bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

why to never drink water at a wedding

October 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Note: Though the below might suggest otherwise, I AM staying hopeful and positive that I will someday ‘become a pregnant person,’ as my doctor calls it. I basically just can no longer keep the worry and hilarity of this life phase off of my blog. I’ve tried to keep it off of here, in fear of being over-dramatic or worse, pessimistic, and also just out of respect for the women who have truly been in the thick of this for nine times the amount of days that I have, with greater heartbreak, BUT I MEAN WHY EVEN ELSE HAVE A BLOG / THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT BLOGS ARE FOR / NOW YOU GET TO WORRY ABOUT MY FERTILITY TOO / YOU’RE WELCOME! 

At a friend’s wedding, I decide to switch to water, like just for a minute, because Hydration and Headache. Very nice well-intentioned other friend spots me with said glass of water, and I don’t know, maybe a poorly positioned wrap dress? Perhaps a face swollen from baking my feelings and eating them?  I don’t know. Her eyes light up like Christmas but with a secret, and she rushes to my side.

Friend (furtively:) Are you pregnant?

Me: What? NO. No no no no no no no no (then, approximately 100 more No’s) 

Friend: Oh — God, sorry — I’m so sorry, I just thought —

Me: It’s fine. It’s totally fine. Are you pregnant?

Friend: Um — I don’t think so?

Me: I only ask because recently, it has come to attention that I am the only female person in the entire world and on the entire internet that is not pregnant.  Everyone I went to high school and college with, and their bosses and neighbors and friends, and the people who sell them their groceries and their cars, everyone I’ve ever emailed or envied is pregnant.  Even the moments I’m not pregnant are pregnant with all of the pregnancies I’m not pregnant with.

(A moment.)

Friend: Oh my God. You’re right. I think I’m pregnant. That’s so weird, I wasn’t even trying!

Me: SEE? YOU SEE?!

Friend: Oh God, can I get you some wine?

Me: YES PLZ TEN BUCKETS, AND WITH GREAT HASTE

 

Posted in a lot, babies, generally, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, life, love, MAWWAGE., oh nooo, the future, tout, trying too hard, whining, women, words, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

not cake

October 8th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I, like probably millions of other women, spent some time this weekend furiously baking, as it somehow felt like the only response to being made to feel like we don’t Matter. We bake to relieve stress and sift our feelings out and be the nice ladies our mothers raised us to be. But as I carefully folded in the walnuts, making sure they were properly, evenly spread, as I was raised to do, I thought — what if we stopped? No, really. What if we just didn’t provide the comfort and balance and warmth and pie that we were raised to provide, that it gives us genuine JOY to provide? What if it no longer gave us joy and so we stopped? WHAT THEN?

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, women, worrying | No Comments »

dressues

October 6th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

-Me: I need a dress for that thing next week, at which I must look like an effortless adult person who is Polished and Poised without trying too Hard.

  • spends (wastes) hours online looking at dresses
  • perhaps orders a few, spends (wastes) money and also time on trying them on, returning them
  • forlorn, looks in own closet
  • Sees 900 DRESSES, MOST OF WHICH ARE PERFECTLY APPROPRIATE FOR EVENT.
  • realizes that this isn’t just about Dresses
  • the answer is always (usually) right in front of you
  • Like really, you can search the world (internet) but you will just end up back at Home

Posted in a lot, DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!, ha, hmmmmm, whining, women, working, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

a thing that I should not be doing

October 4th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I just realized a completely psychotic thing that I’ve been doing, and I think I’ll lay it here, in hopes of embarrassing myself just enough to stop doing it. I keep thinking about old pairs of jeans that don’t fit anymore, as if they’re people I used to love. I imagine the moments I had with them. I ponder what my life would be like if I still could wear them. I wonder where they are now. I literally sigh after these thoughts. NOW THAT I’VE CONFESSED THIS, PEOPLE LET ME FOREVER STOP CONFUSING PEOPLE AND CLOTHES.

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, what i am NOT wearing, what I'm wearing, whining, worrying | No Comments »

Natural Remedies

August 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I am 2.5 weeks into whatever this migraine / sinus / allergy brain fog situation is, which feels like approximately one day short of forever. Having snorted all of the Sudafed and prescription nasal decongestants in East Los Angeles, I am desperately turning to Natural Remedies, such as:

  • sticking my face over bowls of hot water
  • Eucalyptus and Oregano oil
  • standing alone in the kitchen at work eating whole cookies but in sections, walking away, walking back, eating more sections of cookies
  • going to acupuncture, finding it a bit calming if not forever-taking for 45 minutes, REALIZING I LOST MY WALLET AND THEN PANICKING ABOUT HOW TO PAY THE ACUPUNCTURIST
  • SHOUTING AT ALEXA TO PLAY ENYA THE MOMENT I GET HOME

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, whining, worrying | No Comments »

CORRECTION

July 8th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Every theater company doing The Cake, in all of their marketing materials: WE ARE SO PROUD TO PRESENT THIS PLAY, WRITTEN BY THE HEAD WRITER AND CREATOR AND SOLE BRAIN BEHIND THIS IS US!

Me, frantically: IT’S NOT ME I’M JUST ONE OF THE WRITER’S I DID NOT CREATE PLZ ADJUST IMMEDIATELY

Theater Company:……?

Me: IT’S JUST THAT SERIOUSLY, I AM REALLY IN NO WAY IN CHARGE AND IF MY BOSSES SAW THIS I WOULD DIE

Theater Company: But can we tell everyone that you are?

Me: PLEASE DON’T

Theater Company: But what if we just let people BELIEVE that you are, so as to sell tickets?

Me: I FEEL ASHAMED

Posted in a lot, i am lucky, I write for television?, I'M SO EXCITED, lies, life, trying too hard, working, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

this or that or that or that

June 16th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

(NOTE: I am never quite sure exactly how to give cred, but this incredible image that perfectly captures my  at once haunting and comical indecision is by Luke Chueh. PEEP HIM NOW.)

I love to organize my time. I’m soothed by plans. Some people like to lie on beaches and listen to the waves. I LIKE TO PLAN, AND IF I HAPPEN TO BE ON A  BEACH, THAT’S ALSO FINE. But my plan making usually goes something like this:

  • Consider all possible plans
  • Labor over all options intensively
  • Choose one plan, commit to that plan
  • TORTURE MYSELF WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF THE OTHER, UNCHOSEN PLANS
  • TRY AND CHANGE CHOSEN PLAN TO OTHER PLAN
  • accept original plan
  • engage in original plan, it usually goes fine
  • Spend some time wishing I could get that time I spent laboring over other, possible plans back
  • Realize I’ve wasted more time on said regret
  • Move on to next plan
  • Lay all options out on the floor of my mind
  • Think of a lego house, and how each small brick fits together
  • but if you leave a space blank, you can make a window

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, whining, working, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

hunger (?)

May 30th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m currently working with a nutritionist, because lately, I can’t seem to stop myself from eating entire bags of goldfish and washing it down with nine bottles of wine which for SOME REASON is affecting my energy levels DON’T KNOW WHY, but also because, I have issues with food that stem back to the fact that I used to feel like food had to be Finished or it was Wasted, and the fact that I wasn’t raised with junk food and so I fetishized it, and also the fact that I thought that bugs lived inside of bagels, which, side note, has never stopped me from eating them.

Yesterday, my nutritionist asked me, when was the last time you were hungry? And I honestly couldn’t remember, though I do spend a fair amount of worrying about being hungry and preventing said future hunger.  She explained that Real hunger is pain in the gut, a rumbling emptiness. Perceived hunger can actually be just thirst, or it can be emotional hunger, it can be hunger for Affirmation or Stimulation or Hug.  I am so disconnected from actual hunger because my the given circumstances of my life keep me from it, grant me the privilege to wander through grocery stores, thinking about all the things I shouldn’t eat, flipping off boxes of cheese crackers, while there are actual hungry people, all over the world, who don’t waste brain and life space hating themselves because they ate a skittle, because they’re too busy being actually hungry, because of the given circumstances of their own lives.  How about next time I perceive hunger, instead of the 17 Lara Bars or whatever thing has been marketed to me because I go on hikes sometimes, I take in that sobering fact, instead? AND WHERE IS THE CHARITY THAT IS TAKING THE EXTRA LARA BARS FROM THE WOMEN WITH FOOD ISSUES AND GIVING THEM TO ACTUAL HUNGRY PEOPLE? AM I A CLICHE OF MYSELF YET? GREAT, OFF TO SNORT SOME BEE POLLEN

Posted in a lot, food, generally, hmmmmm, the whole world, worrying | No Comments »

Mirror, Mirror, on my Nails

May 20th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

WHO IS THE PERSON WHO WILL SPEND 50 DOLLARS ON A GEL MANICURE THAT MAKE HER NAILS LOOK LIKE MIRRORS?

WAIT…IT’S ME?

OKAY SO AT WHAT POINT EXACTLY DID I BECOME THIS PERSON?

IS IT POSSIBLE TO GO BACK IN TIME, RE-PRIORITIZE?

NO? YOU’RE NOT THAT KIND OF MIRROR? YOU ONLY ANSWER RHETORICAL QUESTIONS AND DO SPELLS? COOL COOL, AS YOU WERE

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, what I'm wearing, worrying | No Comments »

I’M OFFRAID

May 5th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

As I’ve previously noted in this space, I like to discover things a year or two after every one has, so that I might burst into a room like, HAVE YOU GUYS TRIED AVOCADO ON TOAST?! IT IS LIT! Only to discover that everyone has been eating avocado toast and calling it Lit for at least five years. Most recently on this list of ‘discoveries:’ I’ve finally started watching the Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu. Honestly when it first came out, I watched the first few, and was unable to casually hang with genital mutilation on a school night. But I kept hearing how incredible it is, and so nevertheless she persisted, and I must say, it is stunning (and disturbing) and brilliant (and nightmare giving.) Now that I’m all caught up, I have to wait FIVE DAYS to see what will happen to dear Offred next. I’M SO OFFRAID FOR HER / AM I FIRST ONE TO SAY THIS? NO? WE’VE ALL BEEN SAYING THIS FOR TWO YEARS? WELL, HERE WE ARE AGAIN.

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Posted in the future, TV, women, words, worrying | No Comments »

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