bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

this or that or that or that

June 16th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

(NOTE: I am never quite sure exactly how to give cred, but this incredible image that perfectly captures my  at once haunting and comical indecision is by Luke Chueh. PEEP HIM NOW.)

I love to organize my time. I’m soothed by plans. Some people like to lie on beaches and listen to the waves. I LIKE TO PLAN, AND IF I HAPPEN TO BE ON A  BEACH, THAT’S ALSO FINE. But my plan making usually goes something like this:

  • Consider all possible plans
  • Labor over all options intensively
  • Choose one plan, commit to that plan
  • TORTURE MYSELF WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF THE OTHER, UNCHOSEN PLANS
  • TRY AND CHANGE CHOSEN PLAN TO OTHER PLAN
  • accept original plan
  • engage in original plan, it usually goes fine
  • Spend some time wishing I could get that time I spent laboring over other, possible plans back
  • Realize I’ve wasted more time on said regret
  • Move on to next plan
  • Lay all options out on the floor of my mind
  • Think of a lego house, and how each small brick fits together
  • but if you leave a space blank, you can make a window

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, whining, working, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

why to feel small

June 15th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I wish every single person, at the end of every single day, could watch stop whatever they’re doing for a full 45 minutes and be quiet and still and watch the sun go down. It would by no means solve any problems, but wouldn’t it be good to end each day remembering that we are the tiniest of guests?

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, the whole world | No Comments »

what is the word for the feeling

June 12th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

…..when you look at a picture of your Dad as a kid with your Grandparents are your own current age and recognize faces you’ve made and feelings you’ve felt and are suddenly in a single moment aware of past, present and future and it all feels like one thing and you can almost see yourself as a tiny piece of salad caught in your Grandma’s teeth, or in her mind?

Posted in a lot, family, history, hmmmmm | No Comments »

hunger (?)

May 30th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m currently working with a nutritionist, because lately, I can’t seem to stop myself from eating entire bags of goldfish and washing it down with nine bottles of wine which for SOME REASON is affecting my energy levels DON’T KNOW WHY, but also because, I have issues with food that stem back to the fact that I used to feel like food had to be Finished or it was Wasted, and the fact that I wasn’t raised with junk food and so I fetishized it, and also the fact that I thought that bugs lived inside of bagels, which, side note, has never stopped me from eating them.

Yesterday, my nutritionist asked me, when was the last time you were hungry? And I honestly couldn’t remember, though I do spend a fair amount of worrying about being hungry and preventing said future hunger.  She explained that Real hunger is pain in the gut, a rumbling emptiness. Perceived hunger can actually be just thirst, or it can be emotional hunger, it can be hunger for Affirmation or Stimulation or Hug.  I am so disconnected from actual hunger because my the given circumstances of my life keep me from it, grant me the privilege to wander through grocery stores, thinking about all the things I shouldn’t eat, flipping off boxes of cheese crackers, while there are actual hungry people, all over the world, who don’t waste brain and life space hating themselves because they ate a skittle, because they’re too busy being actually hungry, because of the given circumstances of their own lives.  How about next time I perceive hunger, instead of the 17 Lara Bars or whatever thing has been marketed to me because I go on hikes sometimes, I take in that sobering fact, instead? AND WHERE IS THE CHARITY THAT IS TAKING THE EXTRA LARA BARS FROM THE WOMEN WITH FOOD ISSUES AND GIVING THEM TO ACTUAL HUNGRY PEOPLE? AM I A CLICHE OF MYSELF YET? GREAT, OFF TO SNORT SOME BEE POLLEN

Posted in a lot, food, generally, hmmmmm, the whole world, worrying | No Comments »

who I actually Am

May 29th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Lately, especially in the last few years, I’ve been engaged in a fair amount of Fanciness, and so I want to make sure it’s clear to my readers who I actually Am: I am not a woman with many purses. I just have Purse. Purse goes with me everywhere except for the rare occasion in which I need a smaller purse, in which case, I use Small Purse. As for Purse, it is covered in stains from when my water bottle spills inside of it, which happens approximately once a week. At the bottom of Purse, you’ll find a generous handful of almonds that have been crushed over time by the weight of water bottle and computer and script. Handful of crushed Almonds have been known to stay there for up to six months, as Purse only gets cleaned when it gets so bad inside that when I reach inside to get Computer and I pull out a wet handful of receipts dusted with old crushed nuts. Only then do I empty it all out, begin all over again. And that, dear readers, is Myself.

Posted in ....ew, fancy, generally, ha, hmmmmm, things that I Have, whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

Mirror, Mirror, on my Nails

May 20th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

WHO IS THE PERSON WHO WILL SPEND 50 DOLLARS ON A GEL MANICURE THAT MAKE HER NAILS LOOK LIKE MIRRORS?

WAIT…IT’S ME?

OKAY SO AT WHAT POINT EXACTLY DID I BECOME THIS PERSON?

IS IT POSSIBLE TO GO BACK IN TIME, RE-PRIORITIZE?

NO? YOU’RE NOT THAT KIND OF MIRROR? YOU ONLY ANSWER RHETORICAL QUESTIONS AND DO SPELLS? COOL COOL, AS YOU WERE

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, what I'm wearing, worrying | No Comments »

upfronts

May 15th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Allow me to be UPFRONT with you. For years, as a working TV writer, I heard the word upfronts in various sentences. i.e., I can’t that week, I’ll be at upfronts and they’re going to announce it at upfronts and we have to wait and see what happens at upfronts and I would nod and feign understanding and respond with things like oh, right, upfronts and even make my OWN sentences like, MAN, THOSE UPFRONTS! But I KNEW NOT WHAT I SAID. But this year, I can say this sentence with both confidence and understanding: The darling This is Us cast is currently at UPFRONTS by which I mean, the time when all of the people from all the shows go to NYC and present for advertisers so that the advertisers can say, you look like you could sell my deodorant! upfronts upfronts, and then everyone walks away with money (?)

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, I write for television?, LA angst | No Comments »

moment catcher

May 14th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I promise that tomorrow I’ll return to regular coverage of my weird bad dreams, but just one more time, Tulum. I love this picture I took:

These two dudes (whom the girls sitting across from us noted had ‘extreme Dothraki vibes’) were just spinning around on the roof of this nest, reveling in the storm clouds as they moved in. I mean, just before they started spinning, they were taking an absurd amount of panoramic pictures, but then at a certain point, they stopped taking pictures, and just experienced the moment. Enter ME, secretly taking a picture of THEM while they thoroughly inhabited the moment. Is there a business there? You hire someone to secretly capture you in authentic moments, in which you don’t know that your picture is being taken at all? IS THERE?

Wait.

I think I mean photographer.

Yes I do.

I mean photographer.

 

Posted in a lot, boys, ha, hmmmmm, i am lucky, trying too hard, vacay's, words, YAY | No Comments »

book review

May 7th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I have a lot of gifts, like roasting nuts, making people feel comfortable, and talking about nuts to make people feel uncomfortable.  Describing WHY I enjoyed something, be it a book or a play or a movie, in any sort of innovative way, is not one of my strengths.  But still, I want you to know that this book I just read — Turner House, about the lives of a family house in Detroit,  spanning 65 years —    is exquisite, and so:

BOOK GOOD.

CHARACTERS GOOD.

WRITING EVEN GOODER.

DID NOT WANT TO PUT DOWN GOOD BOOK.

MADE KNOWLEDGE AND FEELINGS OF HUMANITY; LIFE AFFIRMED BY WORDS IN BOOK, ALSO A FEW LAUGHS, ALSO LEARNED NEW AND DEEP THINGS. BOOK WILL STAY IN HEAD.

GOOD BOOK GOOD.

THANKS FOR RECOMMENDATION, BLAINE. GOOD FRIEND. GOOD BRAIN.

SaveSave

Posted in a lot, books, hmmmmm, trying too hard, words, YAY | No Comments »

extended forecast

May 3rd, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

When preparing for any sort of travel, I maintain my typical chill energy and only check the extended weather forecast 6-7 times a day. I just find it incredibly useful to know what will be happening to and around myself ten days from now. I wish there could be an extended forecast for life. Like, A week from Wednesday you will drink too much wine and have that dream where you have five babies but they live inside of the deli counter at the grocery store so you’re going to wake up very confused and unable to accomplish anything so maybe don’t schedule work for Thursday and also bring an umbrella 

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, vacay's, whining, YAY | No Comments »

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