incredible:

There’s more episodes than I care to fully deal with on Netflix. Join me.  BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T EVER ACTUALLY EAT ANY ACTUAL CAKE OR  OR BISCUITS OR ROLLS OR PIE OR SAVORY PARCELS OR ANY OTHER KIND OF BREAD . WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS MMM NUTS ARE GOOD IN BREAD BREAD GOOD

Posted in a lot, awesome, famous people stuff, fancy, food, ha, the whole world, things, TV | No Comments »

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