bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

The Easiest Part

October 9th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

My friend Maggie and her boyfriend Grimur had a little Girl about 6 months ago, as weird and beautiful as her parents. I kept asking Maggie what her daughter’s name was, and she kept saying, we don’t know. And also: we’ll decide when the government needs us to! Granted, they are Icelandic, so basically they ONLY DO THINGS IF INSTRUCTED TO BY HIDDEN PEOPLE, or if compelled to do so by their art guts. They were so busy raising and marveling at her, that her name didn’t really seem to matter. Their little girl went nameless for I think something like 3 months before they settled on Myrra, something that both Americans and Icelanders could easily pronounce. I was thinking about Myrra and Maggie the other day as Morrison and I had our 8 millionth ‘what will we name our children‘ conversation. For us, that has been the easiest part, probably because we’ve had much time to discuss. It started the year before we got married as we floated in a desert hot Spring, poking around the names of our siblings and grandparents and musicians we liked. For going on four years now, we’ve known ****** and ****** and ******. Their names are so clear to us, and we repeat them sometimes, remind ourselves of them, like saying ***** and ***** and ****** will make them exist, before they do. Just as I’m trying to patiently allow myself to think about worst case scenarios, I’m trying to also think about the good ones. Like when ***** or ****** or ****** is grown, they might ask us someday, why did you name me *****? And we will smile and say, because we knew it was your name, long before we knew You.

Posted in i am a grown up, i am lucky, i have peace, kids, silly, the future, the making of babies, whining, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

LORD HELP ME

June 10th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

IN AN ATTEMPT TO SOOTHE MY BRAINWHIR, I’VE BECOME A PERSON WHO WRITES PRAYERS AND AFFIRMATIONS (WHICH I’M COMING TO REALIZE ARE THE SAME THING) ON NOTECARDS AND PLACES THEM WHERE I CAN MOST FREQUENTLY SEE THEM

IS THIS A SIGN OF THE END (OR PERHAPS THE BEGINNING)

Posted in a lot, i am lucky, i am scared, i have peace, oh nooo, the future, the making of babies, trying too hard, whining, women, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

WOE IS NOT YOU

April 29th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I tend to have way too much empathy for people who perhaps don’t deserve it. In the secret parts of my head, I oftentimes empathize with bigots and murderers and terrorists and people who pee on toilet seats.  But so help me God, I can find NONE EMPATHY for women who are having a hard time conceiving their EIGHT MILLIONTH CHILD, as I so desperately just want ONE. I want to empathize, so bad, as it’s under the same umbrella of sadness that I’ve felt, but even attempting to do so gets me so angry. And so when reading the abyss that is Pregnancy Internet, and I come across a ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me my other nine children are perfectly healthy and I got pregnant with each of them just by drinking a Beer looking at my husband That Way and NOW I CAN’T SEEM TO HAVE MY NINTH CHILD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME’ I feel the opposite of empathy, which is Stab (AND YES, PLEASE NOTE THAT I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO ASK FOR YOUR PITY IF AND WHEN I, AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE, HAVE TROUBLE CONCEIVING A CHILD WHEN I ALREADY HAVE ONE, AT WHICH POINT YOU CAN RE-DIRECT ME TO THIS POST.)

Posted in a lot, babies, I am furious, i am scared, i have peace, whining, women | No Comments »

ALL OF IT

September 11th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, in the Salad of my head: At the first preview of The Cake last night, the older couple in front of me’s assisted listening devices weren’t working, and so they couldn’t hear 80% of the play and I was so frustrated for them. Also I finally, after a month of pain and dizziness and fog, have my brain back and my wits about me. And so given what happened 17 years ago today — I will spend this entire day, and hopefully all of the rest of them, remembering that it’s all a gift. Nothing is guaranteed. Hearing is a miracle. Health is good fortune. LIFE IS A BONUS. IT’S ALL GIFTS, ALL OF IT.

Posted in a lot, generally, i am lucky, i have peace | No Comments »

love what is present

March 6th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on I read a book and it changed my life or at least I had a moment in which I felt a change and you know, we’ll see if it actually lasts, but please could it?:

This passage from Kate Bowler’s Everything Happens for a Reason and other Lives I’ve Loved (a memoir by a woman who’s in the slow process of dying from cancer at age 35):

“I think I believed I was living in the center, but I rarely let my feet rest on solid ground, rooting me in the present. I my eyes shifted to look for that thing just beyond, the next deadline, the next hurdle, the next plan. That second baby is going to need his or her own room, so let’s talk about renovations. On long walks I forever roped (my husband) into my favorite topic: The next thing. How could we improve our lives? What could we do next?…If I were to invent a sin to describe what that was — for how I lived — I would not say it was simply that I didn’t stop to smell the roses. It was the sin of arrogance, of becoming impervious to life itself. I failed to love what was present and decided to love what was possible, instead.”

PLEASE LORD, MAY I LOVE WHAT IS PRESENT, MAY I STOP THE PLANNING AND FUTURE THINKING, AS MUCH AS IT COMFORTS ME.

Posted in books, generally, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, i have peace | No Comments »

GEMS.

October 22nd, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

As luck would have it, we made it through an ENTIRE YEAR OF MARRIAGE. We are even strongly considering the possibility of, you know, continuing it forever, as it has been rewarding, character building, wonderful, mysterious, hilarious, strange, and perhaps the best thing I have  ever done. We are spending today reflecting back on the wedding and going back through the pictures, remembering all of the small but momentous parts of day.  I think when you first get your wedding pictures you are overwhelmed by the All of them, because looking at them today, I feel like I barely even looked at them when I first went through. And so I share some of  my new favorites with you:  each a tiny, specific life moment. I’m not even going to ramble about what they are, about what they mean. I’m just going to let them speak for themselves, as pictures do.

Posted in a lot, DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i have peace, life, love, MAWWAGE., memories, YAY | No Comments »

marriage song

September 27th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Now that I’m a locked down and spoken for and happily married woman person, I truly have only one regret: I can no longer be spurned or rejected by someone I’m deeply in love with.  More specifically, I can never again sing-scream through  tears  I’LL GET OVER YOUUUUUUU, I KNOW I WILL, I’LL PRETEND MY SHIP’S NOT SINKING, AND I’LL TELL MYSELF, I’M OVER YOU, CAUSE I’M THE KING OF WISHFUL THINKINGGGGGGGGGGG. I mean, I can sing it all I want, and believe you me, I do. But it’s not the same. Woe is not me. Instead, comfort is me. Warmth and stability are me. Perhaps instead: I’LL BE MARRIED TO YOU / I KNOW I WILL / I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT ALL YOUR SOUNNNNNDS MEAN / AND I’LL TELL MYSELF / LET’S STOP BY TRADER JOES ON THE WAY HOME BECAUSE I THINK WE’RE OUT OF OLIVE OIL?

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i have peace, love, MAWWAGE., things that I Have, tout, wanting, words, YAY | No Comments »

lie there and think about yourself

September 12th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Maybe I’m doing it wrong, but I don’t like the part at the end of yoga where you’re supposed to ‘lie there and think about yourself, and only yourself.’ All I ever do is think about myself. I am, in fact,  sick of thinking about myself. Whenever the instructor tells me to do this, I just lie there and think about all of the ways in which I spend too much time thinking about myself, and by the time the class ends, I am so weighed down by my own narcissism that I can barely move. Maybe instead, I’ll lay there and think about other people. Maybe for me, savasana should be FORGETTING I EVEN EXIST.

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, i have peace, life, wanting, whining, worrying | No Comments »

Light

September 1st, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on (wo)man’s search for meaning, I can’t stop thinking about this NYT picture of some people in Houston taking in vibrant sunlight for the first time in days:

Just as we all paused life and watched the eclipse a few weeks back, here are these people, rejoicing in a vast, shared thing. I’m not going to go as far as to say that perhaps God sent Harvey to humble us, and bring us together, but, okay, yes. MAYBE DID GOD SEND HARVEY TO HUMBLE US AND BRING US TOGETHER?   I acknowledge that this is a dangerous statement, as surely, most of the people who lost their homes in the floods were already humbled, already together. They did not need to lose their worldly belongings to be reminded of what they already knew. And It’s not lost on me that the flooding affected already poverty stricken, black and latino communities, and there are definitely other communities who are in greater need of being humbled. But still, I want it to be more than just wind forming over an ocean. I want it to have meant something. It’s not my job to determined said meaning, as I was not affected by the storm, but I can’t help but try. I just might look at this picture until it find it.

Posted in faith, generally, i am lucky, i am scared, i have peace, the whole world, tout, trying too hard, words, worrying | No Comments »

EVERYTHING BUT THIS IS BAD

August 17th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I don’t have any profound insight into the events of the last few days, but I do feel a need to express something, and so:

VANS ARE BAD

CROWDS ARE BAD

HATE IS BAD

THE DVIDE IS BAD

EVERYTHING IS BAD

BUT

DEBRA JO IS GOING TO BE ON THIS IS US IN WHAT WILL BE A PRETTY INCREDIBLE STORYLINE WITH RANDALL AND BETH, A WHITE WOMAN WITH A BLACK COUPLE, BUT IT’S BEAUTIFULLY NOT EVEN ABOUT THAT, BECAUSE I AM FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO WORK FOR A SHOW THAT IS A PLATFORM FOR TRUTHFUL, UPLIFTING STORIES ABOUT FAMILY AND RACE AND CLASS AND ALL OF THE MUCK INBETWEEN

SO AT LEAST ONE THING IS NOT BAD

WORDS DONE

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, i have peace, the future, the whole world, tout, trying too hard, TV, what my friends are doing, whining, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

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