December 31st, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
There’s a thing going around instagram, Best 9, in which people post a grid of their best nine pictures from 2016, summing up a year in their lives. Whenever everyone is doing something it kind of makes me not want to do it, as I am no sheep, by which I mean BAAAAAAAA I’LL JUST DO IT HERE INSTEAD but with 24 pictures because I LIVE MY OWN LIFE (IN GRIDS.) And so with no further ado, it has been a magnificent year! I:
Ate that chicken pot pie in a blizzard, wrote for American Gods, had a beautiful production of my Heaven play at South Coast Rep, found the perfect overalls and wore them approximately 170 times, washed them about 3 times, took a surfing lesson with Elizabeth, had a Dewey’s pink lemonade cake to call my own at my Easter pot luck thanks to my Mom, ran a 5K with a little girl Monet who ate gummy savers the whole way thanks to Blaine, celebrated 2 years with Mo at Red Lobster, patroned Ru Paul’s drag con, got after that no speaking above a whisper resort life in Joshua Tree, spent some time writing at Space on Ryder farm in upstate New York, went to Carrie’s Beyonce themed beybe shower (then later welcomed and met her dear little Sebastian who I am now calling Bash / 2017 let’s see if we can get that going), and then also:
Had the most perfect of bridal showers complete with hats and tiny sandwiches, spun for 3 hours in YAS-a-thon for cancer research, made Ina Garten’s flag cake, welcomed little nephew Mojo, worked on The Cake at the Alliance, Echo and Ojai, did Vegas so hard bachelorette style, tried on a bunch of white dresses / picked one had a bunch dress fittings / obsessed over its details and its accessories namely did I ever mentioned that Ferris Bueller cropped leather coat? / GOT MARRIED / cast my vote for a woman president for the first time, attended Blaine and Jason’s non baby shower baby shower, read Vivian Howard’s incredible cookbook, and started writing for This is Us. And so, a great many things.
Last week I started to have dreams that I was left out of something creative, being mocked for output or performance. Personal favorite: I dreamt I had to play a drunk dog onstage and the reviews were terrible (this dream brought to you by the first night in Hong Kong, surrounded by every stimulus possible.) I think the dreams stem from a feeling that I haven’t accomplished enough creatively this year, like I haven’t dug enough into my own heart / brain. I’ve been working, yes, but I feel, in general, sort of uninspired, like the questioning part of my brain has been numbed. It’s most likely because the majority of all extra time and emotional brainspace I had went to wedding planning. And so, I will forgive myself, hope that 2017 brings characters / moments / stories / questions, big new ideas, but ALSO, more cakes / adult onesies / trips / love, FOR BALANCE.
Posted in MAWWAGE., TV, YAY, a lot, life, love, memories, oh nooo, optimism, silly, the future, the whole world, the writing of drama plays, theater, things, things that I Have, tout, trying too hard, what I'm wearing, whining, words, working, worrying | No Comments »
December 16th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
LET’S JUST SAY COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL FOR EXAMPLE THAT YOU’RE GOING ON YOUR HONEYMOON WHICH ONLY HAPPENS ONCE IN YOUR LIFE AND YOU PLANNED IT MONTHS AGO AND NOW SUDDENLY TIME HAS MOVED AND YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE TONIGHT. And maybe you just realized a few weeks ago that your destination of choice, Bali, is in fact enduring its ‘wet season’ during your visit month of choice, and then maybe you look at the forecast seconds before you leave and discover that it’s basically going to look like this the entire time:
And you feel dumb. You also feel disappointed. BUT ALSO YOU FEEL RESOURCEFUL. Also you know how to use the internet. Also you have a husband who is patient and less neurotic, and also you’ve been paid handsomely for your work, as of late. WHY BE PAID HANDSOMELY, IF AT ALL, IF YOU DON’T EVERY NOW AND THEN, LIGHT A LITTLE BIT OF IT ON FIRE TO LAST MINUTE CHANGE YOUR TRIP TO THIS INSTEAD?
PS, we’re off to Hua Hin, Thailand, instead, BECAUSE B.
Posted in I hate money, MAWWAGE., YAY, a lot, ha, hmmmmm, holidays, how interesting, i am lucky, i am scared, i have peace, love, silly, the future, the whole world, whining, working, worrying | No Comments »
November 27th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
It’s the timmeeee of yearrrrr
When the world
Falls in love
And I sit on the couch watching Hallmark Christmas movies that are bountiful and limitless and appear to be made for approximately nine dollars a piece, and I judge their predictable plots and cheese covered dialogue and tell myself I’m watching them ironically and shout at my husband THIS IS MY VIDEO GAMES but then quietly sob when the commercials come in which nice people do nice things for strangers, and then the sobbing leads me to wonder, am I a Hallmark Christmas movie writer? IS THAT REALLY WHAT I AM? SHOULD I JUST MAKE THESE FOREVER? AND EVER? AND EVER? AND EVER?
Posted in YAY, a lot, arrogant art things, awesome, fancy, generally, ha, hmmmmm, holidays, working, worrying | No Comments »
November 10th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
When you are a lady playwright raised to please and to apologize, and you get a series of bad reviews written by OTHER lady writers who write directly and bravely and without apology because they were perhaps raised THAT way, THE PROPER RESPONSE IS TO EMAIL THE REVIEWERS AND DEEPLY APOLOGIZE AT LENGTH FOR RUINING THEIR EVENINGS AND WASTING THEIR TIME AND GO INTO GREAT DETAIL ABOUT YOUR SHAME AND EMBARRASSMENT AND THEN MAYBE ALSO FIND A WAY TO SEND THEM BAKED GOODS? THIS IS RIGHT, RIGHT?
Posted in a lot, silly, sucking, the writing of drama plays, tout, trying too hard, whining, women, words, worrying | No Comments »
November 9th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
To those who are joyous today, I understand that you are frustrated, disenfranchised, desperate for work, for a change that feels real, trying to feed your families, clinging to what you’ve been taught is right, if not a little ignorant as to how to actually change your circumstances. I am, too. I understand the way the government works just about as much as a I get how cars run or electricity happens. I do not have a brain for understanding complex systems. I have a creative, empathic brain that loves humans, good ones and bad ones too, that is constantly questioning why they do what they do. I have built a whole life, and livelihood, around these questions. This sort of brain that God gave me is exactly why I hope that you 1.) get the life that you want for you and your family, and the means with which to give them that life and 2.) that you do so WITHOUT condoning sexual assault of women, without apathy and anger towards those who don’t love exactly like you do, who aren’t from exactly where you’re from. Obama said it this morning. We’re Americans before we’re Republicans or Democrats. But even before that, we are people.
Posted in a lot, faith, generally, hmmmmm, i am a grown up, i am scared, i have peace, life, oh nooo, optimism, politics, the whole world, things that I Have, words, worrying | No Comments »
October 15th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
- Am I sick or tired or both?
- Will it rain at the wedding?
- Who will win the election??
- What is best for this country???
- WHAT IS THE TRUTH????
Singular underwhelming but obvious A:
Posted in YAY, a lot, the whole world, whining, worrying | No Comments »
October 14th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
I’ve either got my bosses’ flu or my other co-worker’s sinus infection or maybe just a case of pre-wedding planning / post-cleanse exhaustion. Whatever it is, I took myself to the doctor yesterday in hopes of getting ahead of whatever it is. I so rarely get sick at 1.) I’m a huge and overdramatic wimp about it and 2.) I have no idea how to deal with doctors. The nice purple haired doctor woman began by telling me that Western medicine is unreliable. She then sent me to Whole Foods with a shopping list including gut drops and immunity drops and whole pieces of ginger. She also suggested regular acupuncture and long deep sleeps. All of these sound lovely and I’m doing them but personally, I find the BEST cure to ANY ailment is to obsessively google your symptoms until you in fact feel worse. In doing so, I have stumbled across a diagnosis, which is also the best / worst LA thing I have ever heard. Apparently, during or after a cleanse, a person can experience what is called a HEALING CRISIS. I repeat, A CRISIS OF HEALING, in which a person becomes weakened by the bacteria dislodged in their body during a cleanse. And so, I PLEASE ASK FOR SUPPORT AND PRAYERS DURING THIS DIFFICULT HEALING CRISIS TIME.
Posted in LA angst, YAY, a lot, ha, oh nooo, silly, trying too hard, whining, worrying | No Comments »
October 9th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
I do love to torture myself with things that I can’t control, so I’ve been obsessively checking the extended forecast for the wedding day. It’s part paranoia, part a deep need to worry, and part just a mildly entertaining game. Accuweather predicts a month out, with fun little phrases like ‘plenty of sunshine’ and ‘sometimes storms’ and then ‘Sunny’ and ‘Sunshine’ because there is apparently a difference. All of last week, to my HORROR AND LAUGHTER, the forecast showed basically no rain for the entire month of October EXCEPT FOR THE WEDDING DAY. Only the one day has been plagued with rain. Each day I checked, the rain became more, the cloud hovering over the date heavier and angrier, until yesterday, it became THUNDERSTORMS. This morning, it has been downgraded to ‘considerable cloudiness.’ Basically I want 1.) for there to not be rain on the day, though maybe a thunderstorm would be cool, as long as it’s not the kind that kills people and 2.) to be the person who writes these little weather phrases, arbitrarily moves them over dates, as brides and event planners and people with boats across America hang their hearts and hats on every random word.
Posted in MAWWAGE., YAY, a lot, love, silly, worrying | No Comments »
October 1st, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
Yesterday, earthquake scientists released some earthquake science data about some earthquake science stuff, that basically led to lots of news articles about an earthquake warning for Southern California including lots of graphics such as this:
which has led to me spending each waking and also non waking moment of my life wondering if the shaking is like an animal that smells when it comes close, entertaining the notion that each and every second is the second before the shaking, the beginning of the shake.
Posted in a lot, i am scared, the future, the whole world, worrying | No Comments »
September 24th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
Is anyone else sometimes completely overcome by an aggressive need to time travel back to when there was no such thing as phones that lived in our pockets and so we left our houses free of every person we know, and headed to meet the one person we’ve agreed to see, and just spent that agreed upon, unchanged time with that one person? But that is no longer so, and so you are then overcome by an overwhelming sadness that that purity of time spent can no longer be? So what then follows is a need to do violent things our phones, throw them into traffic / drop them off bridges / run them over with cars just so they’ll no longer be, and then lastly, the last part, the yearning to have the part of your brain that makes one reach for their phone, check it obsessively, search for something new that never satisfies, surgically removed? YES? ALL OF US FEEL OF THIS THING? GOOD TO KNOW.
Posted in a lot, generally, whining, worrying | No Comments »