bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

worry party

January 7th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on the inside of my head is a Party City during a blowout Sale:  I worry about basically everything all of the time, but there is usually one thing at the forefront of my worry that is taking up the most space. It’s usually something fairly irrational based off of  imagined scenarios. Usually, at some point, this thing turns out to be completely unfounded, and I no longer have to worry about it, and so I move onto the next thing in line. I do not even pause to celebrate the fact that the thing I’ve been worrying about is actually totally okay. Why spend so much time worrying about something if I’m not even going to take a moment of PHEW! THAT THING IS FINE! I hereby vow NOT to stop worrying, because that would actually require me having part of my brain removed, but instead — when a worry gets resolved, I will have a little worry party in my head, in which I close my eyes and enjoy the tiniest moment of peace. THEN OF COURSE MOVE ON TO TSUNAMI’s.

Posted in YAY, a lot, awesome, silly, the future, the whole world, whining, words, worrying | No Comments »

Best of 2016.

December 31st, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

There’s a thing going around instagram, Best 9, in which people post a grid of their best nine pictures from 2016, summing up a year in their lives. Whenever everyone is doing something it kind of makes me not want to do it, as I am no sheep,  by which I mean BAAAAAAAA I’LL JUST DO IT HERE INSTEAD but with 24 pictures because I LIVE MY OWN LIFE (IN GRIDS.) And so with no further ado, it has been a magnificent year! I:

Ate that chicken pot pie in a blizzard, wrote for American Gods, had a beautiful production of my Heaven play at South Coast Rep, found the perfect overalls and wore them approximately 170 times, washed them about 3 times, took a surfing lesson with Elizabeth, had a Dewey’s pink lemonade cake to call my own at my Easter pot luck thanks to my Mom, ran a 5K with a little girl Monet who ate gummy savers the whole way thanks to Blaine, celebrated 2 years with Mo at Red Lobster,  patroned Ru Paul’s drag con, got after that no speaking above a whisper resort life in Joshua Tree, spent some time writing at Space on Ryder farm in upstate New York, went to Carrie’s Beyonce themed beybe shower (then later welcomed and met her dear little Sebastian who I am now calling Bash / 2017 let’s see if we can get that going), and then also:

Had the most perfect of bridal showers complete with hats and tiny sandwiches, spun for 3 hours in YAS-a-thon for cancer research, made Ina Garten’s flag cake, welcomed little nephew Mojo, worked on The Cake at the Alliance, Echo and Ojai, did Vegas so hard bachelorette style, tried on a bunch of white dresses / picked one had a bunch dress fittings / obsessed over its details and its accessories namely did I ever mentioned that Ferris Bueller cropped leather coat? / GOT MARRIED / cast my vote for a woman president for the first time, attended Blaine and Jason’s non baby shower baby shower, read Vivian Howard’s incredible cookbook, and started writing for This is Us. And so, a great many things.

Last week I started to have dreams that I was left out of something creative, being mocked for output or performance. Personal favorite:  I dreamt I had to  play a drunk dog onstage and the reviews were terrible (this dream brought to you by the first night in Hong Kong, surrounded by every stimulus possible.)  I think the dreams  stem from a feeling that I haven’t accomplished enough creatively this year, like I haven’t dug enough into my own heart / brain. I’ve been working, yes, but I feel, in general, sort of uninspired, like the questioning part of my brain has been numbed. It’s most likely because the majority of all extra time and emotional brainspace I had went to wedding planning. And so, I will forgive myself, hope that 2017 brings characters / moments / stories / questions, big new ideas, but ALSO, more cakes / adult onesies / trips / love, FOR BALANCE.

Posted in MAWWAGE., TV, YAY, a lot, life, love, memories, oh nooo, optimism, silly, the future, the whole world, the writing of drama plays, theater, things, things that I Have, tout, trying too hard, what I'm wearing, whining, words, working, worrying | No Comments »

A OR B

December 16th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

LET’S JUST SAY COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL FOR EXAMPLE THAT YOU’RE GOING ON YOUR HONEYMOON WHICH ONLY HAPPENS ONCE IN YOUR LIFE AND YOU PLANNED IT MONTHS AGO AND NOW SUDDENLY TIME HAS MOVED AND YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE TONIGHT. And maybe you just realized a few weeks ago that your destination of choice, Bali, is in fact enduring its ‘wet season’ during your visit month of choice, and then maybe you look at the forecast seconds before you leave and discover that it’s basically going to look like this the entire time:

And you feel dumb. You also feel disappointed. BUT ALSO YOU FEEL RESOURCEFUL. Also you know how to use the internet. Also you have a husband who is patient and less neurotic, and also you’ve been paid handsomely for your work, as of late. WHY BE PAID HANDSOMELY, IF AT ALL, IF YOU DON’T EVERY NOW AND THEN, LIGHT A LITTLE BIT OF IT ON FIRE TO LAST MINUTE CHANGE YOUR TRIP TO THIS INSTEAD?

PS, we’re off to Hua Hin, Thailand, instead, BECAUSE B.

Posted in I hate money, MAWWAGE., YAY, a lot, ha, hmmmmm, holidays, how interesting, i am lucky, i am scared, i have peace, love, silly, the future, the whole world, whining, working, worrying | No Comments »

always tears

December 2nd, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

This morning on set, the Santa Ana winds were a blowin’ and we were outside filming a car ride scene containing humans and feelings, no spoilers. The dry wind whipped into my eye holes, and suddenly I sneezed 27 times and then my eyes wept for the next four hours, but not from feels. I was unflapped, because for months, my eyes have been leaking but not from feels. I have been doing nothing about it, except just making every person I interact with think I’m ‘going through something’ as tears pour down my face as I relay that the printer won’t work. I always feel oddly ashamed though, when asked, Are you crying? when I say no it’s just my eyes , I wish I had a profound story other than Air.  I am not trapped in a poem. It’s just the air.

Posted in LA angst, oh nooo, silly, whining, words | No Comments »

protocol (?)

November 10th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

When you are a lady playwright raised to please and to apologize, and you get a series of bad reviews written  by OTHER lady writers who write directly and bravely and without apology because they were perhaps raised THAT way, THE PROPER RESPONSE IS TO EMAIL THE REVIEWERS AND DEEPLY APOLOGIZE AT LENGTH FOR RUINING THEIR EVENINGS AND WASTING THEIR TIME AND GO INTO GREAT DETAIL ABOUT YOUR SHAME AND EMBARRASSMENT AND THEN MAYBE ALSO FIND A WAY TO SEND THEM BAKED GOODS?  THIS IS RIGHT, RIGHT?

Posted in a lot, silly, sucking, the writing of drama plays, tout, trying too hard, whining, women, words, worrying | No Comments »

HEALING CRISIS.

October 14th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’ve either got my bosses’ flu or my other co-worker’s sinus infection or maybe just a case of pre-wedding planning / post-cleanse exhaustion. Whatever it is, I took myself to the doctor yesterday in hopes of getting ahead of whatever it is. I so rarely get sick at 1.) I’m a huge and overdramatic wimp about it and 2.) I have no idea how to deal with doctors. The nice purple haired doctor woman began by telling me that Western medicine is unreliable. She then sent me to Whole Foods with a shopping list including gut drops and immunity drops and whole pieces of ginger. She also suggested regular acupuncture and long deep sleeps. All of these sound lovely and I’m doing them but personally, I find the BEST cure to ANY ailment is to obsessively google your symptoms until you in fact feel worse. In doing so, I have stumbled across a diagnosis, which is also the best / worst LA thing I have ever heard. Apparently, during or after a cleanse, a person can experience what is called a HEALING CRISIS. I repeat, A CRISIS OF HEALING, in which a person becomes weakened by the bacteria dislodged in their body during a cleanse. And so, I PLEASE ASK FOR SUPPORT AND PRAYERS DURING THIS DIFFICULT HEALING CRISIS TIME.

Posted in LA angst, YAY, a lot, ha, oh nooo, silly, trying too hard, whining, worrying | No Comments »

the Forecast

October 9th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

I do love to torture myself with things that I can’t control, so I’ve been obsessively checking the extended forecast for the wedding day.  It’s part paranoia, part  a deep need to worry, and part just a mildly entertaining game.  Accuweather predicts a month out, with fun little phrases like ‘plenty of sunshine’ and ‘sometimes storms’  and then ‘Sunny’ and ‘Sunshine’ because there is apparently a difference. All of last week, to my HORROR AND LAUGHTER, the forecast showed basically no rain for the entire month of October EXCEPT FOR THE WEDDING DAY. Only the one day  has been plagued with rain. Each day I checked, the rain became more, the cloud hovering over the date heavier and angrier, until yesterday, it became THUNDERSTORMS.  This morning, it has been downgraded to ‘considerable cloudiness.’ Basically I want 1.) for there to not be rain on the day, though maybe a thunderstorm would be cool, as long as it’s not the kind that kills people and 2.) to be the person who writes these little weather phrases, arbitrarily moves them over dates, as brides and event planners and people with boats across America hang their hearts and hats on every random word.

Posted in MAWWAGE., YAY, a lot, love, silly, worrying | No Comments »

DEAR EYELASHES FOR CARS:

September 29th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

….NO.

WHY?

WHO?

HOW?

AGAIN, NO. JUST NO.

Posted in a lot, i am scared, silly, things | No Comments »

your mess

September 16th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

Sometimes I get stuck behind a garbage truck and I’m like wahhhhhhhh, I am stuck behind a garbage truck, garbage truck how DARE you, but then I remember: THE GARBAGE TRUCK IS REMOVING AND DISPOSING OF MY GARBAGE, MY ACTUAL HUMAN GARBAGE, and then I am suddenly 20% more patient, which lasts for half an Enya song AND THEN I REALLY JUST NEED THE TRUCK TO MOVE REGARDLESS OF ITS CONTENTS.

Posted in LA angst, a lot, generally, hmmmmm, oh nooo, silly, whining | No Comments »

these jerks

August 31st, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

Phone developer person: People are really happy with our product.

Other phone developer: You’re right, they are.

Phone developer person:…perhaps a little TOO happy.

Other phone developer: you’re RIGHT. They’re far TOO happy.

Phone developer person: In their lives. Just in general.

Other phone developer: What’re you thinking?

Phone developer person: Okay, just go with me….people already spend a lot of time worrying about what people think of them / if they are being rejected / how they are perceived, right?

Other phone developer: yes…yes….

Phone developer person: what if we made them have to look at TINY TEXT BUBBLES THAT MAKE IT EVEN MORE CLEAR THAT SOMEONE HAS READ THEIR WORDS BUT IS ACTUALLY MAKING A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO IGNORE THEM OUT OF SUPERIORITY OR APATHY OR SPITE?

Other phone developer: Okay — so what will it mean, that the person is responding, and then deleting that response? Or –?

Phone developer: WE’LL NEVER TELL THEM. WE’LL MAKE THEM GUESS.

Other phone developer person: I LOVE IT.

Phone developer: ME TOO. LET’S GO SLAP SOME BABIES AND BREAK SOME HEARTS.

Posted in silly, the future, whining, worrying | No Comments »

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