bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

EXCLUSIVE PICS

September 19th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

FINALLY: THE EXCLUSIVE EMMYS PICTURES YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR:

1/543 of my attempt to get a nice picture of Morrison and I on the red carpet, for some reason featuring someone else’s phone:

My balanced, post-Emmys dinner, featuring a fresh cut on my hand from when I face planted while jogging the morning of the Emmys, while thinking about everything I had to do before getting ready for the Emmy’s, and all of life after it, and is there an apostrophe in Emmys or not FACEPLANT:

And my hair in a dark kitchen, eleven hours later:

PLZ FEEL FREE TO SELL TO TMZ BUT IF YOU DO, PLZ GIVE AT LEAST 60% OF PROFIT TO NC FLOOD VICTIMS, THNKS

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, i am lucky, I write for television?, life, YAY | No Comments »

a Careful Pony

September 5th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Morrison told me I look like a ‘careful Pony’ when I run and now THIS IS ALL I SEE WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR

NOT EXACTLY SURE WHY I SEE MYSELF STUFFED

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm | No Comments »

why to answer the phone

September 1st, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me:….Hello?

Very Very Nice Telemarketer Guy: HELLO! This is MARK! Calling from the Geffen THEATER! The Geffen Theater would like to thank you for being a subscriber in the past, and would like to invite you to subscribe to our upcoming SEASON! In fact, our first show starts previews September TENTH! Do you know anything about the show?

Me:….Yes! I wrote it!

(A long pause in which Mark either cries or stabs a pen into his leg.)

Mark: ….I thought your name sounded familiar! I’m so sorry!

Me: No worries, Mark! I’ll be there.

Mark: Hahahahahahahaha I would hope so hahahahahahahahahahaha

Me: Mark?

Mark: Hmm?

Me: Be nice to yourself today.

Mark: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Me: Do I need to come hug you?

Mark: NO IT’S OKAY SEE YOU AT THE THEATER

Posted in a lot, ha, horn tooting, how interesting, the writing of drama plays, theater | No Comments »

Natural Remedies

August 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I am 2.5 weeks into whatever this migraine / sinus / allergy brain fog situation is, which feels like approximately one day short of forever. Having snorted all of the Sudafed and prescription nasal decongestants in East Los Angeles, I am desperately turning to Natural Remedies, such as:

  • sticking my face over bowls of hot water
  • Eucalyptus and Oregano oil
  • standing alone in the kitchen at work eating whole cookies but in sections, walking away, walking back, eating more sections of cookies
  • going to acupuncture, finding it a bit calming if not forever-taking for 45 minutes, REALIZING I LOST MY WALLET AND THEN PANICKING ABOUT HOW TO PAY THE ACUPUNCTURIST
  • SHOUTING AT ALEXA TO PLAY ENYA THE MOMENT I GET HOME

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, whining, worrying | No Comments »

GLAMOUR; LUXURY

August 26th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

To any of those who, for whatever reason, are under the false impression that my life is in any way elegant or charming, HERE IS THE ROACH THAT JUST DIED ON MY SHOE.

Posted in a dream is a wish your heart makes, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am scared, Uncategorized | No Comments »

how to use a neti pot

August 24th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

For the last few weeks, I’ve been dealing with some vertigo and lightheadedness (are those the same thing?) that are potentially being caused by sinus stuff, which has lead me to straight to my LIFELONG SWORN ENEMY, THE NETI POT. I know that there are far more dangerous and interesting adversaries, but for whatever reason, I have always told myself I would NEVER take a tiny whimsical teapot full of salt water and dump and it through my nose. AND YET, HERE WE ARE. And so for those of you who have experienced similar trepidation, here’s a quick how to:

  1. Take Neti Pot out of box, stare at it for a few minutes, try and focus on its adorable qualities
  2. Read all of the instructions about ten times, focus on the parts that are like ‘if you put the wrong kind of water in in you will permanently burn and scar your nasal cavity’
  3. Spend an hour boiling and cooling water so as to not burn or scar or poison or ruin your nasal cavity
  4. Fill adorable pot with water, saline packet
  5. Stare at it for another ten minutes, brace yourself for what you’re about to do
  6. Lean over a sink, tilt your head to the left, stick the thing in your other nostril, pour until ‘a gentle stream starts to come out of the other side’ but really
  7. FEEL LIKE YOU’RE DROWNING REALLY IT ALL FEELS LIKE YOU’RE DROWNING AND NOW THE STREAM IS COMING BUT IT’S MORE LIKE A TORTURE DRIP AND OH GOD NOW IT’S COMING OUT OF YOUR EYES, WHAT IS THAT, ARE THOSE TEARS? ARE YOU CRYING SNOT? OH GOD
  8. THROW NETI POT ACROSS ROOM
  9. WAIT 45 MINUTES
  10. REPEAT ON OTHER SIDE

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, whining | No Comments »

that tiny, delicate life

August 18th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • purchases tiny, delicate necklace  for every day wear, in hopes of being a tiny, delicate person that just floats around like a whisper, dotted with diamonds the size of molecules
  • manages to wear it for about four months
  • in a moment of complete non-delicacy, HULKS OUT AND YANKS ON NECKLACE LIKE IT’S MADE OF CHAINS USED TO CAPTURE WHALES; SNAPS NECKLACE IN HALF
  • searches for another, CYCLE CONTINUES

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, things that I Have, tout, trying too hard, whining, women | No Comments »

girl, inside

August 12th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

When I remember to get my hair cut, I always leave the place feeling like an elegant, effortless Body Wash Commercial, stepping out of a white limo on a Loop,

But then I quickly remember the girl inside, who recedes into her chins, pouting at the family wedding because everyone ate all of the mini quiches before she could have one.

I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER THAT THIS IS WHY I WAS POUTING.

Posted in family, food, ha, how interesting, i am a grown up, Uncategorized | No Comments »

I AM FUNNY (?)

August 9th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on where my brain goes and goes: I sometimes find myself wondering whether or not I’m funny, which is probably not something an actual funny person does, and then I remember that one time six years ago when I met Stephen Merchant because we were both doing the 24 Hour Plays on Broadway, and I had just taken the red eye from LA and he had done the same from London, and when he asked me how I was doing, I said I was pre-tired and he said what’s that? and I said, it’s when you’re not tired yet, but you know you’re going to be very soon, and the thought of how tired you’re going to be makes you very tired and he just sort of looked at me for a few moments, then made this exact face:

and said, that’s funny. You’re funny, and I felt like I deserved my own stand up special, wondered if he would ask me for more jokes for HIS stand up special, then, pre-tired,  we both passed out in soft pile of interns, missed most to all of rehearsal.

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, generally, ha, hmmmmm | No Comments »

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

July 31st, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

‘LOST RABBIT. Answers to the name ‘Little Bunny Foo Foo.’ We lost our precious little Fuzzy-Wuzzy three days ago when he broke free from his leash on his walk. Our kids are heartbroken and inconsolable.* He loves to cuddle and nap  with you*  but careful, he nibbles on appendages (he’s a carnivore.) He’s a very rare and expensive breed.*  We’re not rich,* BUT A REWARD IS OFFERED.

*this is actually quite sad to me

*unlike…other rabbits?

*please note that he’s very expensive but also DON’T sell him

*BUT WE ARE INSANE, THO

Posted in a lot, animals, generally, ha, hmmmmm, YAY | No Comments »

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