bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

VERY SUBTLE, GOD

March 10th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Last night I found myself in a not unfamiliar and very overdramatic place, a place I like to hang out in basically after each of my plays debuts in New York —   spiraling about my ability to write, wondering if I would ever do it again. I decided to look for more bad Cake reviews, searching for confirmation that I am, in fact, a shallow hack that should go crawl under a couch and or / go back to customer service. AND WHAT, YOU ASK,  DID I FIND? I suddenly have a  Wikipedia Page . A long and thorough wikipedia page, with  a section for Early Works. A page that includes not one but quotes from ALL of my bad Times reviews, but still, a page that steps through my whole career thus far, from overwritten one acts in festivals to TV awards nominations, my marriage to actor Morrison Keddie (my favorite part.) And I remembered that every time I feel for the tiniest of moments that I can’t do it anymore, that it’s all been a lie, that I am the empress really wearing no clothes at all — I get some little sign to keep going. The timing is always so sharp, it always feels as if I’ve written it. HI, SIGN. THANKS FOR THE NUDGE.

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, the future, the writing of drama plays, theater, trying too hard, wanting, whining, YAY | No Comments »

flu thought

March 2nd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • Takes hot bath to relieve flu symptoms
  • accidentally stays in hot bath for like a very very long time
  • once out of bath, decides to check temperature to see if it’s still going down
  • SEES THAT TEMPERATURE HAS GONE UP
  • CONVINCES SELF THAT IT’S NOT FLU, IT’S DEATH
  • GOOGLES DEATH
  • REMEMBERS THAT WE JUST SPENT THE LAST 45 MINUTES SUBMERGED IN HOT WATER
  • WONDERS WHY WE ARE SUDDENLY REFERRING TO SELF AS WE
  • FALLS BACK ASLEEP

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, whining | No Comments »

CAREFULLY LAID PLANS ARE HILARIOUS

February 28th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Came back to NYC to see Cake one last time before press week, catch up with some friends,  have some meetings,  workshop my next play which is in THE MOST DIRE NEED OF WORK before it goes up in June; but Once I landed, I DECIDED*  TO GET THE FLU INSTEAD BECAUSE THAT JUST SEEMED MORE FUN

* WAS FORCED BY LAUGHING GODS OF TIME; IMMUNE SYSTEM

Posted in ....ew, a lot, whining, working, worrying | No Comments »

Come back

February 15th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Dear the two People who walked out during my play:

Was it something I said, or didn’t say? What is it something I did?

Is it just me? Or did you just have to pee?

Were you just hungry?

Do you want to be followed? Should I follow you?

Should I follow you home and into your house? Should I ask you to show me your heart?

Should I lean in while you show me?

Should I then get up abruptly and leave?

Would you follow me?

Posted in hmmmmm, the writing of drama plays, theater, whining, worrying | No Comments »

Today’s Wound

February 4th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

When life gives you so many things to think about, so many that when you’re zesting a lemon to make lemon olive oil cake for the Super Bowl Party as if that’s a thing people bring to Super Bowl parties, even though but really you should be writing, so distracted you are by the endless possibilities of infinite choices that you ZEST PART OF YOUR FINGER OFF into the batter, MAKE LEMON FINGER BREAD (?)

Posted in baking, food, ha, whining | No Comments »

Patterns

January 25th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me: I know that the way I’m thinking about this is Crazy —

Therapist: Let’s not call it ‘Crazy.’ Let’s call it…..’Consistent with your Patterns.’

Me:…WHICH ARE CRAZY?

Therapist:…which are your Patterns.

Me: But are my Patterns weird? I mean, are they normal?

Therapist: ….They are your Patterns.

Me: Now I’m worried about my patterns and feeling guilty for having them. Wait, am I doing the Patterns right now?

Therapist: Yep.

Me: I FEEL SO CONSISTENT WITH THEM

Posted in a lot, ha, hmmmmm, how interesting, i am a grown up, whining | No Comments »

moments of

January 17th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Lately, on our leisurely (tumultuous) casual (I cry every five minutes) journey towards parenthood, it feels like we can’t seem to get any just like fully good normal news that would give us (me, because Morrison is the best and already has it) confidence that all of this will end well. Through it all, I’m trying my best to stay positive and hopeful and gracious and grateful and present and humble, and grumble and gratesent and posiful. BUT.  I think that  maintaining gratitude and grace in every single moment of one’s life is unattainable, if not completely psychotic. Perpetually positive people are scary and make way too much eye contact. Instead, I think that if you can make it through the day with just a few MOMENTS of grace, a few MOMENTS of actual gratitude and calm, even if you return immediately to a state of jealous rage triggered by YET ANOTHER  PICTURE OF MEGHAN MARKLE EARNESTLY TOUCHING HER BABY BUMP, THEN I SAY YOU ARE DOING LIFE RIGHT.

Posted in famous people stuff, i am lucky, whining, worrying | No Comments »

HOW TO SLEEP

January 13th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • Start worrying about 4 PM about how you didn’t sleep enough last night and so tonight you really must sleep
  • Focus on how tired you are and convince yourself that surely, this means that tonight, YOU WILL SLEEP
  • Have a few glasses of wine to definitely ensure definite amounts of (not real but the appearances of real) sleep
  • Have a cup of Herbal Detox tea right before bed to trick your body into thinking you DIDN’T just drink wine to make yourself sleep
  • Go to Bed
  • LIE AWAKE IN BED FOR HOURS, YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN LESS TIRED OR MORE AWAKE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
  • Sleep for five minutes
  • Spiral all the next day, contemplate your sleep problems while sleep-working
  • casually Look at tea
  • REALIZE THAT TEA HAS CAFFEINE, YOU IDIOT
  • MAYBE A TEENY TINY AMOUNT BUT STILL
  • RESOLVE TO NOT DRINK CAFFEINE RIGHT BEFORE BED
  • SLEEP

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, whining | No Comments »

it’s always right there

December 18th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’ve escaped to Idyllwild, CA for a few days to finally figure out my $&%^#(@* EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE latest play that I can’t seem to crack. Play after Play, it really only takes a two hour drive and a few forced conversations with sweet old women who work in stores that sell bedazzled rabbit belt buckles, and maybe an aribtrary purchase of a blanket scarf to hide / live in — and suddenly, my brain is a bit more clear, and suddenly the profound playwriting thoughts come. Sure, once I’m back at home I realize they weren’t so much ‘profound thoughts’  as they were, say, ‘thoughts,’ but it always feels good to feel and share them. And so, humor me. Today I’m thinking about how, whenever I can’t figure out a character or a scene or plot point — THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS the truth. It’s never something funnier, more exciting, more unexpected — it’s just always the truth. And my favorite thing about the truth is that it’s always there. OKAY, BACK TO SCARF HOME.

Posted in hmmmmm, how interesting, the writing of drama plays, whining | No Comments »

it Has to be Hard

December 4th, 2018 by Bekah Brunstetter

At some point, early on in our relationship, Morrison and I were discussing something that I of course can’t recall. It went something like:

Morrison: I’m loving how easy this element of our combined life and / or relationship is.

Me: Yeah but sometimes, it has to be Hard. 

And ever since, he likes to repeat my own words back to me, when it in fact gets Hard, because of course, sometimes it does. I think what I was trying to say is that I didn’t want to feel like we were just in a relationship because it was easy. I wanted us to choose to be together, despite the Hard stuff. And for the last year,  there has been some Hard stuff. I mean, also the good stuff, like there is House and Family and Most Perfect Cat, there are blessings of Intellect, Careers, Curiosity, and Christmas Lights, and good lord, don’t get me started on microwavable breakfast sausage. But also: we want to be parents, and we are not. (YET.) And that has been Hard. Not knowing why not has been Hard, waiting has been Hard, watching it happen for other people has been Hard.  Yesterday, I underwent a (very routine) procedure (that I will try very hard not to be overdramatic about)  to correct some issues that turns out have been, well, making it Hard for us to conceive (THANK YOU, SCIENCE. MEDICINE? SCIENCE. I DON’T KNOW. I WRITE PLAYS.) And now, on the other side of it, we’re hopeful that 2019 will make us parents, rob us of sleep, turn our home into a teething ring, and other beautifully Hard things that I will surely complain about, PERHAPS EVEN HERE.  And I really can’t wait for that Hard stuff. Because, I mean, a wise Bekah once said, not really realizing what she was saying, or that it would echo through her heart for years to come: IT HAS TO BE HARD. I know for a fact that whenever a small person takes over my body and subsequently, our home, I will appreciate it harder, because it was Hard. So I’m just going to focus, Hard, on that fact.

 

Posted in a dream is a wish your heart makes, a lot, babies, life, love, MAWWAGE., the future, whining, women, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

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