bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

Try and Come

April 21st, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

HAPPY MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY!!! In celebration of Christ’s resurrection, WE ARE ACCIDENTALLY HAVING 100 PPL OVER TO OUR HOUSE FOR HONEY HAM BECAUSE LIKE 90% OF THE PPL WE INVITED ARE COMING, WHICH NEVER HAPPENS, BUT YAY.  While scrolling through the RSVP’s in slight terror, I encountered one of my favorite ridiculous things that people say: I’m going to try and come. What does this even mean? You either go, or don’t go. How do you TRY and go? Is it like a person  TRYING to leave their driveway, but their car is blocked by a giant boulder, so they Try and move it, but can’t, and stay home? This is Try. Or maybe Jesus trying to exit his tomb to get to his I’m Alive again Party, that he definitely RSVPed for, but he can’t move the Stone. Sorry y’all. I tried to come, but I could not. 

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, holidays, how interesting, YAY | No Comments »

How to know you’re a medium old Potato

April 19th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Instead of matching tattoos YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS GET MATCHING PAJAMAS

YOU FIND THEM AT TARGET WHEN YOU’RE DOING A QUICK STOP FOR FLO-NASE AND PAPER TOWELS

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW TO EVER NOT WEAR THEM

OR AT LEAST, THIS IS WHAT YOU TELL PEOPLE, SO AS TO ENSURE THAT YOU NEVER HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR HOUSE, EVER AGAIN

 

Posted in a lot, what I'm wearing, YAY | No Comments »

GROWN UP EGG HUNT

April 17th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Morrison and I are in prep mode for the giant Easter potluck / egg hunt we’re hosting Sunday, in which we’re going to revel in all of our friend’s children for four hours THEN POLITELY ASK THEM TO LEAVE SO WE CAN WATCH GAME OF THRONES ALONE. In the invite, I called it an ‘all ages egg hunt’ which I’m realizing is a terrible idea, as obviously, the grown ups will find the eggs before the children. But as a thought experiment, I’m making a mental list of the things that would go inside of Grown-up eggs:

  • Tiny succulents
  • Midol
  • Tylenol PM
  • Weed Gummies
  • Passwords to private links to indie short films
  • Squirts of hand sanitizer
  • Claritin
  • Boullion cubes
  • Xanax
  • AND OTHER REASONS WHY THERE SHOULD NEVER BE A GROWN UP EGG HUNT

 

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, holidays, how interesting, i am a grown up | No Comments »

OPINIONS

April 9th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

ASK ME HOW I FEEL ABOUT SPRING

AND I WILL SHOUT THESE AT YOU

 

Posted in a lot, fancy, food, generally, ha, JE BAKE, YAY | No Comments »

there is nothing like a dame

March 30th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Earlier this week, I found myself getting my hair done next to a stunningly beautiful woman, like a woman beautiful not because of makeup, but because of inner life glow, alive eyes, white white teeth and voice like a British bell kept safe in a museum. She was trying decide which haircut to get, as she’d narrowed it to down to something like 6 different styles, and I said Well you could always grow five more heads and get all of them! And she threw her head back and laughed, so fully and deeply that I felt like I’d won a prize, and just for a second I think I became every man throughout history, in Rome and France and in every production of Guys and Dolls, who lived to make a beautiful woman laugh.

Posted in a lot, the whole world, tout, trying too hard, women, YAY | No Comments »

Have you been taking your Prenatal Vitamins

March 28th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Kind, well, intentioned doctor: So, have you been taking your Prenatal Vitamins?

Me: Are you serious?

Doctor:….Yes?

(A TRAGIC, TRIUMPHANT SONG OF LES MISERABLES PROPORTIONS BEGINS. I stand on the table, wearing nothing but paper. I start to sing.)

Me:

YES

I HAVE BEEN TAKING THEM FOR YEARS

MADAM, I AM A PRENATAL VITAMIN

I BLEED FISH OIL AND FOLIC ACID!

MADAM, I TAKE THEM DAILY, BLINDLY, MERCILESSLY, 

SOMETIMES I JUST EAT THEM AS SNACKSSSSSSSS!!!!

(Calmly, I sit back down on the table.)

Doctor: Okay, well. Keep on taking them.

Me: WILL DO.

 

Posted in a lot, food, generally, ha, hmmmmm, the making of babies, whining, women | No Comments »

BOWELS OF THE DARK WEB

March 26th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Last night, deep in the trashcan of the Internet, I stumbled across this heinous, vile (BEAUTIFUL) thing called Couples Acroyoga, in which COUPLES DO YOGA CRAZY YOGA POSES ON EACH OTHER AND ALSO KISS:

Do they like it? Or Is it forced? Does she say, hey Jason, let’s do the thing and he’s like ugh Melissa, right NOW? And she’s like JASON YOU PROMISED

Do they puke on each other before, after, during or all of it? ALSO, MOST IMPORTANTLY,  I WANT TO DO IT, HOW LONG UNTIL MORRISON AND I ARE CASUALLY DOING IT WHILE WATCHING TV

ALSO HOW DO YOU MEASURE TIME WHEN IT’S NEVER

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, tout, trying too hard, Uncategorized, working, YAY | No Comments »

DREAM LIFE PARTNER

March 24th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

He’s currently looking at pictures of Star Jasmine to train and grow up our pergola, mumbling to himself, Star Jasmine is the shit.

Every now and then, and when I least expect it,  like perhaps just announcing that he’s going to go downstairs,  he starts doing very serious modern dance moves for no reason. They’re always gone as quickly as they started.

THIS IS HOW HE PUTS THE DUVET BACK INTO THE DUVET COVER.

REALLY ASKING, HOW DID I MANAGE TO PULL THIS OFF?

Posted in a lot, boys, i am lucky, love, MAWWAGE. | No Comments »

A Bird on the Hand

March 22nd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Yesterday, while surrounded by the comforts of the controlled environment in which I live, I found myself thinking about how rarely I step out of my comfort zone. MAYBE I take risks while writing? PERHAPS? But mostly I tend to make choices that keep me in situations in which unexpected things rarely happen, I have control over the variables of the environment, and I mostly interact with people who are like me. And I thought ,WHY, AS A WRITER, WOULD I EVER LIVE THIS WAY? Which is why, last night, over a controlled and comfortable dinner, Morrison and I signed up for a falconry class, because if A PEREGRINE FALCON (THE WORLD’S FASTEST ANIMAL) LANDING ON YOUR HAND IS NOT THE VERY DEFINITION OF STEPPING OUT OF ONE’S COMFORT ZONE THEN I TRULY DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS BUT YOU GUYS IT’S DEFINITELY NOT EXPERIMENTING WITH NEW WAYS TO EAT SWEET POTATOES OR READING BOOKS THAT SHOUT YOUR OWN BELIEFS BACK AT YOU.

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, i am lucky, i am scared, the whole world, things that I Have, tout, trying too hard, YAY | No Comments »

(MISSPELLED) CAKE POSTERS FOREVER

March 18th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

NO BUT REALLY DID YOU THINK I WAS DONE TALKING ABOUT CAKE? *NEVER NOT DONE / DRIVES TO DMV / CHANGES NAME TO CAKE*

The Cake is currently backpacking around America like a dang college drop out.  It’s currently in rehearsal in Fayetteville, NC,  Sarasota, Florida and Lake Dillon, Colorado.  I would like to please draw attention to Colorado’s phenomenal poster:

THE CAKE WAS DESTROYED / THE BRIDES WERE PLACED BACK ON TOP / WILL I EVER TIRE OF LOOKING AT POSTERS OF THIS PLAY / IS THIS A TIME LOOP / AM I ACTUALLY ALIVE / WHO IS BEKAH BRUNSETTER (?)

 

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, how interesting, i am lucky, the writing of drama plays, theater | No Comments »

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