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Last night, I built this. Or rather, assembled. It’s a modern playhouse gifted to me by Kerry for the opening of House of  Home (get it??? Get it???) It sadly kind of took me a while, but I did it. Clearly I have many gifts. Please notice the irony of the indoor grass, and the carefully selected angles. Yes, I will pretty much have my own reality show in which I assemble and arrange tiny houses by Tommorrow.

So maybe like a year ago I found a $50 gift card to Gramercy Tavern in one of our apartments after someone moved out and maybe I um, took it. Now remove the maybe.  I really felt like Steve and I deserved a nice dinner – he’s been working really hard, and I’ve been running and lost five pounds (Hence, I should probably eat everything) and my hey brother reading went well. And so, I felt it karmic?  Cocktails, porchetta salad with apples, I the flounder, Steve the ‘meatball.’ (As you can see, it was just one ‘ball.’) And it was delicious. And we deserved it.

While bored and jury dutying, I decided that what I REALLY needed most in my life, the answer to any and all philosophical dilemnas, was a pair of clogs. And so, I searched. I found Jan’s Ugglebo clogs? One of those sketchy, old-timey looking websites that makes you think it’s a scam run by some guy in his basement in queens. But, the clogs were rad, made-to-order in Sweden, select your own leather, reasonably priced. But you couldn’t even order on the site, you just fill out this request form thing with your phone number. And so, I did.

Dun dun dunnnn.

I forgot about it until yesterday, sure enough, I got a call from Jans himself. Fans, Jans is real, and he is very Swedish, and he is very nice. We had a long conversation about life in New York ‘I come to New York in the Seventies and I make lot of money at Bank! But then I did not like it and moved to North Carolina! And now I sell clogs!’

 After a long heart to heart in which Jans and I shared frustrations of city life, credit card information and our feelings, I ordered my clogs (bright blue leather.)

So I say to ye: order some clogs from Jans!! He is so nice and they’re real affordable / adorable. He even makes man and baby clogs. Well techincally he doesn’t make them, I think his friends in Sweden do. But still, in my mind, I am hoping he looks something like this:

Or: ‘A blog for my boyfriend’

Or: ‘The iphone: Without it, I would be Dead on the floor.’

I wanted to take an entirely unwarranted moment and tell you much I freaking love my iphone. I love it. I love it. My iphone drove Steve and I to Maryland and told us where the Goodwills were. My iphone shows me where I can go to the bathroom and / or buy things. With it, I am constantly connected to everyone I know, and even a few people I don’t, and can neurotically check my email 10 times a minute. I know where I am, what I am doing, and where I am going. Were I app crazy (which I have yet to be) I could also know how long it would take me to get there. I could also count calories, have a light saber, keep track of funds.

In summation, I LOVE MY iPHONE and can’t picture life without it. Why, were I to return to a normal phone, I would feel ripped back to days of yore, when we wore cats as shoes. And brushed our teeth rarely, with rocks.

For the last four years I have sworn by these guys. Soft, little, practical, amazing. There’s JUST enough room to keep track of all of my crazies on each day – some of which I later have no idea what they mean – like ‘BUY D’S!!!!!!!!’ or ‘WRITE IT!!!!’ or ’7pmthethingJerrys.’ (My favorite is back in August 2007, over a whole week: GET A JOB, LOSER.) It’s how I keep track of assorted goals and obligations. I realized I accidentally left my 2009 guy at rehearsal the other night (fortunately the Stage manager just let me know he found it and has it  – thanks, the stage manager!) but I have yet to get it back. It’s sad how lost I am without it. Who am I? What am I doing? Where am I supposed to be? What cryptically encoded event am I supposed to be patroning? No clue. I should feel liberated, but instead, I am confused.