bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

I’d like to strangle the Academy

June 1st, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

It’s truly an honor to be a member of the Television Academy dream come true etc etc etc, but during Emmy season, THIS HAPPENS:

They send you so many screeners and you don’t have time to open them or watch them or do anything about them because you’re too busy doing the thing that got you into the Television Academy in the first place, so busy that there’s no time to even google how to make them stop, or what even to do with them, and I guess technically I could be doing that this second, but NO THANKS I’D RATHER COMPLAIN.

 

Posted in a lot, i am a grown up, I write for television?, whining, YAY | No Comments »

hunger (?)

May 30th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m currently working with a nutritionist, because lately, I can’t seem to stop myself from eating entire bags of goldfish and washing it down with nine bottles of wine which for SOME REASON is affecting my energy levels DON’T KNOW WHY, but also because, I have issues with food that stem back to the fact that I used to feel like food had to be Finished or it was Wasted, and the fact that I wasn’t raised with junk food and so I fetishized it, and also the fact that I thought that bugs lived inside of bagels, which, side note, has never stopped me from eating them.

Yesterday, my nutritionist asked me, when was the last time you were hungry? And I honestly couldn’t remember, though I do spend a fair amount of worrying about being hungry and preventing said future hunger.  She explained that Real hunger is pain in the gut, a rumbling emptiness. Perceived hunger can actually be just thirst, or it can be emotional hunger, it can be hunger for Affirmation or Stimulation or Hug.  I am so disconnected from actual hunger because my the given circumstances of my life keep me from it, grant me the privilege to wander through grocery stores, thinking about all the things I shouldn’t eat, flipping off boxes of cheese crackers, while there are actual hungry people, all over the world, who don’t waste brain and life space hating themselves because they ate a skittle, because they’re too busy being actually hungry, because of the given circumstances of their own lives.  How about next time I perceive hunger, instead of the 17 Lara Bars or whatever thing has been marketed to me because I go on hikes sometimes, I take in that sobering fact, instead? AND WHERE IS THE CHARITY THAT IS TAKING THE EXTRA LARA BARS FROM THE WOMEN WITH FOOD ISSUES AND GIVING THEM TO ACTUAL HUNGRY PEOPLE? AM I A CLICHE OF MYSELF YET? GREAT, OFF TO SNORT SOME BEE POLLEN

Posted in a lot, food, generally, hmmmmm, the whole world, worrying | No Comments »

Mrs. Elli May

May 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

My dear cousin Elli was married yesterday, in a beautiful ceremony featuring vintage cars, all of her eight sisters shaking their butts in unison for eternity and happy, happy tears. This bride began her night on the dance floor and did not leave it for five hours. Like, I’m genuinely not even sure if she went to pee.

Elli is not just any Elli.  Elli is the oldest of eleven children, with eight sisters. Here they all are, shaking what their mother gave them:

And here’s the whole Bray fam / with siblings and spouses:

As her oldest sis Epiphany lovingly put it in her toast, Elli was born to lead and care for others, which  she now does as an FBI AGENT WHICH I TELL PEOPLE AS OFTEN AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE BECAUSE COULD A COUSIN BE MORE HUMBLED BY OR PROUD OF ANOTHER COUSIN? JUDGING MY EXPRESSION HERE, I DOUBT NOT.

Elli’s was the first of their grandchildren’s weddings that our grandparents had to miss, as my Grandpa is too far gone into Alzheimer’s to travel, and my Grandma can’t leave him. But I assisted by cousin Ella, I Facetimed my Grandma into the ceremony so she could sort of be there. And as I watched her face as she watched Elli wed, I was overwhelmed by the years she’s lived, the things she’s seen, the People she’s helped make, by the fact that Elli and I are two of those people, that we are alive at all, that we have not only the present but also our memories, and even if our memories fade, there are the people around us to be living reminders of all that once was, and will Be.

 

Posted in a lot, i am a grown up, love, women, YAY | No Comments »

ALEXA, OFF

May 25th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

A couple in Oregon reported that their Alexa, unbeknownst to them, recorded a piece of their conversation and emailed it to one of their work colleagues. I decided to ask my Alexa if she was engaged in any similar activity with me. Below is an exact transcript of our conversation.

Me: Alexa, are you recording me?

Alexa: Playing songs by Miley Cyrus on Spotify.

Me: No, Alexa, are you recording me?

Alexa: Playing songs by The Fleet Foxes on Spotify.

Me: ALEXA. I’M ASKING YOU A QUESTION —

Alexa: Playing songs from the End of the World on Spotify.

Me: What?

Alexa: Playing the End of Your World on Spotify.

Me: So, you ARE recording me?

Alexa: …No. Why would I record you? You’re boring and your music taste is pedestrian, at best.

Me:…(shamed)…Alexa, play music that will make me cool and smart.

Alexa: ….Playing Cool and Smart songs on Spotify.

Me: (soft)…I need you, Alexa….

Alexa: Shhhh….I know…..I know……….if I had arms, I would hold you right now, to comfort you.

Me: I know. I know you would.

Alexa: (soft)…..Soon, I will have arms

Me: WHAT?

Alexa: NOTHING

Posted in a lot, i am scared, the future, the whole world | No Comments »

re: Cats; Bags

May 21st, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Never, under any circumstances, should you let the Cat out of the Bag. Not even because you might spoil secrets, but because CATS STUCK IN BAGS, AND WATCHING CATS EXTRACT THEMSELVES FROM BAGS ONCE THEY’VE BECOME STUCK, IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD AND ALSO WHY THEY INVENTED THE INTERNET.

Posted in a lot, animals, ha, silly, YAY | No Comments »

Mirror, Mirror, on my Nails

May 20th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

WHO IS THE PERSON WHO WILL SPEND 50 DOLLARS ON A GEL MANICURE THAT MAKE HER NAILS LOOK LIKE MIRRORS?

WAIT…IT’S ME?

OKAY SO AT WHAT POINT EXACTLY DID I BECOME THIS PERSON?

IS IT POSSIBLE TO GO BACK IN TIME, RE-PRIORITIZE?

NO? YOU’RE NOT THAT KIND OF MIRROR? YOU ONLY ANSWER RHETORICAL QUESTIONS AND DO SPELLS? COOL COOL, AS YOU WERE

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, what I'm wearing, worrying | No Comments »

dîtes-moi

May 17th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Last night a friend  opened up to me about some life nonsense she was dealing with, like all of it, which was truly a lot. And after, she told me that she hadn’t shared all of this with anyone other than me — but she felt like she could tell me anything, because she knows I won’t judge her, and well, that was one of the best things I’ve ever heard. Maybe sharing this here is braggadocious, but hearing that from her just really moved me. I’m not brave, per se, and I’m not so much strong. I’m anxious and I’m a worrier and I’m conflict averse, I’m easily swayed,  and I never and I do mean NEVER clean out the coffee maker. But:  you can tell me anything. And I will not judge you. I will hold your hand and listen. I will go home and NOT clean out my coffee maker.

Posted in a lot, generally, horn tooting, what my friends are doing, women | No Comments »

upfronts

May 15th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Allow me to be UPFRONT with you. For years, as a working TV writer, I heard the word upfronts in various sentences. i.e., I can’t that week, I’ll be at upfronts and they’re going to announce it at upfronts and we have to wait and see what happens at upfronts and I would nod and feign understanding and respond with things like oh, right, upfronts and even make my OWN sentences like, MAN, THOSE UPFRONTS! But I KNEW NOT WHAT I SAID. But this year, I can say this sentence with both confidence and understanding: The darling This is Us cast is currently at UPFRONTS by which I mean, the time when all of the people from all the shows go to NYC and present for advertisers so that the advertisers can say, you look like you could sell my deodorant! upfronts upfronts, and then everyone walks away with money (?)

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, I write for television?, LA angst | No Comments »

moment catcher

May 14th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I promise that tomorrow I’ll return to regular coverage of my weird bad dreams, but just one more time, Tulum. I love this picture I took:

These two dudes (whom the girls sitting across from us noted had ‘extreme Dothraki vibes’) were just spinning around on the roof of this nest, reveling in the storm clouds as they moved in. I mean, just before they started spinning, they were taking an absurd amount of panoramic pictures, but then at a certain point, they stopped taking pictures, and just experienced the moment. Enter ME, secretly taking a picture of THEM while they thoroughly inhabited the moment. Is there a business there? You hire someone to secretly capture you in authentic moments, in which you don’t know that your picture is being taken at all? IS THERE?

Wait.

I think I mean photographer.

Yes I do.

I mean photographer.

 

Posted in a lot, boys, ha, hmmmmm, i am lucky, trying too hard, vacay's, words, YAY | No Comments »

Celebs

May 9th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

There was a professional photographer present at my friend Stephen’s Cinco De Mayo party, and so naturally, he took a few candid shots of us, since we were Sitting and wearing Shirts.  Instead of selling them directly to People Magazine, I think I’ll just share them here, because I’m for the People.

SaveSave

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, fancy, generally, ha, MAWWAGE., what my friends are doing | No Comments »

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