bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

ALL OF IT

September 11th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, in the Salad of my head: At the first preview of The Cake last night, the older couple in front of me’s assisted listening devices weren’t working, and so they couldn’t hear 80% of the play and I was so frustrated for them. Also I finally, after a month of pain and dizziness and fog, have my brain back and my wits about me. And so given what happened 17 years ago today — I will spend this entire day, and hopefully all of the rest of them, remembering that it’s all a gift. Nothing is guaranteed. Hearing is a miracle. Health is good fortune. LIFE IS A BONUS. IT’S ALL GIFTS, ALL OF IT.

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love what is present

March 6th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on I read a book and it changed my life or at least I had a moment in which I felt a change and you know, we’ll see if it actually lasts, but please could it?:

This passage from Kate Bowler’s Everything Happens for a Reason and other Lives I’ve Loved (a memoir by a woman who’s in the slow process of dying from cancer at age 35):

“I think I believed I was living in the center, but I rarely let my feet rest on solid ground, rooting me in the present. I my eyes shifted to look for that thing just beyond, the next deadline, the next hurdle, the next plan. That second baby is going to need his or her own room, so let’s talk about renovations. On long walks I forever roped (my husband) into my favorite topic: The next thing. How could we improve our lives? What could we do next?…If I were to invent a sin to describe what that was — for how I lived — I would not say it was simply that I didn’t stop to smell the roses. It was the sin of arrogance, of becoming impervious to life itself. I failed to love what was present and decided to love what was possible, instead.”

PLEASE LORD, MAY I LOVE WHAT IS PRESENT, MAY I STOP THE PLANNING AND FUTURE THINKING, AS MUCH AS IT COMFORTS ME.

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GEMS.

October 22nd, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

As luck would have it, we made it through an ENTIRE YEAR OF MARRIAGE. We are even strongly considering the possibility of, you know, continuing it forever, as it has been rewarding, character building, wonderful, mysterious, hilarious, strange, and perhaps the best thing I have  ever done. We are spending today reflecting back on the wedding and going back through the pictures, remembering all of the small but momentous parts of day.  I think when you first get your wedding pictures you are overwhelmed by the All of them, because looking at them today, I feel like I barely even looked at them when I first went through. And so I share some of  my new favorites with you:  each a tiny, specific life moment. I’m not even going to ramble about what they are, about what they mean. I’m just going to let them speak for themselves, as pictures do.

Posted in a lot, DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i have peace, life, love, MAWWAGE., memories, YAY | No Comments »

marriage song

September 27th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Now that I’m a locked down and spoken for and happily married woman person, I truly have only one regret: I can no longer be spurned or rejected by someone I’m deeply in love with.  More specifically, I can never again sing-scream through  tears  I’LL GET OVER YOUUUUUUU, I KNOW I WILL, I’LL PRETEND MY SHIP’S NOT SINKING, AND I’LL TELL MYSELF, I’M OVER YOU, CAUSE I’M THE KING OF WISHFUL THINKINGGGGGGGGGGG. I mean, I can sing it all I want, and believe you me, I do. But it’s not the same. Woe is not me. Instead, comfort is me. Warmth and stability are me. Perhaps instead: I’LL BE MARRIED TO YOU / I KNOW I WILL / I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT ALL YOUR SOUNNNNNDS MEAN / AND I’LL TELL MYSELF / LET’S STOP BY TRADER JOES ON THE WAY HOME BECAUSE I THINK WE’RE OUT OF OLIVE OIL?

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i have peace, love, MAWWAGE., things that I Have, tout, wanting, words, YAY | No Comments »

lie there and think about yourself

September 12th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Maybe I’m doing it wrong, but I don’t like the part at the end of yoga where you’re supposed to ‘lie there and think about yourself, and only yourself.’ All I ever do is think about myself. I am, in fact,  sick of thinking about myself. Whenever the instructor tells me to do this, I just lie there and think about all of the ways in which I spend too much time thinking about myself, and by the time the class ends, I am so weighed down by my own narcissism that I can barely move. Maybe instead, I’ll lay there and think about other people. Maybe for me, savasana should be FORGETTING I EVEN EXIST.

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, i have peace, life, wanting, whining, worrying | No Comments »

Light

September 1st, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on (wo)man’s search for meaning, I can’t stop thinking about this NYT picture of some people in Houston taking in vibrant sunlight for the first time in days:

Just as we all paused life and watched the eclipse a few weeks back, here are these people, rejoicing in a vast, shared thing. I’m not going to go as far as to say that perhaps God sent Harvey to humble us, and bring us together, but, okay, yes. MAYBE DID GOD SEND HARVEY TO HUMBLE US AND BRING US TOGETHER?   I acknowledge that this is a dangerous statement, as surely, most of the people who lost their homes in the floods were already humbled, already together. They did not need to lose their worldly belongings to be reminded of what they already knew. And It’s not lost on me that the flooding affected already poverty stricken, black and latino communities, and there are definitely other communities who are in greater need of being humbled. But still, I want it to be more than just wind forming over an ocean. I want it to have meant something. It’s not my job to determined said meaning, as I was not affected by the storm, but I can’t help but try. I just might look at this picture until it find it.

Posted in faith, generally, i am lucky, i am scared, i have peace, the whole world, tout, trying too hard, words, worrying | No Comments »

EVERYTHING BUT THIS IS BAD

August 17th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I don’t have any profound insight into the events of the last few days, but I do feel a need to express something, and so:

VANS ARE BAD

CROWDS ARE BAD

HATE IS BAD

THE DVIDE IS BAD

EVERYTHING IS BAD

BUT

DEBRA JO IS GOING TO BE ON THIS IS US IN WHAT WILL BE A PRETTY INCREDIBLE STORYLINE WITH RANDALL AND BETH, A WHITE WOMAN WITH A BLACK COUPLE, BUT IT’S BEAUTIFULLY NOT EVEN ABOUT THAT, BECAUSE I AM FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO WORK FOR A SHOW THAT IS A PLATFORM FOR TRUTHFUL, UPLIFTING STORIES ABOUT FAMILY AND RACE AND CLASS AND ALL OF THE MUCK INBETWEEN

SO AT LEAST ONE THING IS NOT BAD

WORDS DONE

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, i have peace, the future, the whole world, tout, trying too hard, TV, what my friends are doing, whining, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

Je Jew!

July 21st, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

For my 35th birthday, I gifted myself with a 23 and me kit. Basically you spit into a vial and give the vial to the mailman and a month later they email you and tell you who you are. I am proud to announce that Je 23.5% Ashkenazi Jew. My whole adult life I have called myself a quarter Jewish, since my grandma was Jewish, and because Math,  but maybe I was just sort of clinging  to the idea, as it connected to me some profound past that I longed for. But today, IT IS ACTUALLY TRUE. Based strictly on google image search of the words, I can only assume that this beautiful woman is my great great great grandmother:

As for the other 76.5 percent, it’s mostly mall parking lots, triscuits and hair ties but DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.

Posted in a lot, history, hmmmmm, horn tooting, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i have peace, I'M SO EXCITED, life, women, YAY | No Comments »

I am she

January 27th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I now know why I have such an affinity for young Kate on This is Us, for her obsession with food and her insecurities.  In The Pool episode when she gets a note from a mean group of girls declaring they don’t want to hang with her anymore, that was based on something that happened to me, but fifth grade, and cafeteria, and maybe I still have the note and remember exactly who wrote it but I’M NOT HERE TO NAME NAMES REBECCA SINK WAS HER NAME.   As it turns out,  I am in fact just a grown up version of lil’ Kate:

WE ARE ONE.

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, i have peace, I write for television?, kids, life, memories, narcissism, women | No Comments »

Baby’s first Meditation class!

January 13th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

After years of resistance, I finally gave in yesterday and tried my first meditation class. I’ve been resisting it because 1.) I do not like to sit still b.) I do not want to be a person who says things like, yesterday I tried my first meditation class. But while in Thailand and Hong Kong, I kept hearing about it and witnessing it, and then once home, my friend Alexis, who has a kindred spirit rapid fire brain, told me she’d started it and that it had completely changed her relationship to her own life — so I was like, FINE. Lord knows I can stand to quiet my head. It was a simple, intro, 30 minute class, and while the teacher kept telling us that we were trees (and also, I’ll admit, some pretty helpful stuff about what it is to be alive, the simplicity of that) I tried very, very hard to sit STILL, and to not judge my own thoughts, or the moments themselves. My thoughts were something like okay is it working I think maybe it’s working okay let me listen to what he’s saying and try and remember it wait what did he just say I already forgot I should really be writing this down okay maybe I’ll just breathe and pretend I am a tree did he say tree or maybe he said flower okay this is not working but I’m breathing and I think I’m still, am I still? Morrison would like this he would be so much better at this than me maybe I should bring him to a class we could do it together and maybe we could get tacos where are tacos what kind of tacos what kind of tortillas tacos hmmm I AM A TREE I AM A TREE. I’m going to take the fact that I basically sat still for 30 minutes as an accomplishment, and try a few more times. I think I see value in finding a way to transcend the whir of my thoughts, and just Be, not ten minutes ahead or two hours behind, just simply where I am, alive, and grateful for it.


Posted in how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, i have peace, LA angst, the whole world | No Comments »

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