bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

THE LIFE CHANGING MAGIC OF KIDNAPPING

January 19th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Marie Kondo: okay, Bekah. I want you to take all of your clothes out of your closets and drawers, pile them onto your bed. Next, take each piece one by one. If it sparks joy for you, keep it. If it does not, thank it for being in your life, then put it in a pile to donate.

Me: Okay!

Marie Kondo:…Why do you have my children?

Me: HMM? OH. They spark joy for me.

Marie Kondo: My children are not your clothes.

Me: BUT THEIR CHEEKS AND TINY DRESSES

Marie Kondo: Please give me my children back?

Me: (as I run away carrying them)  SORRY, NOTHING ELSE SPARKS THIS MUCH JOY, I HAVE TO GO TUCK THEM NEATLY INTO A DRAWER, BYYEEEEEE

 

 

 

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, generally, ha, hmmmmm, Uncategorized | No Comments »

All of it

January 15th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I would like to document this Look that I’ve been curating since I was wee enough to pull off purple pants:

It’s sort of a winning, curious combination of questions, like: Is she being cute, TRYING really hard to BE cute so as to attract attention she claims she does not want, or is she earnestly presenting kindness so as to make others at ease while behind her eyes curating the darkest of thoughts, OR does she just have to pee? A: IT’S ALL OF IT

 

Posted in ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up | No Comments »

HOW TO SLEEP

January 13th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • Start worrying about 4 PM about how you didn’t sleep enough last night and so tonight you really must sleep
  • Focus on how tired you are and convince yourself that surely, this means that tonight, YOU WILL SLEEP
  • Have a few glasses of wine to definitely ensure definite amounts of (not real but the appearances of real) sleep
  • Have a cup of Herbal Detox tea right before bed to trick your body into thinking you DIDN’T just drink wine to make yourself sleep
  • Go to Bed
  • LIE AWAKE IN BED FOR HOURS, YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN LESS TIRED OR MORE AWAKE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
  • Sleep for five minutes
  • Spiral all the next day, contemplate your sleep problems while sleep-working
  • casually Look at tea
  • REALIZE THAT TEA HAS CAFFEINE, YOU IDIOT
  • MAYBE A TEENY TINY AMOUNT BUT STILL
  • RESOLVE TO NOT DRINK CAFFEINE RIGHT BEFORE BED
  • SLEEP

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, whining | No Comments »

INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW

January 6th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

You know, I’ve been asked a number of times today (two) if I’m at the Golden Globes, and I think I’ll just respond with this picture:

IF WANDERING THE STREETS OF MIDPOINT IN SEARCH OF A RICE KRISPIE TREAT THEN EATING IT ALONE IN YOUR HOTEL ROOM WITH AN  HERBAL TEA THAT YOU BROUGHT WITH YOU IN YOUR SUITCASE ISN’T AN AWARDS SHOW THEN I DON’T WANT TO BE RIGHT

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, fancy, food, ha, YAY | No Comments »

MY DAYS ARE NUMBERED

December 30th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

To whoever thought to invent number shaped cookie cutters: CONGRATULATIONS AND WELCOME INTO MY WILL, IF NOT MY LIFE’S WORK, IF NOT MY LEGACY. You were probably a 19th century Grandma who one morning bent metal into a 2, and you are probably long gone, but still, I would just really like to shake your hand, if not high five you, if that was a thing Then.

Posted in a lot, food, generally, ha, holidays, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, procrastibaking, YAY | No Comments »

6, scared of 7

December 14th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on I CAN CONTROL THE FUTURE WITH MY FEELINGS: For whatever reason, 36 feels like a safe, good, young age to me. There’s a roundness to it, a lightness, a youth. But then I think about turning 37 next year, and it has a danger, a sharpness, an oldness. 38 feels round again, safe and young again, but in an old way. 39 feels like a cliff, 40 like campground at high elevation with built in firepits,  a stunning view. Even, odd. I now know that I will turn 37 and not yet be a mom (tho perhaps in growth stage?)  I keep fixating on that number and punishing myself for it. I also keep fixating on the ages of women younger than me, who already have their kids / are currently growing them, and I keep feeling behind, like I’m supposed to be ahead but not, which is another way to say behind, which I already said, because I feel it to the point of repetition. And so, I’ll remind myself here:

Things that are NOT competitions:

  • who breathes the most per minute
  • who grows their hair the fastest
  • Having Kids

Things that ARE competitions:

  • Races
  • The Great British Baking show
  • Competitions

 

 

 

 

Posted in a lot, family, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, love, MAWWAGE., the making of babies, Uncategorized | No Comments »

field research

December 12th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

EXCITING DRAMATURGICAL ANNOUNCEMENT! I’ve always wanted to write a Christmas Play, so that in the year 2320 when I’m long gone, I’ll be remembered solely by my Christmas play which every robot high school in the midwest performs every single year. And so: my next play, a commission for South Coast Rep in Costa Mesa, CA is about a disgruntled group of Mall Santas. Why, here’s my niece Olivia, helping her auntie with a little field research:

Other words for  ‘field research’ include ‘confronting fears’ and ‘sitting on the warm lap of the devil’ and ‘confusing exercise in terror’ and ‘WHY MOMMY WHY.’ THE FUTURE ROBOT THESPIANS THANK YOU, LIV. NOW GET BACK OUT THERE / TAKE NOTES.

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, holidays, the writing of drama plays, YAY | No Comments »

Self Esteam

December 8th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me, to Morrison: There’s some weird steam happening on the side of our house right now. Here’s a video.

Morrison: ….That’s steam. Steam happens when water evaporates. Like when it rains. The sun heats up the water, after….

Me: I mean, I KNOW, but it just seems like a lot of steam.

Morrison: I mean yeah, it is, but it rained a lot, and now it’s very sunny, so —

Me: SCIENCE

Morrison: Yep. Just basically that.

Me: I’M VERY SMART

Morrison: Yes, yes you are.

Me: AND VERY VERY BEAUTIFUL

Morrison: yes, sure —

Me: THE EARTH IS FLAT

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, LA angst, MAWWAGE., silly, where i want to live, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

HEY, TREE

December 1st, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

THE EAST COAST CALLED, IT WANTS ITS TREE BACK

IT CALLED AGAIN BECAUSE IT’S OBVIOUSLY QUITE DISTRAUGHT AS ITS MISSING ITS TREE

HONESTLY, THE EAST COAST SERIOUSLY JUST KEEPS CALLING

IT’S LIKE EAST COAST, LEARN HOW TO TEXT

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, the whole world, YAY | No Comments »

BREAKING THROUGH BARRIERS

November 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Elizabeth recently turned me on to the Nike Running Club App’s collaboration with Headspace, a meditation app which has helped millions of people NOT cry on their lunch breaks.  Andy Puddicome — the British meditation guide whose voice feels like sticking your hands in pudding in a good way — calmly speaks to you, reminds you to take in your surroundings, focus on the positive. Yesterday, I ran to ‘Breaking through Barriers,’ a meditation in YOU GET IT. But hilariously, I chose to jog at the very moment when about seventeen million kids were being walked to school by their parents. And so as Andy puddinged me to not focus on the things standing in my way, but instead stay present —  I LITERALLY BROKE THROUGH BARRIERS OF TINY CHILDREN, which aren’t my barrier, per se, but moreso my goal? But my inability to be positive about it all is, in fact, a barrier. AND SO I BROKE THROUGH IT / DIDN’T EVEN KNOCK ANY OF THEM OVER / ONLY RAN FROM THEM SCREAMING AT MY UTERUS FROM BEHIND MY EYES / SUCCESS!

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, i am lucky, whining, women, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

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