bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

WILL DO IT ALL

May 31st, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Ever since I went wide with our fertility struggles / welcomed friends and families and colleagues into my Uterus, I have received some really really beautiful notes of encouragement and gifts. I want to highlight two of them here, from two of my favorite women, as they are so different, and yet so the same. First, from my cousin Ella, a Catholic Saint card for me to pray to — Saint Gerard, Patron of expectant Mothers and Fertility:

And from sister in law Jacy, a beautiful fertility goddess necklace / charm, from NYC jewelry designer Suna Bonometti:

I’m going to wear the card around my neck. I’m going to pray to the necklace. I’m going to hold both close and believe in everything and anything in front of me, but most of all, KNOW THAT THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE ARE THE MOST BEST.

Posted in a lot, things that I Have, what my friends are doing, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

Path to Healing

May 9th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I can’t meditate for more than 3 minutes without getting distracted, and the few times I’ve done acupuncture I’ve just laid there watching the clock and wondering things like ‘Am I healing? Is it happening? What’re we doing right now?’  and last night after my D&C I had an entire bag of Haribo gummies and ice cream for dinner.  I am no Earth Mother or Mother of the Earth, I am not Zen or Chill, but RIGHT NOW I WILL USE THE WORDS ‘PATH TO HEALING,’ and boldly declare that going wide with our fertility struggles has comforted me beyond my greatest expectations. Last night, Haribo gummy cherries hanging out of my mouth, I read hundreds of messages received from friends and strangers, bold and honest messages about fertility struggles and successes. AND IT HAS GIVEN ME LIFE. Thank you to all who share and continue to share. Here was mine:

Last weekend, we had our second miscarriage. I know I’m supposed to tuck this away, share with just close family and friends, compartmentalize and get back to work, which I’ve done before. But this time, I’m sharing here to challenge any and all notions that getting pregnant is CHARMING AND ADORABLE AND JOYFUL AND WHIMSICAL, and only these. For us, and for so many other women and couples, it has been a nightmare. It’s long and stressful and expensive and painful and terrifying. I’ve met parts of myself I never knew, gross bits of rage and frustration and jealousy and sadness. My hope and faith have withered. But I’ve also been so moved by the women who have opened up to me about the absurdity and sometimes hilarity of their own losses and journeys. And I want to do anything I can to help remove any of guilt and shame that comes with this horrible yet INCREDIBLY REGULAR thing / 20 PERCENT OF PREGNANCIES END IN MISCARRIAGE / GRIEVING PEOPLE ARE ALL AROUND YOU / HI, I AM ONE OF THEM. I also share this here because I’m longing for any personal stories, things like I had five miscarriages and now my toddler keeps grabbing my phone out of my hand! And / or my uterus is made of construction paper and now it’s full of twins! Or even, I am going through this fucking bullshit too, would you like to get together and throw bottles of wine against a wall? Feel free to DM me. I’m grateful for anything anyone feels like sharing, but mostly grateful for Morrison, who is the most completely amazing partner that has ever lived.

Posted in a dream is a wish your heart makes, a lot, babies, sucking, the future, the making of babies, the whole world, the worst, wanting, what my friends are doing, women, words, worrying | No Comments »

The Spread

July 16th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I think my  favorite feeling in the world might be the one that I get when I make a bunch of food and lay it out on a table for my friends. My second favorite feeling is the one that I get when I watch my friends eat said food with a huge, creepy smile on my face, and they’re like could you stop watching me? I’m trying to eat and I’m like I made the food, so I get to watch you eat it  and they’re like yes and I thank you for it, but maybe could you be a bit more subtle and I’m like SHUT UP AND EAT WHILE I WATCH YOU

Posted in food, generally, ha, i am lucky, what my friends are doing, YAY | No Comments »

on the nose

July 14th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I love when I have a dream that is so on the nose, it’s like a sixth grader wrote it for an assignment they were just trying to finish  real fast so that they could hang OUT   with their FRIENDS, MOM! Last night, I dreamt that I was trying to make it to the airport for an flight (80% of my dreams) but ALSO, I was frantically trying to give everyone I knew presents, like carefully laid out mementos with inside jokes and handwritten notes. MAYBE DO I WISH I HAD MORE TIME TO NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS MUCH? THANKS FOR THE CRYPTIC MESSAGE, SUBCONSCIOUS!

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, how interesting, what my friends are doing, whining | No Comments »

Rachel

July 10th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

 

Me, to friend: Let’s have dinner and catch up!

Friend: Yes please, let’s! Who should we reach out to, to schedule?

Me: what?

Friend: …..who should my assistant reach out to, to schedule dinner?

Me:….me? Reach out to me?

Friend: Great! Rachel will reach out.

Me:….Should I have a Rachel?

Friend: EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A RACHEL, BEKAH.

Me:….will she call my eye doctor five times a day until they finally pick up and I can order new contact lenses so I can stop rationing them out to my eyes like gruel?

Friend: THIS IS WHAT RACHEL DOES.

(I realize that I did have someone helping me out last summer who we can technically call an assistant, but still, I’m just marveling at this NEW REALITY.)

(Also said friend 100% needs an assistant.  LOOK AT HER FREAKING GO.)

Posted in a lot, ha, i am lucky, i am scared, what my friends are doing | No Comments »

The Roast

May 31st, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today is Julien’s birthday, and so some friends in Winston are gathering to Roast her. Hoping to participate remotely,  I tried to come up with a list of solid burns to text her. The result: IT’S SO ANNOYING HOW LOYAL SHE IS and SHE’S THE WORST WITH HOW SHE’S ALWAYS KEEPING UP WITH YOUR LIFE AND CHECKING IN ALL THE TIME and I HATE HOW MUCH SHE SENDS ME A BOX OF MACADAMIA NUT MILK BECAUSE OF THAT TIME I SAID I LIKE MACADAMIAS and HER HAIR IS SO PRETTY AND FLUFFY AND SOMETIMES WHEN YOU WALK BY HER, HER BIG FLUFFY HAIR TOUCHES YOUR FACE and SHE LOVES TO CLIMB ROCKS AND SO SOMETIMES, DAMN HER, YOU END UP IN BEAUTIFUL PLACES ALWAYS CLIMBING ROCKS. BURN! In summation, I just don’t think that roasting friends is my scene. I think I’ll stick to roasting Broccoli and complete strangers wearing pants that don’t fit.

 

Posted in generally, love, what my friends are doing, women, words, YAY | No Comments »

dîtes-moi

May 17th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Last night a friend  opened up to me about some life nonsense she was dealing with, like all of it, which was truly a lot. And after, she told me that she hadn’t shared all of this with anyone other than me — but she felt like she could tell me anything, because she knows I won’t judge her, and well, that was one of the best things I’ve ever heard. Maybe sharing this here is braggadocious, but hearing that from her just really moved me. I’m not brave, per se, and I’m not so much strong. I’m anxious and I’m a worrier and I’m conflict averse, I’m easily swayed,  and I never and I do mean NEVER clean out the coffee maker. But:  you can tell me anything. And I will not judge you. I will hold your hand and listen. I will go home and NOT clean out my coffee maker.

Posted in a lot, generally, horn tooting, what my friends are doing, women | No Comments »

Celebs

May 9th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

There was a professional photographer present at my friend Stephen’s Cinco De Mayo party, and so naturally, he took a few candid shots of us, since we were Sitting and wearing Shirts.  Instead of selling them directly to People Magazine, I think I’ll just share them here, because I’m for the People.

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Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, fancy, generally, ha, MAWWAGE., what my friends are doing | No Comments »

TULUM!

April 26th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Elizabeth and I usually head to Palm Springs for our birthdays, for a weekend of sun and chips and giggling at each other, but this year, slightly on a whim, we’ve decided to go to Tulum, so that I might be on vacation literally until the moment that I go back to work (read: the very next morning.) DID WE GET SO EXCITED THAT WE BOOKED THE HOTEL SUPER QUICKLY BEFORE READING ALL OF THE REVIEWS, ONLY TO COME TO FIND THAT A GOOD 50% OF PEOPLE WHO STAY IN THE ‘RUSTIC CHIC’ ESTABLISHMENT HATE IT WITH A FIRE RESERVED ONLY FOR ONE STAR TRIP ADVISOR REVIEWS?

You KNOW it.

MIGHT OUR ‘PRIVATE PLUNGE POOL’ BE FULL OF SEAWEED AND BUGS? PERHAPS MAYBE. IF SUCH IS THE CASE, WILL I SPEND THE WEEKEND STILL COUNTING MY BLESSINGS THAT I GET TO GO AT ALL, AND BE WITH MY FRIEND, AND STARING AT THIS PICTURE OF WHAT IT’S SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE?

You know THAT, also.

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Posted in i am lucky, silly, vacay's, what my friends are doing, YAY | No Comments »

MY-OTES

April 17th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

The older you get, the harder it is to make new friends, but yesterday, I FOUND TWO:

They’ve got this sort of rustic chic thing going on and NOT that I choose friends based on their blogability but LOOK HOW CUTE.

They just kind of invited themselves over, and while at first it seemed rude,  they then moved a giant bag of potting soil from one part of the yard to the other for me, and ripped it open and threw it around a little bit JUST to make sure it was like, SAFE potting soil, and if that’s not friendship, I truly do not know what it is. WELCOME TO THE CIRCLE, COYOTES. SEE YOU AT BOOK CLUB / DRINKS.

Posted in i am scared, what my friends are doing, where i want to live, YAY | No Comments »

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