bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

But what does it Mean

May 23rd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

As a proud 23 percent Ashkenazi Jew, Let me first be clear, I DO NOT THINK  THAT RECURRENT MISCARRIAGES EQUALS THE HOLOCAUST, but I’ve been thinking a lot about Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning as I process all of this. In moments of frustration and despair I keep getting really still, sitting there, waiting for it all to mean something. I sit and squint and try and feel and know what this all Means. But Meaning doesn’t come until later, days or months or years later, when you look back and realize what you’ve gained. AGAIN, Recurrent Pregnancy loss NOT being the Holocaust, but I imagine that Viktor pieced his thoughts and experiences together largely AFTER the camp. When you’re in it, all there is to do is feel it, while quietly inside of you, ravines are forming, leading to Somewhere. ONE DAY IT WILL MAKE A BEAUTIFUL MAP.

 

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Crying while Talking

May 16th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I AM FINE, I am moving, as they say, THROUGH the pain, never under or under, but — I’ve been doing a fair amount of Crying lately, a lot of it while Talking, and I HAVE SOME NOTES FOR MYSELF. When I try and talk while crying, my voice gets really high like a cartoon bell, like it’s being sucked back into my throat while I try and push the words out. The sadder the words make me, the higher my voice gets, and the further it disappears up my throat and out my ears, a raspy gummy bear begging not to be eaten. I want to cry while talking like they do on the TV.  Strong, composed, steady, a solid and controlled voice, with tears coming rhythmically one, two, three. I want to speak in full sentences while crying, I want to say profound things while crying, I want to win the SAG award for Crying While Talking, I want to keep talking through all of these tears.

Posted in a lot, the future, the making of babies, the worst, whining, women, words, YAY | No Comments »

Color Therapy (?)

May 13th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

My shirt is yellow, THEREFORE,  I will have a good day and a positive outlook and my dreams will come true and the worst case scenarios will only play out in my mind and fertile unicorns will shit rainbows of optimism and fresh babies on my head (?)/ GOOD THING I AM NOT WEARING BLACK (?)

Posted in a lot, optimism, sucking, the future, the making of babies, the worst, what i am NOT wearing, what I'm wearing, whining | No Comments »

WOE IS NOT YOU

April 29th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I tend to have way too much empathy for people who perhaps don’t deserve it. In the secret parts of my head, I oftentimes empathize with bigots and murderers and terrorists and people who pee on toilet seats.  But so help me God, I can find NONE EMPATHY for women who are having a hard time conceiving their EIGHT MILLIONTH CHILD, as I so desperately just want ONE. I want to empathize, so bad, as it’s under the same umbrella of sadness that I’ve felt, but even attempting to do so gets me so angry. And so when reading the abyss that is Pregnancy Internet, and I come across a ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me my other nine children are perfectly healthy and I got pregnant with each of them just by drinking a Beer looking at my husband That Way and NOW I CAN’T SEEM TO HAVE MY NINTH CHILD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME’ I feel the opposite of empathy, which is Stab (AND YES, PLEASE NOTE THAT I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO ASK FOR YOUR PITY IF AND WHEN I, AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE, HAVE TROUBLE CONCEIVING A CHILD WHEN I ALREADY HAVE ONE, AT WHICH POINT YOU CAN RE-DIRECT ME TO THIS POST.)

Posted in a lot, babies, I am furious, i am scared, i have peace, whining, women | No Comments »

WHY TO BE CRAZY

April 15th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’ll admit that maybe I spend TOO much time in my head playing out worst case scenarios, versions of the world in which things go badly because you did not meticulously plan.  Planning is, or least sometimes can be,  the opposite of Disaster. And so when I heard that we were having our last Charleston meal at Hominy Grill — a fixture known for its fried green tomatoes and sausage gravy — on the SECOND TO LAST WEEKEND BEFORE IT CLOSES FOREVER — naturally, I panicked, assumed that we would never get a table and would have to stand outside of the restaurant in the heat with no water and or bathroom and our life-long friendships would be ruined and we would starve to death and never see our husbands or children ever again. AND SO, I insisted that we get there at LEAST 30 minutes before it opened, at which point I did a drop and roll out of the moving car to the hostess’s stand. The courtyard was already crowded with other like minded people who approach eating at Restaurants like tactical warfare. I shouted my name triumphantly at her, panicked when Blaine and Carrie took over two minutes to return from  parking the car, then hovered by the hostess with a racing heart, assuming she would call my name and I would not hear it.

THE RESULT?

Fried Green Tomatoes with House Ranch

Pork belly black eyed Pea cakes with tomato cumin sauce and poached eggs

HOMEMADE OATMEAL CREME PIES

WHO’S CRAZY NOW?!

(ME /  IT’S STILL ME /  IT WAS ME THE WHOLE TIME)

Posted in food, generally, ha, whining, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

HUGE LIFE NEWS

April 7th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I finally realized something, perhaps 15 years too late: When I (inadvertently or…vertently?) hurt or piss someone off, and I realize that this has happened, and I then spiral with guilt and shame over having hurt or pissed them off — IT IS NOT  THIS PERSON’S JOB TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT FEELING BAD ABOUT HAVING HURT OR PISSED THEM OFF. Thusly, all grown persons are responsible for their own actions, their own feelings, their own beds and lunches and cars, and if you feel bad about your actions, you are perhaps meant to just sit in that. IT’S UNCOMFORTABLE FOR A REASON. Stay tuned for other profound life lessons you’ve never heard of like ‘Try not to steal things’ and ‘Don’t murder.’

Posted in ha, hmmmmm, silly, whining | No Comments »

Have you been taking your Prenatal Vitamins

March 28th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Kind, well, intentioned doctor: So, have you been taking your Prenatal Vitamins?

Me: Are you serious?

Doctor:….Yes?

(A TRAGIC, TRIUMPHANT SONG OF LES MISERABLES PROPORTIONS BEGINS. I stand on the table, wearing nothing but paper. I start to sing.)

Me:

YES

I HAVE BEEN TAKING THEM FOR YEARS

MADAM, I AM A PRENATAL VITAMIN

I BLEED FISH OIL AND FOLIC ACID!

MADAM, I TAKE THEM DAILY, BLINDLY, MERCILESSLY, 

SOMETIMES I JUST EAT THEM AS SNACKSSSSSSSS!!!!

(Calmly, I sit back down on the table.)

Doctor: Okay, well. Keep on taking them.

Me: WILL DO.

 

Posted in a lot, food, generally, ha, hmmmmm, the making of babies, whining, women | No Comments »

VERY SUBTLE, GOD

March 10th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Last night I found myself in a not unfamiliar and very overdramatic place, a place I like to hang out in basically after each of my plays debuts in New York —   spiraling about my ability to write, wondering if I would ever do it again. I decided to look for more bad Cake reviews, searching for confirmation that I am, in fact, a shallow hack that should go crawl under a couch and or / go back to customer service. AND WHAT, YOU ASK,  DID I FIND? I suddenly have a  Wikipedia Page . A long and thorough wikipedia page, with  a section for Early Works. A page that includes not one but quotes from ALL of my bad Times reviews, but still, a page that steps through my whole career thus far, from overwritten one acts in festivals to TV awards nominations, my marriage to actor Morrison Keddie (my favorite part.) And I remembered that every time I feel for the tiniest of moments that I can’t do it anymore, that it’s all been a lie, that I am the empress really wearing no clothes at all — I get some little sign to keep going. The timing is always so sharp, it always feels as if I’ve written it. HI, SIGN. THANKS FOR THE NUDGE.

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, hmmmmm, the future, the writing of drama plays, theater, trying too hard, wanting, whining, YAY | No Comments »

flu thought

March 2nd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

  • Takes hot bath to relieve flu symptoms
  • accidentally stays in hot bath for like a very very long time
  • once out of bath, decides to check temperature to see if it’s still going down
  • SEES THAT TEMPERATURE HAS GONE UP
  • CONVINCES SELF THAT IT’S NOT FLU, IT’S DEATH
  • GOOGLES DEATH
  • REMEMBERS THAT WE JUST SPENT THE LAST 45 MINUTES SUBMERGED IN HOT WATER
  • WONDERS WHY WE ARE SUDDENLY REFERRING TO SELF AS WE
  • FALLS BACK ASLEEP

Posted in a lot, generally, ha, whining | No Comments »

CAREFULLY LAID PLANS ARE HILARIOUS

February 28th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Came back to NYC to see Cake one last time before press week, catch up with some friends,  have some meetings,  workshop my next play which is in THE MOST DIRE NEED OF WORK before it goes up in June; but Once I landed, I DECIDED*  TO GET THE FLU INSTEAD BECAUSE THAT JUST SEEMED MORE FUN

* WAS FORCED BY LAUGHING GODS OF TIME; IMMUNE SYSTEM

Posted in ....ew, a lot, whining, working, worrying | No Comments »

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