bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

Natural Remedies

August 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I am 2.5 weeks into whatever this migraine / sinus / allergy brain fog situation is, which feels like approximately one day short of forever. Having snorted all of the Sudafed and prescription nasal decongestants in East Los Angeles, I am desperately turning to Natural Remedies, such as:

  • sticking my face over bowls of hot water
  • Eucalyptus and Oregano oil
  • standing alone in the kitchen at work eating whole cookies but in sections, walking away, walking back, eating more sections of cookies
  • going to acupuncture, finding it a bit calming if not forever-taking for 45 minutes, REALIZING I LOST MY WALLET AND THEN PANICKING ABOUT HOW TO PAY THE ACUPUNCTURIST
  • SHOUTING AT ALEXA TO PLAY ENYA THE MOMENT I GET HOME

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, whining, worrying | No Comments »

CORRECTION

July 8th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Every theater company doing The Cake, in all of their marketing materials: WE ARE SO PROUD TO PRESENT THIS PLAY, WRITTEN BY THE HEAD WRITER AND CREATOR AND SOLE BRAIN BEHIND THIS IS US!

Me, frantically: IT’S NOT ME I’M JUST ONE OF THE WRITER’S I DID NOT CREATE PLZ ADJUST IMMEDIATELY

Theater Company:……?

Me: IT’S JUST THAT SERIOUSLY, I AM REALLY IN NO WAY IN CHARGE AND IF MY BOSSES SAW THIS I WOULD DIE

Theater Company: But can we tell everyone that you are?

Me: PLEASE DON’T

Theater Company: But what if we just let people BELIEVE that you are, so as to sell tickets?

Me: I FEEL ASHAMED

Posted in a lot, i am lucky, I write for television?, I'M SO EXCITED, lies, life, trying too hard, working, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

this or that or that or that

June 16th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

(NOTE: I am never quite sure exactly how to give cred, but this incredible image that perfectly captures my  at once haunting and comical indecision is by Luke Chueh. PEEP HIM NOW.)

I love to organize my time. I’m soothed by plans. Some people like to lie on beaches and listen to the waves. I LIKE TO PLAN, AND IF I HAPPEN TO BE ON A  BEACH, THAT’S ALSO FINE. But my plan making usually goes something like this:

  • Consider all possible plans
  • Labor over all options intensively
  • Choose one plan, commit to that plan
  • TORTURE MYSELF WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF THE OTHER, UNCHOSEN PLANS
  • TRY AND CHANGE CHOSEN PLAN TO OTHER PLAN
  • accept original plan
  • engage in original plan, it usually goes fine
  • Spend some time wishing I could get that time I spent laboring over other, possible plans back
  • Realize I’ve wasted more time on said regret
  • Move on to next plan
  • Lay all options out on the floor of my mind
  • Think of a lego house, and how each small brick fits together
  • but if you leave a space blank, you can make a window

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, whining, working, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

hunger (?)

May 30th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m currently working with a nutritionist, because lately, I can’t seem to stop myself from eating entire bags of goldfish and washing it down with nine bottles of wine which for SOME REASON is affecting my energy levels DON’T KNOW WHY, but also because, I have issues with food that stem back to the fact that I used to feel like food had to be Finished or it was Wasted, and the fact that I wasn’t raised with junk food and so I fetishized it, and also the fact that I thought that bugs lived inside of bagels, which, side note, has never stopped me from eating them.

Yesterday, my nutritionist asked me, when was the last time you were hungry? And I honestly couldn’t remember, though I do spend a fair amount of worrying about being hungry and preventing said future hunger.  She explained that Real hunger is pain in the gut, a rumbling emptiness. Perceived hunger can actually be just thirst, or it can be emotional hunger, it can be hunger for Affirmation or Stimulation or Hug.  I am so disconnected from actual hunger because my the given circumstances of my life keep me from it, grant me the privilege to wander through grocery stores, thinking about all the things I shouldn’t eat, flipping off boxes of cheese crackers, while there are actual hungry people, all over the world, who don’t waste brain and life space hating themselves because they ate a skittle, because they’re too busy being actually hungry, because of the given circumstances of their own lives.  How about next time I perceive hunger, instead of the 17 Lara Bars or whatever thing has been marketed to me because I go on hikes sometimes, I take in that sobering fact, instead? AND WHERE IS THE CHARITY THAT IS TAKING THE EXTRA LARA BARS FROM THE WOMEN WITH FOOD ISSUES AND GIVING THEM TO ACTUAL HUNGRY PEOPLE? AM I A CLICHE OF MYSELF YET? GREAT, OFF TO SNORT SOME BEE POLLEN

Posted in a lot, food, generally, hmmmmm, the whole world, worrying | No Comments »

Mirror, Mirror, on my Nails

May 20th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

WHO IS THE PERSON WHO WILL SPEND 50 DOLLARS ON A GEL MANICURE THAT MAKE HER NAILS LOOK LIKE MIRRORS?

WAIT…IT’S ME?

OKAY SO AT WHAT POINT EXACTLY DID I BECOME THIS PERSON?

IS IT POSSIBLE TO GO BACK IN TIME, RE-PRIORITIZE?

NO? YOU’RE NOT THAT KIND OF MIRROR? YOU ONLY ANSWER RHETORICAL QUESTIONS AND DO SPELLS? COOL COOL, AS YOU WERE

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, what I'm wearing, worrying | No Comments »

I’M OFFRAID

May 5th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

As I’ve previously noted in this space, I like to discover things a year or two after every one has, so that I might burst into a room like, HAVE YOU GUYS TRIED AVOCADO ON TOAST?! IT IS LIT! Only to discover that everyone has been eating avocado toast and calling it Lit for at least five years. Most recently on this list of ‘discoveries:’ I’ve finally started watching the Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu. Honestly when it first came out, I watched the first few, and was unable to casually hang with genital mutilation on a school night. But I kept hearing how incredible it is, and so nevertheless she persisted, and I must say, it is stunning (and disturbing) and brilliant (and nightmare giving.) Now that I’m all caught up, I have to wait FIVE DAYS to see what will happen to dear Offred next. I’M SO OFFRAID FOR HER / AM I FIRST ONE TO SAY THIS? NO? WE’VE ALL BEEN SAYING THIS FOR TWO YEARS? WELL, HERE WE ARE AGAIN.

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Posted in the future, TV, women, words, worrying | No Comments »

how to water a plant

May 4th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

A few weeks ago, I dreamt that I thought I was a plant, like I kept going around telling people that I was one, and no one believed me. This is most likely related to the fact that we recently got some indoor plants, so that while we’re inside of the Box Man Made to keep us out of the Elements, we might still feel like the Elements are all around us. I’ve never been much of a Plant person (EXCEPT FOR IN MY DREAMS, WHEN I AM PLANT) and so all of the tricks to keeping it alive are completely new to me. I asked the garden center person how often to water the plant, and she all but laughed in my face. And then this:

There’s no such thing as a plant watering schedule. If it’s in direct light, give it water sometimes but not too often, only when it seems like it needs water. If it’s in indirect sunlight, also only sometimes give it water, less frequently than all the time, but just occasionally. If it’s not humid and the plant wants to be humid, spray it with water but only when it wants it. If it looks like it doesn’t want it, don’t do it. And ALWAYS FILTERED WATER.

Confusing, specific,  but also somehow vague. Perhaps I — AM PLANT?!

Posted in a lot, how interesting, i am a grown up, things, things that I Have, tout, trying too hard, whining, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

People, and how they do different Things

March 26th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Yesterday’s flight back from NC a.) had no internet or screens to speak of and b.) was TURBULENT AF and so I was forced to confront my (completely unfounded and odd) sometimes fear of TALKING TO THE PERSON NEXT TO ME. (What if you get trapped in the conversation? How does the conversation end? Neither of you can walk away. What if someone says something awkward and unfortunate and then you just had to sit their breathing each other’s air, passing each other’s trash to the flight attendant, stepping over each other and lightly grazing each other’s laptops with each others butts for the next 100 hours? WHAT IF YOU ARE BORING, OR THEY OR BORING, OR PROBABLY YOU ARE BOTH BORING?) But talk I did, and I’m glad I did.

Nice older man next to me: So, what do you do?

Me: I’m a writer.

Man: That’s cool, what kind?

Me: TV!

Man: THAT IS SO COOL!

Me: What about you?

Man: I’m an engineer, I fix programs and computer systems for Air Force planes.

Me: THAT IS SO EVEN COOLER!

Man: I think what YOU do is cool!

Me: NO, YOU!

Man: Whatever, YOU!

Me: WANNA BE INTERGENERATIONAL AND INTERDISCIPLINARY FRIENDS?

Man: I can’t right now, I’m stuck on a violently shaking plane

Me: WANNA SPEND THE NEXT FOUR HOURS PRETENDING LIKE THAT’S NOT HAPPENING?

Man: YES

Posted in the whole world, tout, trying too hard, TV, what my friends are doing, working, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

RARE OCCURENCE IN NATURE

March 25th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

College friends and soul sisters Blaine and Carrie and I barely get to see each other, especially now that I live on the other side of the country and they each had small humans exit their bodies recently. So being together in the same place requires great forethought and planning,  and whenever we manage to make it happen, we take so many pictures it’s like we’re members of a sacred endangered species, like we might soon disappear from the earth, which really, WE MIGHT, AND OTHER DARK THINGS YOU DISCUSS WITH YOUR FRIENDS WHEN YOU’RE 35 BECAUSE YOUR MORTALITY HAS NOW SETTLED AROUND YOU LIKE EVERY SPRAY FROM BATH AND BODY WORKS . We also discussed Pants. Lookit these beautiful Rhinos:

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Posted in a lot, babies, family, generally, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, the whole world, what my friends are doing, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

HUSKY GIRLS, THEY GET THE JOB DONE

February 24th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

My co-worker Vera just shared this will all of the lady This is Us writers. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND A THOROUGH READ.

HAHA IT’S SO FUNNY AND NONE OF IT IS REAL OR TRUE BUT ALSO NEVER RIDICULE A WOMAN, IT BREAKS HER SPIRIT AND CUTS OFF HER EFFICIENCY, NO REALLY I’M SERIOUS,  DON’T DO THIS

 

Posted in generally, ha, women, words, working, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

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