bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

it’s always right there

December 18th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’ve escaped to Idyllwild, CA for a few days to finally figure out my $&%^#(@* EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE latest play that I can’t seem to crack. Play after Play, it really only takes a two hour drive and a few forced conversations with sweet old women who work in stores that sell bedazzled rabbit belt buckles, and maybe an aribtrary purchase of a blanket scarf to hide / live in — and suddenly, my brain is a bit more clear, and suddenly the profound playwriting thoughts come. Sure, once I’m back at home I realize they weren’t so much ‘profound thoughts’  as they were, say, ‘thoughts,’ but it always feels good to feel and share them. And so, humor me. Today I’m thinking about how, whenever I can’t figure out a character or a scene or plot point — THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS the truth. It’s never something funnier, more exciting, more unexpected — it’s just always the truth. And my favorite thing about the truth is that it’s always there. OKAY, BACK TO SCARF HOME.

Posted in hmmmmm, how interesting, the writing of drama plays, whining | No Comments »

6, scared of 7

December 14th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on I CAN CONTROL THE FUTURE WITH MY FEELINGS: For whatever reason, 36 feels like a safe, good, young age to me. There’s a roundness to it, a lightness, a youth. But then I think about turning 37 next year, and it has a danger, a sharpness, an oldness. 38 feels round again, safe and young again, but in an old way. 39 feels like a cliff, 40 like campground at high elevation with built in firepits,  a stunning view. Even, odd. I now know that I will turn 37 and not yet be a mom (tho perhaps in growth stage?)  I keep fixating on that number and punishing myself for it. I also keep fixating on the ages of women younger than me, who already have their kids / are currently growing them, and I keep feeling behind, like I’m supposed to be ahead but not, which is another way to say behind, which I already said, because I feel it to the point of repetition. And so, I’ll remind myself here:

Things that are NOT competitions:

  • who breathes the most per minute
  • who grows their hair the fastest
  • Having Kids

Things that ARE competitions:

  • Races
  • The Great British Baking show
  • Competitions

 

 

 

 

Posted in a lot, family, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, love, MAWWAGE., the making of babies, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Jam

December 10th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

SORRY I CAN’T MAKE YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY, I’M IN A REAL JAM OVER HERE

BY WHICH I MEAN, I SPENT SIX HOURS PEELING GINGER AND CHOPPING PEARS AND I MADE JAM AS IF MY LIFE DEPENDING ON IT

I’D LOVE TO COME TO YOUR PARTY BUT I REALLY JUST HAVE TO SIT HERE AND ADMIRE MY JAM  / WONDER WHY I MADE IT

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, holidays, how interesting, i am a grown up | No Comments »

Self Esteam

December 8th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me, to Morrison: There’s some weird steam happening on the side of our house right now. Here’s a video.

Morrison: ….That’s steam. Steam happens when water evaporates. Like when it rains. The sun heats up the water, after….

Me: I mean, I KNOW, but it just seems like a lot of steam.

Morrison: I mean yeah, it is, but it rained a lot, and now it’s very sunny, so —

Me: SCIENCE

Morrison: Yep. Just basically that.

Me: I’M VERY SMART

Morrison: Yes, yes you are.

Me: AND VERY VERY BEAUTIFUL

Morrison: yes, sure —

Me: THE EARTH IS FLAT

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, LA angst, MAWWAGE., silly, where i want to live, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

HEY, TREE

December 1st, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

THE EAST COAST CALLED, IT WANTS ITS TREE BACK

IT CALLED AGAIN BECAUSE IT’S OBVIOUSLY QUITE DISTRAUGHT AS ITS MISSING ITS TREE

HONESTLY, THE EAST COAST SERIOUSLY JUST KEEPS CALLING

IT’S LIKE EAST COAST, LEARN HOW TO TEXT

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, the whole world, YAY | No Comments »

BREAKING THROUGH BARRIERS

November 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Elizabeth recently turned me on to the Nike Running Club App’s collaboration with Headspace, a meditation app which has helped millions of people NOT cry on their lunch breaks.  Andy Puddicome — the British meditation guide whose voice feels like sticking your hands in pudding in a good way — calmly speaks to you, reminds you to take in your surroundings, focus on the positive. Yesterday, I ran to ‘Breaking through Barriers,’ a meditation in YOU GET IT. But hilariously, I chose to jog at the very moment when about seventeen million kids were being walked to school by their parents. And so as Andy puddinged me to not focus on the things standing in my way, but instead stay present —  I LITERALLY BROKE THROUGH BARRIERS OF TINY CHILDREN, which aren’t my barrier, per se, but moreso my goal? But my inability to be positive about it all is, in fact, a barrier. AND SO I BROKE THROUGH IT / DIDN’T EVEN KNOCK ANY OF THEM OVER / ONLY RAN FROM THEM SCREAMING AT MY UTERUS FROM BEHIND MY EYES / SUCCESS!

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, i am lucky, whining, women, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

Fantasy or Fever Dream?

November 24th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

This Thanksgiving will forever go down in history as That Time I Spent an Entire Year looking forward to hosting my own Thanksgiving in my own house for my Husband’s family, nearly a lifelong goal of mine, only to contract a cold from hell a few days before game time, but flat out refused to let it affect my fantasy plans or anyone’s holiday, and so I pushed through like a mad woman assisted by Sister in Laws and Sudafed, to the point of Fever, and SOMEHOW IT ALL HAPPENED, in fact I miraculously started to feel better an hour before dinner was served, and it still managed to be the most marvelous Thanksgiving ever, with two kinds of stuffing and family everywhere, or MAYBE I SWEAT DREAMT IT? A few of my favorite images from my Fever dream:

Morrison somehow arranged our dining room so it fit 14 people / WE GOT TO USE ALL OF OUR PLACEMATS / WHY IS THIS SO EXCITING TO ME / DO I NEED HELP:

 .  

With much advice and assistant from sister in Law Jacy and also the internet, I roasted my first turkey and no one (yet) died:

Tiny people literally everywhere:

SIL Anne with that portrait mode:

Featured dishes: my sausage, apple and fennel cornbread stuffing, and MIL Cam’s Chile Relleno casserole (cheese / eggs / sour cream / chile rellenos / ABSURDLY GOOD)

A large percentage of my favorite people, all in one place:

 

Posted in a lot, awesome, family, food, generally, ha, hmmmmm, horn tooting, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky | No Comments »

Contradictions

November 13th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • Bakes cookies for feminist theater group meeting
  • Spends entire feminist theater group meeting wondering why no one’s eating her cookies
  • When asked for her feminist thoughts about theater, just shouts I BAKED COOKIES
  • Disappears under couch cushion
  • makes mental note to ask for recipe for Mother’s Macaroni and Cheese

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, whining, women | No Comments »

why to never drink water at a wedding

October 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Note: Though the below might suggest otherwise, I AM staying hopeful and positive that I will someday ‘become a pregnant person,’ as my doctor calls it. I basically just can no longer keep the worry and hilarity of this life phase off of my blog. I’ve tried to keep it off of here, in fear of being over-dramatic or worse, pessimistic, and also just out of respect for the women who have truly been in the thick of this for nine times the amount of days that I have, with greater heartbreak, BUT I MEAN WHY EVEN ELSE HAVE A BLOG / THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT BLOGS ARE FOR / NOW YOU GET TO WORRY ABOUT MY FERTILITY TOO / YOU’RE WELCOME! 

At a friend’s wedding, I decide to switch to water, like just for a minute, because Hydration and Headache. Very nice well-intentioned other friend spots me with said glass of water, and I don’t know, maybe a poorly positioned wrap dress? Perhaps a face swollen from baking my feelings and eating them?  I don’t know. Her eyes light up like Christmas but with a secret, and she rushes to my side.

Friend (furtively:) Are you pregnant?

Me: What? NO. No no no no no no no no (then, approximately 100 more No’s) 

Friend: Oh — God, sorry — I’m so sorry, I just thought —

Me: It’s fine. It’s totally fine. Are you pregnant?

Friend: Um — I don’t think so?

Me: I only ask because recently, it has come to attention that I am the only female person in the entire world and on the entire internet that is not pregnant.  Everyone I went to high school and college with, and their bosses and neighbors and friends, and the people who sell them their groceries and their cars, everyone I’ve ever emailed or envied is pregnant.  Even the moments I’m not pregnant are pregnant with all of the pregnancies I’m not pregnant with.

(A moment.)

Friend: Oh my God. You’re right. I think I’m pregnant. That’s so weird, I wasn’t even trying!

Me: SEE? YOU SEE?!

Friend: Oh God, can I get you some wine?

Me: YES PLZ TEN BUCKETS, AND WITH GREAT HASTE

 

Posted in a lot, babies, generally, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, life, love, MAWWAGE., oh nooo, the future, tout, trying too hard, whining, women, words, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

Parenting

October 20th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Morrison and I hope to become parents soon, and so basically everything I see and do and experience feels like a preview of that future life. And so after spending  the morning carefully clipping browned leaves off of my ‘traumatized Dracaena’ (?) and reading about how I probably poisoned it with saline, like how did I even do that, has the Plant been sneaking out to  snort table salt with his friends while we sleep, and do we need to set boundaries for the Plant?, and deciding to only give it BOTTLED water going forward, but like the expensive kind? and Lord does it add up, what with the constant wanting of new Clothes and the saving for College — I can predict that I will be a nervous, loving parent who gives terrible haircuts, then apologizes.

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, the future, things, things that I Have | No Comments »

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