bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

THIS IS MY BABY(?)

May 11th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Cracker is definitely a comfort during all of this fuckery.  We’re leaning on him more and more, by which I mean, trying to teach him how to Hug, by which I mean, picking him up and trying to wrap his arms around us and shouting at him ARMS OUT, CRACKER, ARMS OUT! Until he leaps from our arms and hides for hours someplace we can’t find him, then he forgets that it happened, slowly re-emerges, hungry and trusting, AND IT HAPPENS ALL OVER AGAIN. HE WILL LEARN TO HUG. HE WILL.

Posted in a lot, ha, how interesting, love, trying too hard, wanting, YAY | No Comments »

Path to Healing

May 9th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I can’t meditate for more than 3 minutes without getting distracted, and the few times I’ve done acupuncture I’ve just laid there watching the clock and wondering things like ‘Am I healing? Is it happening? What’re we doing right now?’  and last night after my D&C I had an entire bag of Haribo gummies and ice cream for dinner.  I am no Earth Mother or Mother of the Earth, I am not Zen or Chill, but RIGHT NOW I WILL USE THE WORDS ‘PATH TO HEALING,’ and boldly declare that going wide with our fertility struggles has comforted me beyond my greatest expectations. Last night, Haribo gummy cherries hanging out of my mouth, I read hundreds of messages received from friends and strangers, bold and honest messages about fertility struggles and successes. AND IT HAS GIVEN ME LIFE. Thank you to all who share and continue to share. Here was mine:

Last weekend, we had our second miscarriage. I know I’m supposed to tuck this away, share with just close family and friends, compartmentalize and get back to work, which I’ve done before. But this time, I’m sharing here to challenge any and all notions that getting pregnant is CHARMING AND ADORABLE AND JOYFUL AND WHIMSICAL, and only these. For us, and for so many other women and couples, it has been a nightmare. It’s long and stressful and expensive and painful and terrifying. I’ve met parts of myself I never knew, gross bits of rage and frustration and jealousy and sadness. My hope and faith have withered. But I’ve also been so moved by the women who have opened up to me about the absurdity and sometimes hilarity of their own losses and journeys. And I want to do anything I can to help remove any of guilt and shame that comes with this horrible yet INCREDIBLY REGULAR thing / 20 PERCENT OF PREGNANCIES END IN MISCARRIAGE / GRIEVING PEOPLE ARE ALL AROUND YOU / HI, I AM ONE OF THEM. I also share this here because I’m longing for any personal stories, things like I had five miscarriages and now my toddler keeps grabbing my phone out of my hand! And / or my uterus is made of construction paper and now it’s full of twins! Or even, I am going through this fucking bullshit too, would you like to get together and throw bottles of wine against a wall? Feel free to DM me. I’m grateful for anything anyone feels like sharing, but mostly grateful for Morrison, who is the most completely amazing partner that has ever lived.

Posted in a dream is a wish your heart makes, a lot, babies, sucking, the future, the making of babies, the whole world, the worst, wanting, what my friends are doing, women, words, worrying | No Comments »

VERY SUBTLE, GOD

March 10th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Last night I found myself in a not unfamiliar and very overdramatic place, a place I like to hang out in basically after each of my plays debuts in New York —   spiraling about my ability to write, wondering if I would ever do it again. I decided to look for more bad Cake reviews, searching for confirmation that I am, in fact, a shallow hack that should go crawl under a couch and or / go back to customer service. AND WHAT, YOU ASK,  DID I FIND? I suddenly have a  Wikipedia Page . A long and thorough wikipedia page, with  a section for Early Works. A page that includes not one but quotes from ALL of my bad Times reviews, but still, a page that steps through my whole career thus far, from overwritten one acts in festivals to TV awards nominations, my marriage to actor Morrison Keddie (my favorite part.) And I remembered that every time I feel for the tiniest of moments that I can’t do it anymore, that it’s all been a lie, that I am the empress really wearing no clothes at all — I get some little sign to keep going. The timing is always so sharp, it always feels as if I’ve written it. HI, SIGN. THANKS FOR THE NUDGE.

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, the future, the writing of drama plays, theater, trying too hard, wanting, whining, YAY | No Comments »

Patrons

May 16th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

As artists ourselves, Morrison and I are determined to use our privilege to support the work of fierce and bold and relevant emerging talent. Most recently, we purchased a Lifestyle Magazine called Lifestyle from some up and coming second graders, in hopes that our investment might validate and encourage them:

The Mermaid Style

The Tail Style

Princess Style

The Fairy Style

Unicorn Style

We can do this To

 

 

Posted in i am a grown up, i am lucky, kids, things, things that I Have, tout, wanting, YAY | No Comments »

neck things

May 2nd, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Call me materialistic, but I do put a lot of weight on physical things. (No really, do call me that, as that is literally the definition.) Mostly I just like to have things around me to remind of different times in my life that I’m no longer inside of, as I really like to be surrounded by all the years I’ve lived that led me to where I am, which, typing it out loud, might suggest that I live in the past, and so  stay tuned for news of my upcoming book slash self help workshop series HOW TO NEVER EVER BE PRESENT EVER. But today I looked at all of my necklaces, hanging on the wall of my room:

And I just took a moment and looked at them, as a person with too much time on their hands might do with Things. I currently don’t wear any of them, as I wear the same jewelry every day, but hanging here (to name a few) we’ve got some pearls my mom got me from a vintage store in like 2003 when visiting me in NYC and she decided I needed some woman pearls, a necklace I Built myself at Brooklyn Charm in Brooklyn after I received my first paycheck for writing, a heart locket with Beyonce inside of it from Morrison and I’s first Valentine’s Day, a sister necklace from Morrison’s sisters, a compass that Julien and I both got after a trip so that we might always find our way, a tiny North Carolina, a golden owl found in my grandmother’s Things after she died, an Axe from Morrison as he sees and supports my gently violent side. I like having them there, to look at it, to remind me of each of these people, and each of these times. And so THINGS! THINGS FOREVER! And also maybe sometimes, meaningful human connections and maybe other stuff too.

 

Posted in a lot, things, things that I Have, tout, vintage, wanting, YAY | No Comments »

how to say

April 21st, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m not going to go on my exotic cultural exchange trips to exotic and rugged foreign lands like the US state of Hawaii and NOT share my anthropological findings with you. And so, here you go:

The instrument above is NOT pronounced YOU-KOO-LAY-LEE.

It is pronounced. OOO-KOO-LAY-LAY.

I learned this from a trusted native I encountered, by which I mean a guidebook I purchased from Amazon, so it must be true. Okay students, go forth and spread truth. CORRECT EVERY PERSON WHO SAYS IT WRONG. CORRECT THEM ARROGANTLY.

Posted in a lot, the whole world, vacay's, wanting, YAY | No Comments »

chill hat

April 16th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Please note that going forward, this hat that I lifted* from an abandoned gift shop of an abandoned western themed amusement shop outside Maggie Valley, NC is my new disguise / go-to / indicator that I’m chilling, angry, sick, happy, being, or basically just alive, by which I mean, I’m going to allow this thing to fuse and crust to my head to the point where it must be surgically removed, which would be NOT chill, so let’s just agree to leave it there.

*I mean I asked the new owner if I could have it and he said sure, but let’s just pretend I lifted it, to help craft an image of a tough exterior so that I might justify the wearing of a trucker fat with a fish on it.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, vintage, wanting, what I'm wearing, where i want to live, YAY | No Comments »

I grew up and also I’m a Toys R Us kid

March 15th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Yesterday, Toys R Us  announced it will close all of its stores and no longer Be. Last night,  anyone who grew up in the 70s/80s/90s slept curled around memory shadows of Kid Sister dolls  and Ninja Turtle hot wheels and that Thing that you put around one of your Ankles and then Swing it around and Jump over it. All we can do now is Remember, and work out how to explain what it Was to our future kids. Something like:

US: Toys R Us was a big toy store / that

FUTURE KID: What’s store?

US: A big place that sells things —

FUTURE KID: Like internet?

US: No, it’s a big physical, actual place that you go to buy things.

FUTURE KID: Like Amazon?

US: Yes, but you walk into it. With your body.

FUTURE KID: By why not just order it online?

US: Because that was part of it, the going and the looking and the choosing.

FUTURE KID: Hmmm.

US: You’re blinking a lot, what is it, is there something in your eye?

FUTURE KID: Nope!  I Just bought myself a new video game.

US: WITH YOUR EYE?!

(A package THUMPS on the front step.)

FUTURE KID:  OFF TO  SAVE VIRTUAL WORLD, BYE!

 

Posted in life, oh nooo, the future, the whole world, things, vintage, wanting | No Comments »

WHY TO LOOK AT ART

January 6th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I think my soul summoned artist Emily Blencoe , who I happened upon this morning while scrolling through the internet for questions that I don’t have the words for. She arranges everyday objects like tomatoes and rocks into beautiful soothing, symmetrical systems that all seem to exhale, ahhhhhhhh.

COULD I PLEASE WALLPAPER MY SOUL WITH THESE?

Posted in a lot, wanting | No Comments »

I have

December 12th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on I’m a cliche: we straight up spent 400 bucks on cheese and bread and ham and beer and buttercream frosting and christmas tree gummies and assorted other seasonal essentials for our friends for our housewarming party Sunday. We arranged everything carefully on plates and laid out our new rugs and our friends came bearing gifts of rare orchids and wines. Monday morning,  I drove to work, grateful, still beat, squinting through next day chardonnay face. At an intersection, there was a homeless man shaking uncontrollably  from some affliction, asking for money. I saw him and the weight of the previous night and the beauty of it and and the excess of it,  but was it excess? and what is excess, and just the very privilege of all of it crushed down on me and I felt sad and lucky and ashamed.  I dug for whatever cash I could find and the light turned green and cars honked as I slowed to try and get it into his shaking hands, and he God bless you‘d me, and I sobbed the rest of the way to work, and there’s a part of me that’s still sobbing, because God bless me WHY. Why, Why, Why. Why do the have’s have? And why do the have’s have not? Why is that I have, and keep receiving?  Why not them? How can I take what I have and spread it in a way that’s meaningful, beyond just clicking donation links and sobbing at my own generosity on the way to work? WHAT DO I DO WITH WHAT I HAVE? HOW BEST TO GIVE IT?

Posted in i am lucky, the whole world, tout, trying too hard, wanting, words | No Comments »

« Previous Entries