February 3rd, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter
It’s gearing up to be hiatus time, which means I’m off work for a few months, and no longer have structured time or an inarguable hierarchy of goals, which usually means that I TRY AND DO EVERYTHING AND COMPLETELY LOSE MY MIND. My calendar is always an indicator of this. Week with normal work schedule contains order, ease, and clear cut tasks:
Week with no work contains ALL CAPS TASKS AND ARBITRARY CIRCLING OF THINGS AND THE CROSSING OUT AND REWRITING OF THINGS AND THE SHOVING OF THINGS INTO DAY LIKE A CLOSET THAT’S ALREADY FULL OF OLD TOWELS:
I currently have eight, EIGHT different worlds and groups of characters in my head for eight different projects, all of which I love and want to hang out with. When will I ever learn to do less? WILL I EVER LEARN?
Posted in YAY, a lot, whining, worrying | No Comments »
January 11th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter
Say what you want about Obama, about what he was actually able to accomplish during his eight years, about how he handled the economy and healthcare, about what he did to taxes, say all of those things, make an angry list, shout them at your television or into your bank account, but at least acknowledge this: while our new president conducts his first press conference like a shareholder meeting, and its contents could basically be boiled down into ‘Nanny nanny boo boo,’ pointing fingers and shifting blame and hiding behind arbitrary stacks of paper arranged carefully so as to scream meaning like the set of high school play, Obama was, and is, a unifier. Last night, he challenged all of us, liberal, conservative, in-between, to stop searching our feeds for information that affirms our own beliefs, but to seek facts. He asked us to consider each other’s points of view, and above all else, to remember our humanity. OH RIGHT, THAT.
Posted in YAY, a lot, famous people stuff, oh nooo, politics, the future, the whole world, worrying | No Comments »
January 7th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter
Today, on the inside of my head is a Party City during a blowout Sale: I worry about basically everything all of the time, but there is usually one thing at the forefront of my worry that is taking up the most space. It’s usually something fairly irrational based off of imagined scenarios. Usually, at some point, this thing turns out to be completely unfounded, and I no longer have to worry about it, and so I move onto the next thing in line. I do not even pause to celebrate the fact that the thing I’ve been worrying about is actually totally okay. Why spend so much time worrying about something if I’m not even going to take a moment of PHEW! THAT THING IS FINE! I hereby vow NOT to stop worrying, because that would actually require me having part of my brain removed, but instead — when a worry gets resolved, I will have a little worry party in my head, in which I close my eyes and enjoy the tiniest moment of peace. THEN OF COURSE MOVE ON TO TSUNAMI’s.
Posted in YAY, a lot, awesome, silly, the future, the whole world, whining, words, worrying | No Comments »
January 6th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter
WHAT’S THAT YOU SAY? ANOTHER MASS SHOOTING, INNOCENT PEOPLE DEAD FOR NO REASON, THIS TIME IN THE BAGGAGE CLAIM AREA OF AN AIRPORT WHICH HAS DEFINITELY CROSSED YOUR MIND WHEN TRAVELING, HOW VERY NOT SECURE THOSE AREAS ARE? I’LL JUST LOOK AT PICTURES OF THE TINY CHICKEN POT PIES I ATE IN HONG KONG INSTEAD
Posted in a lot, i am scared, the whole world, worrying | No Comments »
January 3rd, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter
Dreamt I was writing in a beautiful green meadow, with a pencil in a clean white college ruled notebook. I was JOURNALING, even, writing towards figuring out exactly what it is that’s blocking me from becoming the best person and writer I possibly can be. After a page of writing, I arrived at it. The very thing that I needed to confront. The one thing that needed fixing. I stared at it there on the page, circled and underlined it, felt sort of free, and ready to fix. So what is it? What is the thing? NOPE. NO CAN DO. DON’T REMEMBER EVEN AT ALL.
Posted in a dream is a wish your heart makes, a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, whining, words, working, worrying | No Comments »
December 31st, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
There’s a thing going around instagram, Best 9, in which people post a grid of their best nine pictures from 2016, summing up a year in their lives. Whenever everyone is doing something it kind of makes me not want to do it, as I am no sheep, by which I mean BAAAAAAAA I’LL JUST DO IT HERE INSTEAD but with 24 pictures because I LIVE MY OWN LIFE (IN GRIDS.) And so with no further ado, it has been a magnificent year! I:
Ate that chicken pot pie in a blizzard, wrote for American Gods, had a beautiful production of my Heaven play at South Coast Rep, found the perfect overalls and wore them approximately 170 times, washed them about 3 times, took a surfing lesson with Elizabeth, had a Dewey’s pink lemonade cake to call my own at my Easter pot luck thanks to my Mom, ran a 5K with a little girl Monet who ate gummy savers the whole way thanks to Blaine, celebrated 2 years with Mo at Red Lobster, patroned Ru Paul’s drag con, got after that no speaking above a whisper resort life in Joshua Tree, spent some time writing at Space on Ryder farm in upstate New York, went to Carrie’s Beyonce themed beybe shower (then later welcomed and met her dear little Sebastian who I am now calling Bash / 2017 let’s see if we can get that going), and then also:
Had the most perfect of bridal showers complete with hats and tiny sandwiches, spun for 3 hours in YAS-a-thon for cancer research, made Ina Garten’s flag cake, welcomed little nephew Mojo, worked on The Cake at the Alliance, Echo and Ojai, did Vegas so hard bachelorette style, tried on a bunch of white dresses / picked one had a bunch dress fittings / obsessed over its details and its accessories namely did I ever mentioned that Ferris Bueller cropped leather coat? / GOT MARRIED / cast my vote for a woman president for the first time, attended Blaine and Jason’s non baby shower baby shower, read Vivian Howard’s incredible cookbook, and started writing for This is Us. And so, a great many things.
Last week I started to have dreams that I was left out of something creative, being mocked for output or performance. Personal favorite: I dreamt I had to play a drunk dog onstage and the reviews were terrible (this dream brought to you by the first night in Hong Kong, surrounded by every stimulus possible.) I think the dreams stem from a feeling that I haven’t accomplished enough creatively this year, like I haven’t dug enough into my own heart / brain. I’ve been working, yes, but I feel, in general, sort of uninspired, like the questioning part of my brain has been numbed. It’s most likely because the majority of all extra time and emotional brainspace I had went to wedding planning. And so, I will forgive myself, hope that 2017 brings characters / moments / stories / questions, big new ideas, but ALSO, more cakes / adult onesies / trips / love, FOR BALANCE.
Posted in MAWWAGE., TV, YAY, a lot, life, love, memories, oh nooo, optimism, silly, the future, the whole world, the writing of drama plays, theater, things, things that I Have, tout, trying too hard, what I'm wearing, whining, words, working, worrying | No Comments »
December 16th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
LET’S JUST SAY COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL FOR EXAMPLE THAT YOU’RE GOING ON YOUR HONEYMOON WHICH ONLY HAPPENS ONCE IN YOUR LIFE AND YOU PLANNED IT MONTHS AGO AND NOW SUDDENLY TIME HAS MOVED AND YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE TONIGHT. And maybe you just realized a few weeks ago that your destination of choice, Bali, is in fact enduring its ‘wet season’ during your visit month of choice, and then maybe you look at the forecast seconds before you leave and discover that it’s basically going to look like this the entire time:
And you feel dumb. You also feel disappointed. BUT ALSO YOU FEEL RESOURCEFUL. Also you know how to use the internet. Also you have a husband who is patient and less neurotic, and also you’ve been paid handsomely for your work, as of late. WHY BE PAID HANDSOMELY, IF AT ALL, IF YOU DON’T EVERY NOW AND THEN, LIGHT A LITTLE BIT OF IT ON FIRE TO LAST MINUTE CHANGE YOUR TRIP TO THIS INSTEAD?
PS, we’re off to Hua Hin, Thailand, instead, BECAUSE B.
Posted in I hate money, MAWWAGE., YAY, a lot, ha, hmmmmm, holidays, how interesting, i am lucky, i am scared, i have peace, love, silly, the future, the whole world, whining, working, worrying | No Comments »
November 27th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
It’s the timmeeee of yearrrrr
When the world
Falls in love
And I sit on the couch watching Hallmark Christmas movies that are bountiful and limitless and appear to be made for approximately nine dollars a piece, and I judge their predictable plots and cheese covered dialogue and tell myself I’m watching them ironically and shout at my husband THIS IS MY VIDEO GAMES but then quietly sob when the commercials come in which nice people do nice things for strangers, and then the sobbing leads me to wonder, am I a Hallmark Christmas movie writer? IS THAT REALLY WHAT I AM? SHOULD I JUST MAKE THESE FOREVER? AND EVER? AND EVER? AND EVER?
Posted in YAY, a lot, arrogant art things, awesome, fancy, generally, ha, hmmmmm, holidays, working, worrying | No Comments »
November 10th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
When you are a lady playwright raised to please and to apologize, and you get a series of bad reviews written by OTHER lady writers who write directly and bravely and without apology because they were perhaps raised THAT way, THE PROPER RESPONSE IS TO EMAIL THE REVIEWERS AND DEEPLY APOLOGIZE AT LENGTH FOR RUINING THEIR EVENINGS AND WASTING THEIR TIME AND GO INTO GREAT DETAIL ABOUT YOUR SHAME AND EMBARRASSMENT AND THEN MAYBE ALSO FIND A WAY TO SEND THEM BAKED GOODS? THIS IS RIGHT, RIGHT?
Posted in a lot, silly, sucking, the writing of drama plays, tout, trying too hard, whining, women, words, worrying | No Comments »
November 9th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter
To those who are joyous today, I understand that you are frustrated, disenfranchised, desperate for work, for a change that feels real, trying to feed your families, clinging to what you’ve been taught is right, if not a little ignorant as to how to actually change your circumstances. I am, too. I understand the way the government works just about as much as a I get how cars run or electricity happens. I do not have a brain for understanding complex systems. I have a creative, empathic brain that loves humans, good ones and bad ones too, that is constantly questioning why they do what they do. I have built a whole life, and livelihood, around these questions. This sort of brain that God gave me is exactly why I hope that you 1.) get the life that you want for you and your family, and the means with which to give them that life and 2.) that you do so WITHOUT condoning sexual assault of women, without apathy and anger towards those who don’t love exactly like you do, who aren’t from exactly where you’re from. Obama said it this morning. We’re Americans before we’re Republicans or Democrats. But even before that, we are people.
Posted in a lot, faith, generally, hmmmmm, i am a grown up, i am scared, i have peace, life, oh nooo, optimism, politics, the whole world, things that I Have, words, worrying | No Comments »