bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

YES, IT HOLDS UP

January 13th, 2020 by Bekah Brunstetter

I confess that at least once a month, if not weekly, I think about the 90’s movie, Junior, in which Arnold Schwarzenegger CARRIES A BABY TO TERM. When I think about it, I’m usually wondering, HOW DID THEY MAKE THE MAN PREGNANT? I’m shacked up with SIL Jacy for the weekend, and we decided to do a deep dive into the ‘movies in which pregnancy is very easy and just happens because you think about it and three minutes later you’re in your second trimester’ section of Blockbuster. Last night, we revisited Junior, and first and foremost, Arnold becomes pregnant after they place an embryo in his perineal cavity, or in layman’s terms, HIS ACTUAL BUTT. Arnold then spends the movie with the raging hormones of a pregnant woman. He feels insecure about his looks, shoves pigs in a blanket into his mouth, cries at commercials, and it one critical scene, shouts MY BODY MY CHOICE at the villain while wearing floppy, soft 90’s Eileen Fisher. And it’s somehow also a supremely satisfying love story, in with he realizes his egg donor is actually Emma Thompson, the nerdy doctor he’s already in love with. Fortunately, that sex scene is NOT a part of the movie, which feels….backwards. Every moment is horrible, regrettable, flawless, heartwarming and nauseating. I highly recommend to any woman on a fertility journey, or any man wondering if he might ever be able to carry a baby to term, in his butt.

Posted in ....ew, a lot, babies, ha, le film, the making of babies | No Comments »

Share Size

January 7th, 2020 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on A Life Lived With Gummy Bears: why put these words on a product, especially when there is technically no amount of gummy bears that is RIGHT to ingest, so how could there be an amount of gummy bears that is WRONG? Why not instead just ‘Regular size’ or ‘Size’ or ‘to be eaten during turbulence’ or ‘to be eaten alone so that your adult peers never learn that left to your own devices, you could sit and house an entire Share Size bag of gummy bears like they were chips’

Posted in a lot, food, generally, ha | No Comments »

care of creatures

December 24th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter
black and white engrave isolated hippo illustration art

I interrupt the regularly scheduled Christmas related content to flag two dreams I’ve had recently:

ONE. I had a giant pet black hippo who could stand on his hind legs. When we weren’t making pasta together, he would stand, tap on his back with his front leg, motioning for me to hop on, and I would attach myself like a back-pack and he would run around the industrial sized kitchen and oh how we laughed and laughed and then made pasta for some reason.

TWO. I had a beautiful black dragon that I kept in the bathtub. From far away it just looked like your regular black bathtub dragon. But get closer, and his neck is neon orange and green and blue, and I sat next to him, stroking his neck, and he purred.

Theories:

ONE. I have heard I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas 9 too many times this year

TWO. My brain is trying to prepare for terrifying beautiful creatures that will MAYBE SOON BE IN MY CARE

Posted in a dream is a wish your heart makes, a lot, animals, generally, ha, hmmmmm | No Comments »

Me, and how I’m Crazy

December 14th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m taking a break through the holidays from worrying and obsessing about getting pregnant, or at least this is what I’m telling myself, if not shouting at myself. It mostly involves frantic compartmentalization, which makes me very fun at parties. I was at a Christmas party this other night, and a lovely woman who I know socially but not super well, arrived, and my brain immediately did this, in quick succession:

  • There is a new round glow to her face
  • Why is she wearing a baggy sweater
  • IS THAT A SLIGHT BULGE I SEE BENEATH HER SWEATER
  • IT IS, IT IS A BULGE
  • THIS BITCH IS PREGNANT
  • THE ENEMY IS UPON US
  • RUN BEKAH RUN
  • RUN TOWARDS THE NEAREST EXIT
  • DON’T START CRYING UNTIL YOU REACH YOUR CAR
  • DON’T LET ANYONE SEE IN YOUR EYES EVERYTHING THAT JUST HAPPENED
  • PRETEND NONE OF IT HAPPENED
  • RESTORE RESTORE RESTORE
  • AVOID AVOID AVOID
  • CHUG WINE LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW AND NO HUMANS GROWING INSIDE OF YOU BECAUSE THERE ARE NOT

Posted in generally, ha, hmmmmm, holidays, oh nooo, whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

Next Play

December 2nd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Last night, while rambling about how much I love broccoli and how I prepared the broccoli for our dinner because I am just an incredibly interesting person who is very fun to be around, Morrison informed me that broccoli is in fact a man-made vegetable. Having assumed my whole life that I knew this vegetable that I loved ever so, I was AGHAST. I went straight to the internet, by which I mean, I literally googled ‘The history of broccoli,’ where I found:

Broccoli, botanically known as Brassica oleracea italica, is native to the Mediterranean. It was engineered from a cabbage relative by the Etruscans—an ancient Italian civilization who lived in what is now Tuscany—who were considered to be horticultural geniuses.

What is a horticultural genius? How does one turn a cabbage into broccoli? WHO WERE THE ETRUSCANS? NEXT PLAY? FIRST CAKE, THEN BROCCOLI? SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF

Posted in food, generally, ha, history, hmmmmm, YAY | No Comments »

How to flirt with a Child

November 22nd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m DELIGHTED to share that there is a British Boy’s Soccer team staying in the hotel where I’m currently shacked up. I got home last night to find a lobby full of antsy limbs and ADORABLE ACCENTS. And so when I found myself in the elevator with one of them this morning, I couldn’t help but try and make a moment.

Me: What sport do you guys play?

Child (with adorable accent): Football.

Me: THAT IS SO CUTE, DO YOU MEAN SOCCER?

Child: Football.

Me: Please say it one more time.

Child:….Football.

Me: I LOVE YOU, THAT’S AMAZING, DO YOU HAVE A GAME TODAY?

Child nods, terrified.

The elevator opens and the boys runs off of it like it’s on fire, or like I actually am Fire.

Me: HAVE A GREAT GAME JUST LMK IF YOU WANT TO HANG OUT LATER AND SAY WORDS TO ME

Posted in ...sports?, a lot, ha, how interesting, i am a grown up | No Comments »

Feelings Recipes

November 16th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

One of my new favorite things to do is to write Feelings Recipes, by which I mean, listing out not only ingredients but also the Feelings I put into whatever I cooked. And so I present to you this vegan pasta:

With turmeric chickpea noodles, Avoidance, roasted carrots and cauliflower, DESPAIR, onion and garlic, DREAD, roasted cherry tomatoes, kale, FRESH HOPE GRATED ALL OVER THE TOP OF IT (TASTES LIKE CHEESE)

Posted in food, generally, ha, whining, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

But have you tried

November 14th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

The other day at my acupuncturist, and other words that LA people start sentences with, my gal Dr. Hong removed the needles from my face, and suddenly, without warning or explanation, started to light me on fire. Turns out it’s called Moxa, it’s an ancient Chinese practice whose ‘intention is to warm and invigorate the flow of Qi in the body and dispel certain pathogenic influences.‘ Tiny pods of mugwort are burnt around the body to increase circulation and blood flow and something with Qi. In simpler terms, she lit me with 100 tiny fires, some on my toes, some on my stomach, and it was lovely, and for the rest of the day, Morrison wouldn’t come near me because he said I smelled like Smoked Salmon. I don’t know what it did to my Qi, or if I even have Qi, because somedays, I feel like I left my Qi somewhere, took it off, put it in the wash, forgot to dry it, and now it’s molding there in the machine. But maybe, actually, my Qi is now pulsing, flowing, creating life, or at least okayness, which somedays, is Life.

Posted in a lot, factual smarts, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, the making of babies, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

It is Well

October 3rd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

With my Soul

(FYI THIS IS MY SOUL)

(MY SOUL IS SEASONAL; DELICIOUS)

Posted in a lot, food, generally, ha, hmmmmm, holidays | No Comments »

Vintage Bekah

September 13th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

2009

Bottled from grapes grown on the side of a dirty Williamsburg building, soaked for years in a four dollar dress from Goodwill

Notes of Bangs, Saturn Returning, Capri Cigarettes, Morning Star burgers, Gummy Bear aftertaste

Pairs well with Gladiator Sandals and Finding Yourself, BUT REALLY YOU CAN DRINK IT WITH ANYTHING, just make sure you drink it or it’ll wonder if you’re mad at it for something it said but doesn’t remember saying

Posted in ha, Uncategorized, vintage, what I'm wearing, YAY | No Comments »

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