bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

why to never drink water at a wedding

October 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Note: Though the below might suggest otherwise, I AM staying hopeful and positive that I will someday ‘become a pregnant person,’ as my doctor calls it. I basically just can no longer keep the worry and hilarity of this life phase off of my blog. I’ve tried to keep it off of here, in fear of being over-dramatic or worse, pessimistic, and also just out of respect for the women who have truly been in the thick of this for nine times the amount of days that I have, with greater heartbreak, BUT I MEAN WHY EVEN ELSE HAVE A BLOG / THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT BLOGS ARE FOR / NOW YOU GET TO WORRY ABOUT MY FERTILITY TOO / YOU’RE WELCOME! 

At a friend’s wedding, I decide to switch to water, like just for a minute, because Hydration and Headache. Very nice well-intentioned other friend spots me with said glass of water, and I don’t know, maybe a poorly positioned wrap dress? Perhaps a face swollen from baking my feelings and eating them?  I don’t know. Her eyes light up like Christmas but with a secret, and she rushes to my side.

Friend (furtively:) Are you pregnant?

Me: What? NO. No no no no no no no no (then, approximately 100 more No’s) 

Friend: Oh — God, sorry — I’m so sorry, I just thought —

Me: It’s fine. It’s totally fine. Are you pregnant?

Friend: Um — I don’t think so?

Me: I only ask because recently, it has come to attention that I am the only female person in the entire world and on the entire internet that is not pregnant.  Everyone I went to high school and college with, and their bosses and neighbors and friends, and the people who sell them their groceries and their cars, everyone I’ve ever emailed or envied is pregnant.  Even the moments I’m not pregnant are pregnant with all of the pregnancies I’m not pregnant with.

(A moment.)

Friend: Oh my God. You’re right. I think I’m pregnant. That’s so weird, I wasn’t even trying!

Me: SEE? YOU SEE?!

Friend: Oh God, can I get you some wine?

Me: YES PLZ TEN BUCKETS, AND WITH GREAT HASTE

 

Posted in a lot, babies, generally, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, life, love, MAWWAGE., oh nooo, the future, tout, trying too hard, whining, women, words, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

I grew up and also I’m a Toys R Us kid

March 15th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Yesterday, Toys R Us  announced it will close all of its stores and no longer Be. Last night,  anyone who grew up in the 70s/80s/90s slept curled around memory shadows of Kid Sister dolls  and Ninja Turtle hot wheels and that Thing that you put around one of your Ankles and then Swing it around and Jump over it. All we can do now is Remember, and work out how to explain what it Was to our future kids. Something like:

US: Toys R Us was a big toy store / that

FUTURE KID: What’s store?

US: A big place that sells things —

FUTURE KID: Like internet?

US: No, it’s a big physical, actual place that you go to buy things.

FUTURE KID: Like Amazon?

US: Yes, but you walk into it. With your body.

FUTURE KID: By why not just order it online?

US: Because that was part of it, the going and the looking and the choosing.

FUTURE KID: Hmmm.

US: You’re blinking a lot, what is it, is there something in your eye?

FUTURE KID: Nope!  I Just bought myself a new video game.

US: WITH YOUR EYE?!

(A package THUMPS on the front step.)

FUTURE KID:  OFF TO  SAVE VIRTUAL WORLD, BYE!

 

Posted in life, oh nooo, the future, the whole world, things, vintage, wanting | No Comments »

t’aint always easy

January 27th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Almost 14 years ago, I carefully glued all of my grad school rejection letters into a scrapbook, and amused myself by highlighting the word ‘regret’ in all of them. I think I sensed that someday, I might want to reflect back on them. My two favorites:

Reflection day is upon me. I am currently experiencing a lot of fortune with the Cake, like really more than a playwright could dream of or hope for (though honestly the bar is low, as having a play produced, in itself, is a miracle.) Meanwhile, I  somehow winded up working on a hit show that is managing to heal and to warm those that watch it (though, so did Switched at Birth, just on a smaller scale.) Reflecting on both of these career fortunes it’s easy to forget all of the Regret to inform You’s, but  I want to remember them and celebrate them, and I don’t know, maybe just a hair bit Gloat? So without further ado, I was rejected from: Columbia graduate Playwriting! NYU Graduate Playwriting! Yale Graduate Playwriting! Boston College MFA Playwriting! Post-grad school, I was rejected not once, not twice, but three times from Julliard, with nary even an interview, and I’ve been rejected by New Dramatists (an elite playwriting residency in NYC)  count ’em, 7 times! STILL STANDING, Y’ALL! WHAT DOESN’T ACCEPT US TO THEIR PROGRAM MAKES US WORK HARDER TO SHOW THEM WHAT.

Posted in a lot, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, life, narcissism, oh nooo, silly, the future, the writing of drama plays, trying too hard, TV, YAY | No Comments »

unbralievable

September 8th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m fairly certain that there are really only two types of women: the kind who can go out into the world, say, to the grocery store at 10 PM for toilet paper, NOT wearing a bra, and then the kind who LITERALLY CANNOT LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT FULL BODIED OLD FASHIONED METAL WROUGHT IRON UNDERGARMENTS, LIKE EVEN THE SLIGHTEST FEEL OF WIND ON SHAMEFUL SIDE BOOB AREA BRINGS WITH IT A DEEP, DULL SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS THAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS ‘BIBLICAL.’  Last night I learned I am definitely woman kind #2. FUN EXPERIMENT THO / LEAPS BACK INTO COMFORT ZONE

Posted in oh nooo, what i am NOT wearing, what I'm wearing, whining, women, words, YAY | No Comments »

humble thyself in the sight of the Lord

August 7th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I think it goes without saying that lately, things have been going pretty darn great for me. But then Saturday, I flitted out of a nice dinner with friends, en route to my play, to find my car COVERED IN BIRD POOP. Not the car to the right of my car. Not the car to the left. ONLY MY CAR. I’m going to take it as a gentle reminder of a hymn I used to sing in youth group, which I think went something like:

Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord

Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord

Or he

will send birds to poop

poop on your carrrrrrr

Yes he

will send birds to poop on your carrrrrrrr

Posted in a lot, awesome, faith, i am lucky, oh nooo, whining, YAY | No Comments »

I was definitely not born with it

May 17th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Nice lady at makeup counter: Hi, can I help you?

Me: Yes, um — my face is allergic to the make up I’ve been using, and so I need some other make up.

Nice lady: Okay, so like a foundation or a compact or 2 in 1?

Me:….What?

Nice lady: What kind of make up do you normally use?

Me:….I put it on my face?

Nice lady: Okay, probably a two in one. What kind of skin do you have?

Me: Skin!

Nice lady: is it oily or dry?

Me: SKIN.

Nice Lady: Okay! Do you have a primer that you use?

Me: WHAT?

Nice lady: That you put on before your makeup.

Me: Like a moisturizer?!

Nice Lady: No, it’s a different thing that goes on after your moisturizer, before your makeup.

Me: NO I DON’T HAVE THAT AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANY OF WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. I NEVER LEARNED THESE THINGS. PLEASE HELP ME.

Nice Lady: try these products. And here’s my card with my number. Text me if you have any questions.

Me: OKAY BUT CAN I TEXT YOU IF I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW TO BE AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN, JUST IN GENERAL?

Nice Lady: Sure.

Me: YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL HANDS

Posted in a lot, ha, i am a grown up, oh nooo, tout, trying too hard, what I'm wearing, women, YAY | No Comments »

Juice for Dayz

March 27th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I am embarking on a three day Juice Cleanse because why not, because clearing out the pipes before my body battles the attitude in Peru.  I can’t decide what’s most upsetting about this juice cleanse: that I’m now a person who thinks to do this, that I’m a person who applies the word ’embark’ to ‘juice cleanse,’ how much I paid for it, or the fact that I’m only going to drink juice and juice only for three god-given days. I’m guessing it’s a combination of all three upsetting things combined into one brownish elixir of health and self satisfaction. MAYBE I’LL DRINK THAT, TOO.

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am lucky, life, oh nooo, whining, YAY | No Comments »

the Great Unifier

January 11th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Say what you want about Obama, about what he was actually able to accomplish during his eight years, about how he handled the economy and healthcare, about what he did to taxes, say all of those things, make an angry list, shout them at your television or into your bank account, but at least acknowledge this: while our new president conducts his first press conference like a shareholder meeting, and its contents could basically be boiled down into ‘Nanny nanny boo boo,’ pointing fingers and shifting blame and hiding behind arbitrary stacks of paper arranged carefully so as to scream meaning like the set of high school play,  Obama was, and is, a unifier. Last night, he challenged all of us, liberal, conservative, in-between, to stop searching our feeds for information that affirms our own beliefs, but to seek facts. He asked us to consider each other’s points of view, and above all else, to remember our humanity.  OH RIGHT, THAT.

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, oh nooo, politics, the future, the whole world, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

Best of 2016.

December 31st, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

There’s a thing going around instagram, Best 9, in which people post a grid of their best nine pictures from 2016, summing up a year in their lives. Whenever everyone is doing something it kind of makes me not want to do it, as I am no sheep,  by which I mean BAAAAAAAA I’LL JUST DO IT HERE INSTEAD but with 24 pictures because I LIVE MY OWN LIFE (IN GRIDS.) And so with no further ado, it has been a magnificent year! I:

Ate that chicken pot pie in a blizzard, wrote for American Gods, had a beautiful production of my Heaven play at South Coast Rep, found the perfect overalls and wore them approximately 170 times, washed them about 3 times, took a surfing lesson with Elizabeth, had a Dewey’s pink lemonade cake to call my own at my Easter pot luck thanks to my Mom, ran a 5K with a little girl Monet who ate gummy savers the whole way thanks to Blaine, celebrated 2 years with Mo at Red Lobster,  patroned Ru Paul’s drag con, got after that no speaking above a whisper resort life in Joshua Tree, spent some time writing at Space on Ryder farm in upstate New York, went to Carrie’s Beyonce themed beybe shower (then later welcomed and met her dear little Sebastian who I am now calling Bash / 2017 let’s see if we can get that going), and then also:

Had the most perfect of bridal showers complete with hats and tiny sandwiches, spun for 3 hours in YAS-a-thon for cancer research, made Ina Garten’s flag cake, welcomed little nephew Mojo, worked on The Cake at the Alliance, Echo and Ojai, did Vegas so hard bachelorette style, tried on a bunch of white dresses / picked one had a bunch dress fittings / obsessed over its details and its accessories namely did I ever mentioned that Ferris Bueller cropped leather coat? / GOT MARRIED / cast my vote for a woman president for the first time, attended Blaine and Jason’s non baby shower baby shower, read Vivian Howard’s incredible cookbook, and started writing for This is Us. And so, a great many things.

Last week I started to have dreams that I was left out of something creative, being mocked for output or performance. Personal favorite:  I dreamt I had to  play a drunk dog onstage and the reviews were terrible (this dream brought to you by the first night in Hong Kong, surrounded by every stimulus possible.)  I think the dreams  stem from a feeling that I haven’t accomplished enough creatively this year, like I haven’t dug enough into my own heart / brain. I’ve been working, yes, but I feel, in general, sort of uninspired, like the questioning part of my brain has been numbed. It’s most likely because the majority of all extra time and emotional brainspace I had went to wedding planning. And so, I will forgive myself, hope that 2017 brings characters / moments / stories / questions, big new ideas, but ALSO, more cakes / adult onesies / trips / love, FOR BALANCE.

Posted in a lot, life, love, MAWWAGE., memories, oh nooo, optimism, silly, the future, the whole world, the writing of drama plays, theater, things, things that I Have, tout, trying too hard, TV, what I'm wearing, whining, words, working, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

always tears

December 2nd, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

This morning on set, the Santa Ana winds were a blowin’ and we were outside filming a car ride scene containing humans and feelings, no spoilers. The dry wind whipped into my eye holes, and suddenly I sneezed 27 times and then my eyes wept for the next four hours, but not from feels. I was unflapped, because for months, my eyes have been leaking but not from feels. I have been doing nothing about it, except just making every person I interact with think I’m ‘going through something’ as tears pour down my face as I relay that the printer won’t work. I always feel oddly ashamed though, when asked, Are you crying? when I say no it’s just my eyes , I wish I had a profound story other than Air.  I am not trapped in a poem. It’s just the air.

Posted in LA angst, oh nooo, silly, whining, words | No Comments »

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