bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

upfronts

May 15th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Allow me to be UPFRONT with you. For years, as a working TV writer, I heard the word upfronts in various sentences. i.e., I can’t that week, I’ll be at upfronts and they’re going to announce it at upfronts and we have to wait and see what happens at upfronts and I would nod and feign understanding and respond with things like oh, right, upfronts and even make my OWN sentences like, MAN, THOSE UPFRONTS! But I KNEW NOT WHAT I SAID. But this year, I can say this sentence with both confidence and understanding: The darling This is Us cast is currently at UPFRONTS by which I mean, the time when all of the people from all the shows go to NYC and present for advertisers so that the advertisers can say, you look like you could sell my deodorant! upfronts upfronts, and then everyone walks away with money (?)

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, I write for television?, LA angst | No Comments »

how to water a plant

May 4th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

A few weeks ago, I dreamt that I thought I was a plant, like I kept going around telling people that I was one, and no one believed me. This is most likely related to the fact that we recently got some indoor plants, so that while we’re inside of the Box Man Made to keep us out of the Elements, we might still feel like the Elements are all around us. I’ve never been much of a Plant person (EXCEPT FOR IN MY DREAMS, WHEN I AM PLANT) and so all of the tricks to keeping it alive are completely new to me. I asked the garden center person how often to water the plant, and she all but laughed in my face. And then this:

There’s no such thing as a plant watering schedule. If it’s in direct light, give it water sometimes but not too often, only when it seems like it needs water. If it’s in indirect sunlight, also only sometimes give it water, less frequently than all the time, but just occasionally. If it’s not humid and the plant wants to be humid, spray it with water but only when it wants it. If it looks like it doesn’t want it, don’t do it. And ALWAYS FILTERED WATER.

Confusing, specific,  but also somehow vague. Perhaps I — AM PLANT?!

Posted in a lot, how interesting, i am a grown up, things, things that I Have, tout, trying too hard, whining, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

good with kids

April 29th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Morrison is very, very, VERY good with kids, mostly because he takes them seriously and speaks to them like they’re adults, while at the same time, playing into their imaginations. With me,  it’s mostly awkward. (Me: HOW’S YOUR WEEKEND GOING? GET INTO ANY TROUBLE? DO YOU LIKE WINE? AM I TALKING LOUD?)  Yesterday, the school where Morrison TA’s had its (CHARMING; INCREDIBLE) spring carnival, and so naturally, we  played laser tag in a gym with a bunch of kids. At one point, I looked over and saw Morrison doing a slow motion death-roll on the ground while two little girls in pigtails stood over him, casually shooting him point blank. That fact on its own is NOT EVEN THE BEST PART OF THIS STORY.

Waiting in line to enter, we decided to form an alliance with four other kids. The plan was to hole up behind the big pile of Mats in the Northwest corner of the room. We got our guns, the room went dark, and we ran to our station. But as I lept behind mats next to Morrison, one kid looks at me skeptically.

Kid: Who’s that?

Morrison: It’s okay. She’s safe.

Me (to kid): I’m your wife!

The kid just looks at me.

Kid: Wait, what?

Me: Oh, wait, no, I meant —

Morrison: She’s MY wife.

Me: I’m HIS wife! Hahahaha! You don’t have a wife! That’d be weird. I promise I’m not your wife. Hahahahaha! I’m an adult!

Kid:…..okay……?

The kid returned to the game, only to turn on me ten minutes later, like this:

Kid: (innocently) How many lives do you have left?

Me: I’m not sure, how can I tell?

Kid: (brightly): Lemmee see your gun!

I hold it out to him, and he SHOOTS ME POINT BLANK.

Me: What the hell?!

Kid: (shrugging) ….friendly fire.

Me: HEY. THAT’S NO WAY TO TREAT YOUR WIFE.

 

 

 

 

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Posted in a lot, ha, how interesting, i am a grown up, kids, silly, tout, trying too hard, whining | No Comments »

one woman’s leftover easter Honey Ham

April 25th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

….is another woman (read: self)’s ALSO LEFTOVER HONEY HAM, and subsequently, SOUPZ.

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Posted in a lot, food, holidays, how interesting, YAY | No Comments »

Andrea G.

April 24th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

As I may have mentioned here before, I tend to read most of my reviews because a.) GOSH, I LOVE PAIN  and b.) I truly feel like I can learn from them,  if I read them with one eye open  (keeping the other eye that scans every moment and room I’m in for reasons to doubt myself carefully closed.) I happened upon this review of the Chicago production of the Cake the other day, and for reasons I decided NOT to unpack in a middle of the night email to the critic, it upset me deeply. I let it go for a few days, then yesterday, decided to revisit it, because again, I LOVE PAIN and also because with the initial sting having settled, I wanted to see what I could learn, as I’m still tweaking the play. And lo and behold, an angel woman named Andrea G. had left this beautifully articulated comment on the review  (my favorite parts in bold):

You are missing the point. Hear me out. There it was- my life on the stage. That NEVER happens. The real side of being a gay woman. Finally something REAL. You still have to love your family. You still have to reach across the table. Because we still need to live in our current lives. Della is lovable because most of the time your family member is lovable. I have a ton of Dellas in my live. And I wish I could be braver like Jen and work through them all. But you choose those like Della who really love you and you work it through. So you both grow. And it HURTS. Are you not gay? Or are you not a woman? Because that is the way women deal with things. Slowly and painfully. I’ll give this, then you give that, slowly. If you are really really lucky it ends well. I am still bruised as I am sure every lesbian who left the theater. You say it is intellectually and emotionally unnutritious. That is INSANE. This is family not the government or your job. You have to give people time to change, reevaluate and change some more. Dissuading others from seeing it because it doesn’t fit into the cookie cutter liberal “should,” is keeping people from actually seeing their lives in art. Not a fantasy of how life should be, but how it is. Because the play you are asking for wouldn’t hit home for me. It is a fantasy for me- where I sit down with my aunt and have a conversation about identities It wouldn’t be emotional because it would never happen. Because that is what your said privileged people do- conversations about identities. Not us poor blue collar folks. And your attitude towards Della is elitist and condescending. Yes she is a bigot. But your (and Macy’s attitude) is not so nice either.

ANDREA G., you are why I write plays. Thank you for speaking for me, with me.

 

Posted in arrogant art things, awesome, faith, family, generally, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, the writing of drama plays, theater, women, words | No Comments »

eye contact, and how to make it

April 20th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Lately, when having a conversation with a person, I find that I don’t really know where to look. I catch myself looking too deep into their eyes, and then I feel weird about it, so I move my focus to the space between them. Where do you look at someone when you’re looking at them in the eyes? ‘The eyes’ is sort of a vast space. Do you look around the eyes, or inside of them? When you look at someone really, actually in the eyes, you can spiral down to a space where you can’t really even hear them anymore. You can get lost there. CAN WE ALL JUST AGREE TO LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN THE NOSE INSTEAD?

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up | No Comments »

DON’T TELL ME WHAT I WANT

April 9th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Yesterday, I spent an hour unsubscribing from mass emails that, without my realizing it, create a low grade, every day consumer anxiety that is not only distracting but makes me spend my lunch break buying Pants I’ll never wear and adorable trashcans I don’t need. Does it feel different, you ask? Do I now feel lighter, cleaner? THIS IS AN EXACT PICTURE OF THE INSIDE OF MY BRAIN THIS MORNING:

JK JK IT’S STILL THIS

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Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, how interesting, what i am NOT wearing, what I'm wearing, whining, YAY | No Comments »

EASTER APRIL FOOLS

April 1st, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

JESUS: (to his disciples): YOU GUYS! IT’S ME! I’m alive!

Disciples: Whoa, what?

JESUS: I’m alive!

Disciples: WHAT?! THIS IS AMAZING!

JESUS: ….JK!

Disciples:….Wait, what?

JESUS: April foolsssssss! I totally had you guys.

Disciples: Wait, Are you alive or are you not alive?

JESUS: Yes.

Disciple: ….?

JESUS: Ah, man, I LOVE April Fools! I got big plans today. Now who wants to come around with me and tell people the earth is ROUND?

Disciples: That’s hysterical! Obviously all of us.

Posted in a lot, ha, history, hmmmmm, holidays, how interesting | No Comments »

All I wanna do, is plate some food

March 27th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Sometimes (all of the time) (particularly when I’m on hiatus) there is nothing more satisfying than spending way too much time preparing and plating dinner, like even pulling out the fun plates and placemats and napkins from the wedding registry that you thought you’d never use, and then laying it all out and presenting it to your husband like a five year old who cleaned their room but really just put their pillow on their bed. I PRESENT TO YOU, almond crusted rainbow trout with sides of swiss chard and my deep need to be complimented!

Posted in a lot, food, generally, ha, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, MAWWAGE., trying too hard, working, YAY | No Comments »

RARE OCCURENCE IN NATURE

March 25th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

College friends and soul sisters Blaine and Carrie and I barely get to see each other, especially now that I live on the other side of the country and they each had small humans exit their bodies recently. So being together in the same place requires great forethought and planning,  and whenever we manage to make it happen, we take so many pictures it’s like we’re members of a sacred endangered species, like we might soon disappear from the earth, which really, WE MIGHT, AND OTHER DARK THINGS YOU DISCUSS WITH YOUR FRIENDS WHEN YOU’RE 35 BECAUSE YOUR MORTALITY HAS NOW SETTLED AROUND YOU LIKE EVERY SPRAY FROM BATH AND BODY WORKS . We also discussed Pants. Lookit these beautiful Rhinos:

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Posted in a lot, babies, family, generally, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, the whole world, what my friends are doing, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

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