bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

HOW TO SLEEP

January 13th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • Start worrying about 4 PM about how you didn’t sleep enough last night and so tonight you really must sleep
  • Focus on how tired you are and convince yourself that surely, this means that tonight, YOU WILL SLEEP
  • Have a few glasses of wine to definitely ensure definite amounts of (not real but the appearances of real) sleep
  • Have a cup of Herbal Detox tea right before bed to trick your body into thinking you DIDN’T just drink wine to make yourself sleep
  • Go to Bed
  • LIE AWAKE IN BED FOR HOURS, YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN LESS TIRED OR MORE AWAKE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
  • Sleep for five minutes
  • Spiral all the next day, contemplate your sleep problems while sleep-working
  • casually Look at tea
  • REALIZE THAT TEA HAS CAFFEINE, YOU IDIOT
  • MAYBE A TEENY TINY AMOUNT BUT STILL
  • RESOLVE TO NOT DRINK CAFFEINE RIGHT BEFORE BED
  • SLEEP

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, whining | No Comments »

MY DAYS ARE NUMBERED

December 30th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

To whoever thought to invent number shaped cookie cutters: CONGRATULATIONS AND WELCOME INTO MY WILL, IF NOT MY LIFE’S WORK, IF NOT MY LEGACY. You were probably a 19th century Grandma who one morning bent metal into a 2, and you are probably long gone, but still, I would just really like to shake your hand, if not high five you, if that was a thing Then.

Posted in a lot, food, generally, ha, holidays, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, procrastibaking, YAY | No Comments »

field research

December 12th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

EXCITING DRAMATURGICAL ANNOUNCEMENT! I’ve always wanted to write a Christmas Play, so that in the year 2320 when I’m long gone, I’ll be remembered solely by my Christmas play which every robot high school in the midwest performs every single year. And so: my next play, a commission for South Coast Rep in Costa Mesa, CA is about a disgruntled group of Mall Santas. Why, here’s my niece Olivia, helping her auntie with a little field research:

Other words for  ‘field research’ include ‘confronting fears’ and ‘sitting on the warm lap of the devil’ and ‘confusing exercise in terror’ and ‘WHY MOMMY WHY.’ THE FUTURE ROBOT THESPIANS THANK YOU, LIV. NOW GET BACK OUT THERE / TAKE NOTES.

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, holidays, the writing of drama plays, YAY | No Comments »

Self Esteam

December 8th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me, to Morrison: There’s some weird steam happening on the side of our house right now. Here’s a video.

Morrison: ….That’s steam. Steam happens when water evaporates. Like when it rains. The sun heats up the water, after….

Me: I mean, I KNOW, but it just seems like a lot of steam.

Morrison: I mean yeah, it is, but it rained a lot, and now it’s very sunny, so —

Me: SCIENCE

Morrison: Yep. Just basically that.

Me: I’M VERY SMART

Morrison: Yes, yes you are.

Me: AND VERY VERY BEAUTIFUL

Morrison: yes, sure —

Me: THE EARTH IS FLAT

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, LA angst, MAWWAGE., silly, where i want to live, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

Fantasy or Fever Dream?

November 24th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

This Thanksgiving will forever go down in history as That Time I Spent an Entire Year looking forward to hosting my own Thanksgiving in my own house for my Husband’s family, nearly a lifelong goal of mine, only to contract a cold from hell a few days before game time, but flat out refused to let it affect my fantasy plans or anyone’s holiday, and so I pushed through like a mad woman assisted by Sister in Laws and Sudafed, to the point of Fever, and SOMEHOW IT ALL HAPPENED, in fact I miraculously started to feel better an hour before dinner was served, and it still managed to be the most marvelous Thanksgiving ever, with two kinds of stuffing and family everywhere, or MAYBE I SWEAT DREAMT IT? A few of my favorite images from my Fever dream:

Morrison somehow arranged our dining room so it fit 14 people / WE GOT TO USE ALL OF OUR PLACEMATS / WHY IS THIS SO EXCITING TO ME / DO I NEED HELP:

 .  

With much advice and assistant from sister in Law Jacy and also the internet, I roasted my first turkey and no one (yet) died:

Tiny people literally everywhere:

SIL Anne with that portrait mode:

Featured dishes: my sausage, apple and fennel cornbread stuffing, and MIL Cam’s Chile Relleno casserole (cheese / eggs / sour cream / chile rellenos / ABSURDLY GOOD)

A large percentage of my favorite people, all in one place:

 

Posted in a lot, awesome, family, food, generally, ha, hmmmmm, horn tooting, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky | No Comments »

Contradictions

November 13th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • Bakes cookies for feminist theater group meeting
  • Spends entire feminist theater group meeting wondering why no one’s eating her cookies
  • When asked for her feminist thoughts about theater, just shouts I BAKED COOKIES
  • Disappears under couch cushion
  • makes mental note to ask for recipe for Mother’s Macaroni and Cheese

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, whining, women | No Comments »

gun control for babies

November 8th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • Poor mental health is a definitely large factor in mass shootings
  • Another large factor in mass shootings would be guns
  • Poor mental health,  even when observed by trained professionals, is tricky to regulate, as you can’t hold it in your hands
  • You can hold a gun in your hands
  • REGULATE GUNS
  • AND ALSO MENTAL HEALTH, YES THAT SYSTEM IS ALSO BROKEN BUT
  • START  WITH THE THING YOU CAN SEE

I understand last night’s mass shooting, 40 miles from where I live, ‘the worst mass shooting in the US in twelve days,’ is a NRA’s dream. The shooter owned his weapons legally (except for the magazines) making it a mental health issue. But a mental health professional cleared him in April. Because how can you really even tell how broken a person is, what they might do? I’m not a policy genius, I’m just a grown up baby with a blog, BUT ISN’T THE ANSWER SO VERY VERY CLEAR? 

Posted in a lot, generally, I am furious, i am scared, the whole world | No Comments »

why to never drink water at a wedding

October 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Note: Though the below might suggest otherwise, I AM staying hopeful and positive that I will someday ‘become a pregnant person,’ as my doctor calls it. I basically just can no longer keep the worry and hilarity of this life phase off of my blog. I’ve tried to keep it off of here, in fear of being over-dramatic or worse, pessimistic, and also just out of respect for the women who have truly been in the thick of this for nine times the amount of days that I have, with greater heartbreak, BUT I MEAN WHY EVEN ELSE HAVE A BLOG / THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT BLOGS ARE FOR / NOW YOU GET TO WORRY ABOUT MY FERTILITY TOO / YOU’RE WELCOME! 

At a friend’s wedding, I decide to switch to water, like just for a minute, because Hydration and Headache. Very nice well-intentioned other friend spots me with said glass of water, and I don’t know, maybe a poorly positioned wrap dress? Perhaps a face swollen from baking my feelings and eating them?  I don’t know. Her eyes light up like Christmas but with a secret, and she rushes to my side.

Friend (furtively:) Are you pregnant?

Me: What? NO. No no no no no no no no (then, approximately 100 more No’s) 

Friend: Oh — God, sorry — I’m so sorry, I just thought —

Me: It’s fine. It’s totally fine. Are you pregnant?

Friend: Um — I don’t think so?

Me: I only ask because recently, it has come to attention that I am the only female person in the entire world and on the entire internet that is not pregnant.  Everyone I went to high school and college with, and their bosses and neighbors and friends, and the people who sell them their groceries and their cars, everyone I’ve ever emailed or envied is pregnant.  Even the moments I’m not pregnant are pregnant with all of the pregnancies I’m not pregnant with.

(A moment.)

Friend: Oh my God. You’re right. I think I’m pregnant. That’s so weird, I wasn’t even trying!

Me: SEE? YOU SEE?!

Friend: Oh God, can I get you some wine?

Me: YES PLZ TEN BUCKETS, AND WITH GREAT HASTE

 

Posted in a lot, babies, generally, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, life, love, MAWWAGE., oh nooo, the future, tout, trying too hard, whining, women, words, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

EXCLUSIVE PICS

September 19th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

FINALLY: THE EXCLUSIVE EMMYS PICTURES YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR:

1/543 of my attempt to get a nice picture of Morrison and I on the red carpet, for some reason featuring someone else’s phone:

My balanced, post-Emmys dinner, featuring a fresh cut on my hand from when I face planted while jogging the morning of the Emmys, while thinking about everything I had to do before getting ready for the Emmy’s, and all of life after it, and is there an apostrophe in Emmys or not FACEPLANT:

And my hair in a dark kitchen, eleven hours later:

PLZ FEEL FREE TO SELL TO TMZ BUT IF YOU DO, PLZ GIVE AT LEAST 60% OF PROFIT TO NC FLOOD VICTIMS, THNKS

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, i am lucky, I write for television?, life, YAY | No Comments »

ALL OF IT

September 11th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, in the Salad of my head: At the first preview of The Cake last night, the older couple in front of me’s assisted listening devices weren’t working, and so they couldn’t hear 80% of the play and I was so frustrated for them. Also I finally, after a month of pain and dizziness and fog, have my brain back and my wits about me. And so given what happened 17 years ago today — I will spend this entire day, and hopefully all of the rest of them, remembering that it’s all a gift. Nothing is guaranteed. Hearing is a miracle. Health is good fortune. LIFE IS A BONUS. IT’S ALL GIFTS, ALL OF IT.

Posted in a lot, generally, i am lucky, i have peace | No Comments »

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