bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

Contradictions

November 13th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • Bakes cookies for feminist theater group meeting
  • Spends entire feminist theater group meeting wondering why no one’s eating her cookies
  • When asked for her feminist thoughts about theater, just shouts I BAKED COOKIES
  • Disappears under couch cushion
  • makes mental note to ask for recipe for Mother’s Macaroni and Cheese

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, whining, women | No Comments »

pro marriage trick

November 1st, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me: I feel like I look like I’ve gained weight, but I haven’t.

Morrison:…what?

Me: I mean, I haven’t recently. But I LOOK like I have.

Morrison: You’re right.

Me: What?

Morrison: I’ve been looking at you and thinking, she hasn’t gained weight, but she’s got the definite LOOK of having gained weight, even though she has gained no weight.

Me: That sounds insane.

Morrison: EXACTLY

Posted in a lot, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, love, MAWWAGE., narcissism, whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

why to never drink water at a wedding

October 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Note: Though the below might suggest otherwise, I AM staying hopeful and positive that I will someday ‘become a pregnant person,’ as my doctor calls it. I basically just can no longer keep the worry and hilarity of this life phase off of my blog. I’ve tried to keep it off of here, in fear of being over-dramatic or worse, pessimistic, and also just out of respect for the women who have truly been in the thick of this for nine times the amount of days that I have, with greater heartbreak, BUT I MEAN WHY EVEN ELSE HAVE A BLOG / THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT BLOGS ARE FOR / NOW YOU GET TO WORRY ABOUT MY FERTILITY TOO / YOU’RE WELCOME! 

At a friend’s wedding, I decide to switch to water, like just for a minute, because Hydration and Headache. Very nice well-intentioned other friend spots me with said glass of water, and I don’t know, maybe a poorly positioned wrap dress? Perhaps a face swollen from baking my feelings and eating them?  I don’t know. Her eyes light up like Christmas but with a secret, and she rushes to my side.

Friend (furtively:) Are you pregnant?

Me: What? NO. No no no no no no no no (then, approximately 100 more No’s) 

Friend: Oh — God, sorry — I’m so sorry, I just thought —

Me: It’s fine. It’s totally fine. Are you pregnant?

Friend: Um — I don’t think so?

Me: I only ask because recently, it has come to attention that I am the only female person in the entire world and on the entire internet that is not pregnant.  Everyone I went to high school and college with, and their bosses and neighbors and friends, and the people who sell them their groceries and their cars, everyone I’ve ever emailed or envied is pregnant.  Even the moments I’m not pregnant are pregnant with all of the pregnancies I’m not pregnant with.

(A moment.)

Friend: Oh my God. You’re right. I think I’m pregnant. That’s so weird, I wasn’t even trying!

Me: SEE? YOU SEE?!

Friend: Oh God, can I get you some wine?

Me: YES PLZ TEN BUCKETS, AND WITH GREAT HASTE

 

Posted in a lot, babies, generally, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, i am lucky, i am scared, life, love, MAWWAGE., oh nooo, the future, tout, trying too hard, whining, women, words, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

not cake

October 8th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I, like probably millions of other women, spent some time this weekend furiously baking, as it somehow felt like the only response to being made to feel like we don’t Matter. We bake to relieve stress and sift our feelings out and be the nice ladies our mothers raised us to be. But as I carefully folded in the walnuts, making sure they were properly, evenly spread, as I was raised to do, I thought — what if we stopped? No, really. What if we just didn’t provide the comfort and balance and warmth and pie that we were raised to provide, that it gives us genuine JOY to provide? What if it no longer gave us joy and so we stopped? WHAT THEN?

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, women, worrying | No Comments »

dressues

October 6th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

-Me: I need a dress for that thing next week, at which I must look like an effortless adult person who is Polished and Poised without trying too Hard.

  • spends (wastes) hours online looking at dresses
  • perhaps orders a few, spends (wastes) money and also time on trying them on, returning them
  • forlorn, looks in own closet
  • Sees 900 DRESSES, MOST OF WHICH ARE PERFECTLY APPROPRIATE FOR EVENT.
  • realizes that this isn’t just about Dresses
  • the answer is always (usually) right in front of you
  • Like really, you can search the world (internet) but you will just end up back at Home

Posted in a lot, DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!, ha, hmmmmm, whining, women, working, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

WHO’S THAT LADY

August 20th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

STARE INTO THE CAMERA LIKE YOU’VE GOT THE ANSWER TO ALL OF THE WORLD’S PROBLEMS BUT YOU’RE JUST GOING TO CASUALLY KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF

NOW GET YOUR HAIR OUTTA YOUR FACE, LADY, USE THAT BAR LIKE IT’S A METAPHOR FOR THE THING THAT DIVIDES PEOPLE THAT YOU WANT TO BREAK DOWN

BUT WAIT REMEMBER YOU’RE WEARING FULL BODY NORDSTROM RACK, COME BACK DOWN TO EARTH

(New grown up lady writer press pictures by Alison Yates!) Stay tuned for 900 of me sitting on the ground, chin in hand like someone gave a really important job and a wig to a baby.

 

Posted in a lot, narcissism, the writing of drama plays, women, YAY | No Comments »

that tiny, delicate life

August 18th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • purchases tiny, delicate necklace  for every day wear, in hopes of being a tiny, delicate person that just floats around like a whisper, dotted with diamonds the size of molecules
  • manages to wear it for about four months
  • in a moment of complete non-delicacy, HULKS OUT AND YANKS ON NECKLACE LIKE IT’S MADE OF CHAINS USED TO CAPTURE WHALES; SNAPS NECKLACE IN HALF
  • searches for another, CYCLE CONTINUES

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, things that I Have, tout, trying too hard, whining, women | No Comments »

MODERN WIFE

July 28th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • Wakes up
  • Works out
  • Does some work
  • Goes to work
  • Does more work
  • Leaves work, gets in car
  • FRANTICALLY COVERS SELF WITH PERFUME SO THAT HUSBAND WILL THINK SHE SMELLS LIKE TINY DELICATE FLOWER WHEN SHE GETS HOME
  • Gets home, kisses husband
  • collapses on top of work, BUT SMELLS GREAT

Posted in a lot, ha, i am lucky, love, MAWWAGE., whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

promises, promises

June 18th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I go to spin class for exercise, for mental health etc etc etc, but mostly to collect pieces of found dialogue, like this gem:

GIRL BEFORE SPINNING CLASS, TO HER FRIEND, SO SERIOUSLY: I have to tell you something.

Friend: ….Okay? Are you okay?

Girl: Yeah, um. I just, um. I’m not drinking right now.

Friend: Okay…?

Girl: I’ve been scared to tell you. But yeah. I’m not drinking.

Friend: Okay!

Girl: I mean, I might have a drink tonight.

Friend:…Okay…?

GIRL: But I’m not drinking right now.

Posted in ha, women, YAY | No Comments »

mauve over, jeans!

June 8th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

Shout out to these mauve Uni-qlo pants made from something like ant-wrinkle anti-stain astronaut material, that are perfect for early summer in LA, when the temperature at work vacillates from 60 to 90 at any give point. Also shout-out to the frozen blueberry I found in my crotch that did NOT leave a stain. LAST SHOUT OUT TO YOU, READER, FOR NOT JUDGING ME FOR TAKING BLURRY IPHOTO BOOTH PICTURES OF MY PANTS IN MY OFFICE.

Posted in a lot, what I'm wearing, women, YAY | No Comments »

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