bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

how to use a neti pot

August 24th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

For the last few weeks, I’ve been dealing with some vertigo and lightheadedness (are those the same thing?) that are potentially being caused by sinus stuff, which has lead me to straight to my LIFELONG SWORN ENEMY, THE NETI POT. I know that there are far more dangerous and interesting adversaries, but for whatever reason, I have always told myself I would NEVER take a tiny whimsical teapot full of salt water and dump and it through my nose. AND YET, HERE WE ARE. And so for those of you who have experienced similar trepidation, here’s a quick how to:

  1. Take Neti Pot out of box, stare at it for a few minutes, try and focus on its adorable qualities
  2. Read all of the instructions about ten times, focus on the parts that are like ‘if you put the wrong kind of water in in you will permanently burn and scar your nasal cavity’
  3. Spend an hour boiling and cooling water so as to not burn or scar or poison or ruin your nasal cavity
  4. Fill adorable pot with water, saline packet
  5. Stare at it for another ten minutes, brace yourself for what you’re about to do
  6. Lean over a sink, tilt your head to the left, stick the thing in your other nostril, pour until ‘a gentle stream starts to come out of the other side’ but really
  7. FEEL LIKE YOU’RE DROWNING REALLY IT ALL FEELS LIKE YOU’RE DROWNING AND NOW THE STREAM IS COMING BUT IT’S MORE LIKE A TORTURE DRIP AND OH GOD NOW IT’S COMING OUT OF YOUR EYES, WHAT IS THAT, ARE THOSE TEARS? ARE YOU CRYING SNOT? OH GOD
  8. THROW NETI POT ACROSS ROOM
  9. WAIT 45 MINUTES
  10. REPEAT ON OTHER SIDE

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, whining | No Comments »

that tiny, delicate life

August 18th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • purchases tiny, delicate necklace  for every day wear, in hopes of being a tiny, delicate person that just floats around like a whisper, dotted with diamonds the size of molecules
  • manages to wear it for about four months
  • in a moment of complete non-delicacy, HULKS OUT AND YANKS ON NECKLACE LIKE IT’S MADE OF CHAINS USED TO CAPTURE WHALES; SNAPS NECKLACE IN HALF
  • searches for another, CYCLE CONTINUES

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, things that I Have, tout, trying too hard, whining, women | No Comments »

girl, inside

August 12th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

When I remember to get my hair cut, I always leave the place feeling like an elegant, effortless Body Wash Commercial, stepping out of a white limo on a Loop,

But then I quickly remember the girl inside, who recedes into her chins, pouting at the family wedding because everyone ate all of the mini quiches before she could have one.

I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER THAT THIS IS WHY I WAS POUTING.

Posted in family, food, ha, how interesting, i am a grown up, Uncategorized | No Comments »

I AM FUNNY (?)

August 9th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on where my brain goes and goes: I sometimes find myself wondering whether or not I’m funny, which is probably not something an actual funny person does, and then I remember that one time six years ago when I met Stephen Merchant because we were both doing the 24 Hour Plays on Broadway, and I had just taken the red eye from LA and he had done the same from London, and when he asked me how I was doing, I said I was pre-tired and he said what’s that? and I said, it’s when you’re not tired yet, but you know you’re going to be very soon, and the thought of how tired you’re going to be makes you very tired and he just sort of looked at me for a few moments, then made this exact face:

and said, that’s funny. You’re funny, and I felt like I deserved my own stand up special, wondered if he would ask me for more jokes for HIS stand up special, then, pre-tired,  we both passed out in soft pile of interns, missed most to all of rehearsal.

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, generally, ha, hmmmmm | No Comments »

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

July 31st, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

‘LOST RABBIT. Answers to the name ‘Little Bunny Foo Foo.’ We lost our precious little Fuzzy-Wuzzy three days ago when he broke free from his leash on his walk. Our kids are heartbroken and inconsolable.* He loves to cuddle and nap  with you*  but careful, he nibbles on appendages (he’s a carnivore.) He’s a very rare and expensive breed.*  We’re not rich,* BUT A REWARD IS OFFERED.

*this is actually quite sad to me

*unlike…other rabbits?

*please note that he’s very expensive but also DON’T sell him

*BUT WE ARE INSANE, THO

Posted in a lot, animals, generally, ha, hmmmmm, YAY | No Comments »

MODERN WIFE

July 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • Wakes up
  • Works out
  • Does some work
  • Goes to work
  • Does more work
  • Leaves work, gets in car
  • FRANTICALLY COVERS SELF WITH PERFUME SO THAT HUSBAND WILL THINK SHE SMELLS LIKE TINY DELICATE FLOWER WHEN SHE GETS HOME
  • Gets home, kisses husband
  • collapses on top of work, BUT SMELLS GREAT

Posted in a lot, ha, i am lucky, love, MAWWAGE., whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

BRING YOUR IDEAS TO THE TABLE

July 23rd, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

AND PLZ BE QUITE LITERAL ABOUT IT

 

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, working | No Comments »

HOW TO CRY ON COMMAND

July 18th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Some people focus on an unrequited need or traumatic memory or the smell of something their grandmother used to make. ME? I JUST LOOK AT TINY YELLOW DRESSES MADE FOR BABIES. I don’t even need for there to be actual babies wearing them. It’s just the mere sight of the dress.

WHAT’S THAT? YOU’RE NOT SOBBING AND TOUCHING THE SCREEN AND FRANTICALLY GOOGLING OTHER YELLOW DRESSES MADE FOR BABIES? MAYBE CHECK AND MAKE SURE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR HEART

 

Posted in a lot, babies, generally, ha, hmmmmm | No Comments »

The Spread

July 16th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I think my  favorite feeling in the world might be the one that I get when I make a bunch of food and lay it out on a table for my friends. My second favorite feeling is the one that I get when I watch my friends eat said food with a huge, creepy smile on my face, and they’re like could you stop watching me? I’m trying to eat and I’m like I made the food, so I get to watch you eat it  and they’re like yes and I thank you for it, but maybe could you be a bit more subtle and I’m like SHUT UP AND EAT WHILE I WATCH YOU

Posted in food, generally, ha, i am lucky, what my friends are doing, YAY | No Comments »

Rachel

July 10th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

 

Me, to friend: Let’s have dinner and catch up!

Friend: Yes please, let’s! Who should we reach out to, to schedule?

Me: what?

Friend: …..who should my assistant reach out to, to schedule dinner?

Me:….me? Reach out to me?

Friend: Great! Rachel will reach out.

Me:….Should I have a Rachel?

Friend: EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A RACHEL, BEKAH.

Me:….will she call my eye doctor five times a day until they finally pick up and I can order new contact lenses so I can stop rationing them out to my eyes like gruel?

Friend: THIS IS WHAT RACHEL DOES.

(I realize that I did have someone helping me out last summer who we can technically call an assistant, but still, I’m just marveling at this NEW REALITY.)

(Also said friend 100% needs an assistant.  LOOK AT HER FREAKING GO.)

Posted in a lot, ha, i am lucky, i am scared, what my friends are doing | No Comments »

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