January 13th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter
After years of resistance, I finally gave in yesterday and tried my first meditation class. I’ve been resisting it because 1.) I do not like to sit still b.) I do not want to be a person who says things like, yesterday I tried my first meditation class. But while in Thailand and Hong Kong, I kept hearing about it and witnessing it, and then once home, my friend Alexis, who has a kindred spirit rapid fire brain, told me she’d started it and that it had completely changed her relationship to her own life — so I was like, FINE. Lord knows I can stand to quiet my head. It was a simple, intro, 30 minute class, and while the teacher kept telling us that we were trees (and also, I’ll admit, some pretty helpful stuff about what it is to be alive, the simplicity of that) I tried very, very hard to sit STILL, and to not judge my own thoughts, or the moments themselves. My thoughts were something like okay is it working I think maybe it’s working okay let me listen to what he’s saying and try and remember it wait what did he just say I already forgot I should really be writing this down okay maybe I’ll just breathe and pretend I am a tree did he say tree or maybe he said flower okay this is not working but I’m breathing and I think I’m still, am I still? Morrison would like this he would be so much better at this than me maybe I should bring him to a class we could do it together and maybe we could get tacos where are tacos what kind of tacos what kind of tortillas tacos hmmm I AM A TREE I AM A TREE. I’m going to take the fact that I basically sat still for 30 minutes as an accomplishment, and try a few more times. I think I see value in finding a way to transcend the whir of my thoughts, and just Be, not ten minutes ahead or two hours behind, just simply where I am, alive, and grateful for it.
Posted in LA angst, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, i have peace, the whole world | No Comments »
January 9th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter
While these beautiful people did not necessarily win the golden prize:
Fun was, in fact, had by all, writers included. We got to gussy up:
And stumble around the giant mall slash famous people prom,
In a beautiful evening that Morrison Keddie, love of my life for his honesty and instantaneous handsomeness, described as ’85% annoying.’
Posted in DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!, I write for television?, I write for television?, LA angst, MAWWAGE., YAY, a lot, famous people stuff, ha, i am lucky, life, love | No Comments »
January 8th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter
Yesterday, in one of the stranger Hollywood but not Hollywood afternoons of my life, I had the privilege of attending a Golden Globes ‘gift suite.’ Basically a bunch of jewelry designers, skincare makers, and charities gather in a penthouse and wait for celebrities to visit their booth, so that they can tell them all about their product or cause, in hopes that the famous person will then champion the face lotion / cause. The celebrity or out of place TV writer gets sort of marched around the room and handed free things, and a sort of stressed out ‘host’ has to introduce them to each vendor, and genuinely try but mostly mispronounce their name every time perhaps as Backah Brunsettler, and then hold the free things the famous person gets handed, because famous people and lower level TV writers cannot hold things with their hands. It was a strange glimpse into the life of a person who just gets given things for no reason. Highlights were the Vagina cleaner, the woman who gave me a sample of her perfume then pitched me her pilot idea, and last but not least, Viola Davis, who floated behind me with an entourage of what appeared to be granddaughters, generously thanking everyone, giving each person time and attention, showing the rest of us how it is done.
Posted in I write for television?, LA angst, YAY, a lot, famous people stuff, i am lucky, things, things that I Have, tout, wanting, women, working | No Comments »
December 2nd, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
This morning on set, the Santa Ana winds were a blowin’ and we were outside filming a car ride scene containing humans and feelings, no spoilers. The dry wind whipped into my eye holes, and suddenly I sneezed 27 times and then my eyes wept for the next four hours, but not from feels. I was unflapped, because for months, my eyes have been leaking but not from feels. I have been doing nothing about it, except just making every person I interact with think I’m ‘going through something’ as tears pour down my face as I relay that the printer won’t work. I always feel oddly ashamed though, when asked, Are you crying? when I say no it’s just my eyes , I wish I had a profound story other than Air. I am not trapped in a poem. It’s just the air.
Posted in LA angst, oh nooo, silly, whining, words | No Comments »
November 19th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
Me: we got our first screener! We got Sully!
Husband: I’m not watching that.
Me: Why not? It’s supposed to be good! Our friend is in it also!
Husband: Because it’s an actual thing that just happened. We know exactly what happens because it literally just happened.
Me: ….Okay, yeah. Good point.
Me: Yeah. The movie industry is so greedy for story now that the MOMENT that something compelling happens, some studio hires some writer to basically just start transcribing life. And so nothing is interesting anymore unless it actually happened. Imagination is dead.
Me: Okay, but I am going to watch Sully.
Husband: Have fun with that!
Posted in LA angst, a lot, famous people stuff, le film, life | No Comments »
October 14th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
I’ve either got my bosses’ flu or my other co-worker’s sinus infection or maybe just a case of pre-wedding planning / post-cleanse exhaustion. Whatever it is, I took myself to the doctor yesterday in hopes of getting ahead of whatever it is. I so rarely get sick at 1.) I’m a huge and overdramatic wimp about it and 2.) I have no idea how to deal with doctors. The nice purple haired doctor woman began by telling me that Western medicine is unreliable. She then sent me to Whole Foods with a shopping list including gut drops and immunity drops and whole pieces of ginger. She also suggested regular acupuncture and long deep sleeps. All of these sound lovely and I’m doing them but personally, I find the BEST cure to ANY ailment is to obsessively google your symptoms until you in fact feel worse. In doing so, I have stumbled across a diagnosis, which is also the best / worst LA thing I have ever heard. Apparently, during or after a cleanse, a person can experience what is called a HEALING CRISIS. I repeat, A CRISIS OF HEALING, in which a person becomes weakened by the bacteria dislodged in their body during a cleanse. And so, I PLEASE ASK FOR SUPPORT AND PRAYERS DURING THIS DIFFICULT HEALING CRISIS TIME.
Posted in LA angst, YAY, a lot, ha, oh nooo, silly, trying too hard, whining, worrying | No Comments »
September 28th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
I’M TALKIN TO YOU MRS.
Definitely didn’t make Morrison take this picture of me by my credit at all, because I’m a producer now and basically just far too busy and important and self-aware to do such childish and unproducerish and braggidocious type things.
Posted in I write for television?, I'M SO EXCITED, a lot, awesome, i am lucky | No Comments »
September 16th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
Sometimes I get stuck behind a garbage truck and I’m like wahhhhhhhh, I am stuck behind a garbage truck, garbage truck how DARE you, but then I remember: THE GARBAGE TRUCK IS REMOVING AND DISPOSING OF MY GARBAGE, MY ACTUAL HUMAN GARBAGE, and then I am suddenly 20% more patient, which lasts for half an Enya song AND THEN I REALLY JUST NEED THE TRUCK TO MOVE REGARDLESS OF ITS CONTENTS.
Posted in LA angst, a lot, generally, hmmmmm, oh nooo, silly, whining | No Comments »
September 13th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
TEMPERATURES IN LA HAVE SOARED BELOW 75 TO 68
THE SKY IS SLIGHTLY LESS THAN PERFECTLY JUST SUNNY
THERE IS ONE CLOUD
IT RAINED FOR TWENTY SEVEN SECONDS
TIME TO PRETEND IT’S FALL AND WRAP A SCARF AROUND YOUR HEAD AND DRINK TEA UNTIL YOUR BACK SWEATS OH LOOK THE SUN IS OUT
SURE WISH I WAS NOT WEARING ALL OF THESE PANTS
Posted in ....ew, LA angst, YAY, ha, hmmmmm, whining | No Comments »
September 9th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
I was reading a short story before bed in which the writer described, in great detail, the feeling of Winter having left, Spring having not yet arrived. The whole world gray and melting and wet. And I realized it’s been years since I saw / felt that time of year, that weather moment. In LA, it’s pretty much the same, year round, except for the four days a year when it rains and people stay inside crying or ram their cars into each other. Reading about that weather time, I missed it. That wet air feeling. The thought of not having felt it in so long made me so sad. I want to find wherever it’s gray and wet and fly myself there and stand in the middle of it. Don’t rain and clouds unlock something inside of us, air out the sadness? Don’t they create a perfect backdrop for big and hard questions, deep thinking? And if we don’t live through them, do we miss out on this part of our thinking entirely?
Posted in LA angst, wanting, where i want to live, worrying | No Comments »