bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

I AM HERE (?)

June 6th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Public Servant opens tonight and sadly I am not there, because I can’t be Everywhere, so I’m across the country wishing it Well.  But I dreamt last night that I WAS there, but I was a hologram, I was a projection from a machine I couldn’t see, I was sitting in the rehearsal room in Pajamas watching the actors prepare, and whenever anyone spoke to me I said I’m so sorry, I’m not really here, and so I’m left to wonder, AM I HERE? AM I TRULY ANYWHERE?

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am scared, life, the future, the writing of drama plays, theater | No Comments »

Rachel Held Evans, 37

June 4th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

This remarkable person died last month. I somehow managed to not hear about her until AFTER she died, which still feels absurd to me, as her life’s work was questioning her faith while also living in it, finding space within her religion (Evangelical Christian turned Episcopalian) for the marginalized, but mostly — BECAUSE SHE DECIDED TO LIVE A WHOLE YEAR OF HER LIFE AS A BIBLICAL WOMAN AND WROTE A BOOK ABOUT IT, LIKE SHE SLEPT IN THE YARD WHEN SHE GOT HER PERIOD AND CALLED HER HUSBAND MASTER, to both honor biblical traditions but also dig into their ridiculousness. HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS PERSON? I have since ordered all she’s written, and plan to spend as much time as possible bathing my brain in it. So far, from what I’ve learned from her, this resonates with me the most: Living in faith is better than living in fear. But also, her death has given me a weird gift. She died at the age of 37, a few weeks shy of her 38th birthday, after complications from an infection. I’m turning 37 next week and I’ve been wearing this fact around like a big wet dress. I own 37 but don’t love that I’m becoming it with no kid or motherhood in sight. But reporters and writers  keep calling her YOUNG as they list her profound accomplishments, which makes me feel old but still young, still much to do, much to learn.  And learning Everything this dear person ever wrote and thought is next.

Posted in a lot, faith, famous people stuff, hmmmmm, i am lucky, life, love | No Comments »

WHY TO GO TO THE DENTIST

June 2nd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I don’t know who went and told my dentist that I’m badly in need of positive affirmations these days, but this was yesterday:

MY DENTIST, after examining my teeth: Wow. Everything’s looking great. You’re doing a great job.

ME: …Thank you! I’ve been trying to floss? More regularly?

MY DENTIST: Really. You should know what a great job you’re doing.

ME:…Thank you!

MY DENTIST: I see a lot of people in here, and you are one of the people who’s doing a great job.

ME (so moved): …..Seriously…I really appreciate that.

MY DENTIST: Honestly. Just…really, really good job.

ME: (SOBBING) THANK YOU

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, i am a grown up, the future, whining, worrying | No Comments »

WILL DO IT ALL

May 31st, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Ever since I went wide with our fertility struggles / welcomed friends and families and colleagues into my Uterus, I have received some really really beautiful notes of encouragement and gifts. I want to highlight two of them here, from two of my favorite women, as they are so different, and yet so the same. First, from my cousin Ella, a Catholic Saint card for me to pray to — Saint Gerard, Patron of expectant Mothers and Fertility:

And from sister in law Jacy, a beautiful fertility goddess necklace / charm, from NYC jewelry designer Suna Bonometti:

I’m going to wear the card around my neck. I’m going to pray to the necklace. I’m going to hold both close and believe in everything and anything in front of me, but most of all, KNOW THAT THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE ARE THE MOST BEST.

Posted in a lot, things that I Have, what my friends are doing, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

Theater as Theater

May 29th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

As a Theater Person, I see a lot of Theater — this trip: Oklahoma! and Hadestown, both remarkable in their own ways and deserving of all of the accolades, BUT — regardless of what I’m seeing, I always have moments of disconnect whenever something super theatery happens. Classic theatery happenings:  someone walking very slowly with an elongated gate from one side of the stage to the other. Someone lifting a chair VERY SLOWLY so that it looks like it’s slow motion. Someone looking out into the audience with profound tears in their eyes, but we’re not quite sure why. I always resist these moments, which is largely unfair, as theater IS theater, but — I think I want to be tricked. I want to be led into a scene so simply and magically that I don’t even know I’m watching a play, because I AM INSIDE OF IT, I live in a world where chairs Fly.

Posted in a lot, generally, hmmmmm, the writing of drama plays, theater | No Comments »

Placebo Organizer

May 27th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I am now taking so many vitamins and supplements that I require a cheery little carrier. All doctor and FDA approved,  I take one with food in the morning, one in the morning without food but with water, one in the mid afternoon between food and with no water, one at night with food and with water, another at night after food while drowning, ALL WITH MISPRONUNCIATIONS,  sometimes with water, sometimes not, ALWAYS WITH A BALANCED HEART, EQUAL PARTS CONFUSION AND OPTIMISM.

Posted in a lot, how interesting, i am a grown up, the future, the making of babies, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

But what does it Mean

May 23rd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

As a proud 23 percent Ashkenazi Jew, Let me first be clear, I DO NOT THINK  THAT RECURRENT MISCARRIAGES EQUALS THE HOLOCAUST, but I’ve been thinking a lot about Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning as I process all of this. In moments of frustration and despair I keep getting really still, sitting there, waiting for it all to mean something. I sit and squint and try and feel and know what this all Means. But Meaning doesn’t come until later, days or months or years later, when you look back and realize what you’ve gained. AGAIN, Recurrent Pregnancy loss NOT being the Holocaust, but I imagine that Viktor pieced his thoughts and experiences together largely AFTER the camp. When you’re in it, all there is to do is feel it, while quietly inside of you, ravines are forming, leading to Somewhere. ONE DAY IT WILL MAKE A BEAUTIFUL MAP.

 

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, the future, whining | No Comments »

JE FRENCH NOW

May 22nd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I chopped my hair off and now I feel French. What does that even mean? Does it mean just, better than our regular selves? I’ll find out. Every meeting I go to now, I will pitch only French ideas. I will pitch shows about Baguettes and Fleurs and soft cheeses and ResisTANCE. When asked if I’ve been to France, I will say OUI. ONE TIME THIRTEEN YEARS AGO. When asked if I speak French, I will say NON. When asked if I have any non-french related ideas, I will say NON, and then a deep meaningful (French?) pause, and then….Souffle? 

Posted in a lot, awesome, what I'm wearing, women, words | No Comments »

SPOILERZ / PREDICTIONZ

May 20th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

My brilliant and trickstery bro-in-law John made this Quiz to accompany last night’s Game of Thrones Series finale, and I’ll just leave my PREDICTIONS here:

IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IT YET, SPOILER: DANY DOES NOT DIE FROM PERIOD

 

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, trying too hard, YAY | No Comments »

Crying while Talking

May 16th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I AM FINE, I am moving, as they say, THROUGH the pain, never under or under, but — I’ve been doing a fair amount of Crying lately, a lot of it while Talking, and I HAVE SOME NOTES FOR MYSELF. When I try and talk while crying, my voice gets really high like a cartoon bell, like it’s being sucked back into my throat while I try and push the words out. The sadder the words make me, the higher my voice gets, and the further it disappears up my throat and out my ears, a raspy gummy bear begging not to be eaten. I want to cry while talking like they do on the TV.  Strong, composed, steady, a solid and controlled voice, with tears coming rhythmically one, two, three. I want to speak in full sentences while crying, I want to say profound things while crying, I want to win the SAG award for Crying While Talking, I want to keep talking through all of these tears.

Posted in a lot, the future, the making of babies, the worst, whining, women, words, YAY | No Comments »

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