bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

WORLD IS ENDING

January 21st, 2020 by Bekah Brunstetter

I am now receiving Ads on facebook for a HIP CUTE HOME SPERM INJECTOR, with a cute name and cute branding pics like it’s a home meal service or fun socks or a way to test yourself for food allergies:

And it’s just like — what happened to fall in love, make sex, make baby? And it’s just like, is it for same sex couples, in which case yay, or is it for women who don’t want to emasculate their already emasculated male partners by dragging them to a fertility clinic so instead they steal their sperm in the night and inject it into themselves? So many of these new developments in science, fertility, in tech, just the things in general that humans are coming up with, are as terrifying in concept as they are brilliant and practical. WORLD IS ENDING (OR PERHAPS IT’S JUST BEGUN?)

Posted in a lot, hmmmmm, the whole world, women | No Comments »

froworker

January 15th, 2020 by Bekah Brunstetter

Noun: a co-worker who becomes a friend; WHAT I FORCE MOST EVERYONE THAT I WORK WITH TO BECOME. 13 days into this Notebook musical workshop and I’m feeling very very grateful for Ingrid, who bakes the world’s best salted chocolate chip cookies, who is both vulnerable and collaborative, who brings me good luck crystals to keep in my bra and essential oils to sniff, who gives me half her orange when I’m staring at it with envy, who deserves nine million Trammy’s for her beautiful work on this project, a Trammy of course being the combo Tony Grammy that will be invented JUST for her.

Posted in a lot, famous people stuff, horn tooting, i am lucky, the writing of drama plays, Uncategorized, women, working, worrying | No Comments »

what to do with this

January 9th, 2020 by Bekah Brunstetter

Every time the news presents an image of Harvey Weinstein heading into or out of court, I have to look away, not just because he is a manipulative rapist who took advantage of many vulnerable women, BUT BECAUSE HE’S USING A WALKER. Weinstein now walks like a mule with bricks of guilt and shame on his back. He’s apparently about to have surgery. And I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM. Isn’t that horrible? What is that? Where does that come from? There is nothing sadder to me than a vulnerable old man. Why does my brain always pierce through the accusations and sins and see the human, when he oftentimes doesn’t deserve to be seen? And what am I meant to do with this feeling other than be ashamed of it and leave it here? Will it just always be my job / gift / curse to have empathy for literally everyone? Will I forever be a well-meaning, out of touch asshole standing next to the Guillotine shouting, THIS PEOPLE IS A PEOPLE, TOO?

Posted in ....ew, a lot, the worst, women | No Comments »

Looking Back

December 30th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I was scrolling back through my year, by which I mean pictures on my phone, in preparation for some sort of 2019 Top 9 type post (mine usually become more like Top 81, as I can never pick) and I realized that I was spending much more mental energy obsessing over how thin or not thin I was in the pictures, than I was reveling in my accomplishments / adventures. (The above picture, from Jan 2019, makes me ANGRY, because I think I felt fat? But I am way more cupcake-y, even since then.) Two years of fertility treatments and failed pregnancies and baking and eating and drinking ALL OF MY FEELINGS means I have basically gained the amount of weight one gains when one actually has a baby, yet I currently have no baby to show for it. My jeans are stacked like unread books in my closet. I don’t even look at them anymore. I should be easy on my myself, but it’s hard. I spent my delicate formative years very overweight and hating myself for it, and then MORE formative years jogging and counting and spinning and restricting. It’s hard for me to just accept that my body has changed and that it’s not the end of the world. But, also, it’s not as hard and I thought it might be? Because I know it doesn’t matter as much as I once thought it did. Because I don’t have the space to care? Because I’m basically happy, and well-fed? Because there is a time to worry about how much one’s gut cupcakes when one sits down, and then there is a time for self-care, for self-kindness, for Doritos, for mercy.

Posted in DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!, how interesting, life, the making of babies, whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

NAILS OF MY SOUL

December 16th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

If I were to name the color of the inside of my heart right now EXACTLY, it would be:

Dark of Black, White of Optimism, Gray of the Middle, POLKA DOT ADORABLE TRYING

Posted in things that I Have, trying too hard, whining, women, words, YAY | No Comments »

Me, and how I’m Crazy

December 14th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m taking a break through the holidays from worrying and obsessing about getting pregnant, or at least this is what I’m telling myself, if not shouting at myself. It mostly involves frantic compartmentalization, which makes me very fun at parties. I was at a Christmas party this other night, and a lovely woman who I know socially but not super well, arrived, and my brain immediately did this, in quick succession:

  • There is a new round glow to her face
  • Why is she wearing a baggy sweater
  • IS THAT A SLIGHT BULGE I SEE BENEATH HER SWEATER
  • IT IS, IT IS A BULGE
  • THIS BITCH IS PREGNANT
  • THE ENEMY IS UPON US
  • RUN BEKAH RUN
  • RUN TOWARDS THE NEAREST EXIT
  • DON’T START CRYING UNTIL YOU REACH YOUR CAR
  • DON’T LET ANYONE SEE IN YOUR EYES EVERYTHING THAT JUST HAPPENED
  • PRETEND NONE OF IT HAPPENED
  • RESTORE RESTORE RESTORE
  • AVOID AVOID AVOID
  • CHUG WINE LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW AND NO HUMANS GROWING INSIDE OF YOU BECAUSE THERE ARE NOT

Posted in generally, ha, hmmmmm, holidays, oh nooo, whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

Bekah’s Book Club

September 7th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

At the urging of three separate friends, I started reading this INDEED VERY PAINFULLY BEAUTIFUL book, about the coming of age of a mysterious girl who lives in the Marsh on the North Carolina coast. It’s the kind of book that makes me all day Can’t Wait to go to bed, so I can read it. Not only is it just a great story, it checks two huge Bekah’s Book Club boxes for me, things that I always look for in literature that I might read again, recommend to friends:

1.) Incredibly detailed descriptions of how thin the main girl character is and how strong and skinny she is and how small and firm her breasts are and how ‘taut’ her skin is and how flat her stomach is and how puberty happened like an accident and now her hair is down to her butt and she could wear it like a dress around her taut skin, if she wanted

2.) EQUALLY DETAILED DESCRIPTIONS OF WHAT THE CHARACTER EATS FOR EVERY MEAL, LOTS OF REFERENCES TO CORN BREAD COOLING ON THE STOVE, FRIED CHICKEN, BLACKBERRY COBBLER WITH HARD CREAM; followed immediately by more descriptions of how taut said character still is

Posted in books, fiction, food, generally, ha, Uncategorized, women, YAY | No Comments »

Further and Further Away

August 14th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I don’t so much have Good dreams or Bad Dreams, I have Worry Dreams, with very simple plots that usually involve me trying to get somewhere important, pushing through sand and time to get there, but the destination keeps getting moved to somewhere far. I dream that I’m supposed to have another surgery but I’m tired of Waiting and I’m Hungry so I go to get a Sandwich but I get lost getting back and I can’t find my hospital bed because I swear I only went five minutes away, but it takes hours to get back to it. I’m realizing that all of these dreams are exactly how I feel about still trying to have a baby.  The end keeps getting moved, pushed farther. It’s always nine months away, plus Whatever Time.  I’ve been walking for hundreds of miles dragging my rolling suitcase full of stones but the Gate has changed, I swear it was There but then it’s Not. Meanwhile I can hear and see everyone, already there. They’re laughing with their toddlers, it’s a picnic, there’s face paint and wading pools and games and chicken nuggets, vats of Annie’s Mac n Cheese, they’re all waiting. Where’s Bekah? It’s so easy to get here. We’ve been here for years. Maybe she’s not coming. And I’m screaming at them, I’m coming, I’m trying, don’t leave, I’m almost there! But they can’t hear me, because as I’m screaming, they’ve moved to another planet, a million miles further away.

Posted in a lot, life, love, the future, the making of babies, what my friends are doing, whining, women, words, worrying | No Comments »

Say Goodbye to These, Michael

August 11th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Sometimes you make a cake for a friend because she’s managed to stay alive X amount of years, and it’s the yearly commemoration of her birth, and sometimes you make her a cake because she’s  getting a double Mastectomy to prevent the spread of her cancer, so that she can be MORE alive, and for longer. My LA little sister Mackenzie has been facing this whole thing head on with HUMOR AND GRACE, ie, she threw a White Girl Witch farewell party for her breasts, featuring an actual rack of lamb and performances by her close friends, staged readings of earnest scenes from the Bachelor, stand-up, song and dance — all formed around this Arrested Development favorite:

Now that she’s safely on the other side of her surgery, I have to share the Lemon Cream Cheese cake that I put all of my love and worry  into. I offered a boob cake, Mack requested that the cake ‘maybe not look like an actual boob, but maybe have…boob WRITING on it?’ PLEASE NOTE THE LITTLE EYEBALL CANDIES THAT ARE MEANT TO TASTEFULLY LOOK LIKE BOOBS.

But mostly I have to share how proud of and in awe I am of this woman. Her ability to laugh at everything and anything. The fact that in the days leading up to her surgery, she was working on pitching her next show and got two job offers. Here’s to so many more years with her, more themed tragedy parties, more inflatable props.

 

Posted in a lot, CAKES, family, food, i am lucky, life, love, the future, what my friends are doing, women, YAY | No Comments »

BOOK A CLOWN

August 1st, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m back in town, prepping and getting my head in the game for some upcoming IVF hullabaloo, which means blood draws and needle parties and Google panics and that I just bought 47 pounds of Kale but all I can think about is Wine. MOST IMPORTANTLY, while researching things One can Do to Pretend to be in Control of One’s life While undergoing IVF, I stumbled across this gem nugget of advice:

SO HEADS UP MORRISON WILL BE SPENDING THE NEXT TWO MONTHS PREPPING HIS TIGHT FIVE AS AN IVF CLOWN / JOKE PITCHES WELCOME.

 

Posted in generally, ha, life, love, MAWWAGE., the making of babies, whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

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