bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

waste of time

December 17th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I just suddenly found myself  with 45 minutes with nothing to Do, and instead of Doing something, like ONE thing, I tried to do seventeen things, and now it’s minute 44 and all I can show for it are these sentences that stand in for Thing accomplished, but what even are they but tiny boxes checked that weren’t even there to begin with?

Posted in a lot, whining | No Comments »

trickle down bekahnomics

December 4th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

A math problem:

Q. Bekah has five forty minute lunch breaks each week to  read about and try and understand the madness that is the proposed tax bill. Since Bekah is a slow and easily distracted reader who cannot get through a paragraph of an article without having a memory or a future thought or wondering if there might be a play about it, Bekah can read 1.5 articles per lunch break. How many lunch breaks spent reading about taxes will it take for Bekah to REALIZE THAT SHE HAS IN FACT OVERPAID THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS ON HER OWN PROPERTY TAXES?

A. ONE. THIS PARTICULAR LUNCH BREAK RIGHT NOW.

Posted in I hate money, a lot, whining | No Comments »

bekah longbutt

December 1st, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

While some girls butts are like little festive cupcakes on bakery counters, short like catch phrases, mine is like a run on sentence or maybe like a floor pillow that can hold multiple people.  Fortunately, there are Products designed for this. Not only did I get us a toilet with an ‘elongated seat’ for our new bathroom, I now have acquired jeans with a ‘a ten inch rise’ which is overpriced denim speak for ‘jeans that can hang with your long, long butt as it searches for the end to its thought, as it extends past time zones and ankles.’   *Note: pictured jeans are about 1/10th the size of my actual jeans on my actual butt. And also whatever you do, do not do a google image search for long butts.

Posted in what I'm wearing, whining, women, words | No Comments »

french women don’t get fat (?)

November 26th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I found this book on the floor of Mack’s car, and like most things found in friend’s cars I decided to MAKE IT MINE.  Apparently when she was in high school this was THE diet book, which is to say, when you go to high school in LA, there is more than one diet book. I don’t think diet books were a thing in NC high school, like at all.  It was more like, INTERMITTENTLY CONSUME AS MANY CLOVE CIGARETTES AND WENDY’S FRIED CHICKEN SANDWICHES AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. But I’m giving this one a read in my adult life. The charming french writer, who also runs Veuve Cliquot Champagne, claims that American women get and stay fat because they eat standing up, exercise manically without intention, and deny themselves their pleasures so aggressively that they end up face deep in a bowl of cake batter. French women, comparably, indulge their pleasures, never over do it, don’t work out, but instead walk and take in the world, eat bread and cheese and wine mindfully. American women talk and think obsessively about weight loss, while French women have more brain space and conversation space to actually engage in ideas OKAY WE GET IT, THE FRENCH, YOU’RE BETTER THAN US. But  as much as I want to deep fry this woman and dip her in ranch as she tells me about her whimsical childhood filled with loose teas and baguettes, I do think there’s value to her theory. A lot. I want more space in my brain. I want mornings gazing out the window and bread with dinner. I want pleasure and pinot noir and tiny pats of butter. JE VEUX ETRE FRANCAIS. Or Frances. I would also settle for just being Frances.

Posted in a lot, food, generally, hmmmmm, whining, women | No Comments »

sup, bra?

November 13th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

For reasons I will surely spend the rest of my life trying to understand, my bra somehow just undid itself under my shirt. Working theories:

- my bra is a twelve year old boy

- somewhere on the Paramount Lot, there is an invisible twelve year old boy

- I am actually a twelve  year old boy

Posted in YAY, hmmmmm, what I'm wearing, what i am NOT wearing, whining | No Comments »

Dust

November 12th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

We can’t quite sleep in our new place yet, as it’s still quite covered in dust from the ongoing renovations, and I’m allergic to dust, so we gladly spent the night in a vaguely European hotel in Glendale where I’m pretty sure amateur porn producers house new girls when the fly in from Tampa. All of this to say, I am allergic to dust.  Reflecting on it now, is that not the lamest allergy there ever was? And isn’t EVERYONE allergic to dust? Isn’t it just like being allergic to clouds or periods at the end of sentences? I’ve known it since I went to the allergist when I was ten-ish and the doctor walked in on my putting my shirt back on. I learned three things that day: shame,  that my dust allergy was mild but persistent, and that I am BASICALLY THE MOST BASIC PERSON THAT HAS EVER LIVED.

Posted in YAY, memories, silly, whining | No Comments »

detox tea, or how I met my intestines

November 5th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

I am truly ashamed that I had to learn this the hard way, but turns out, the skinny people on instagram are simply HOLDING the cleansing teas, and probably not actually using them. I tried a detox tea friday night, and what followed, and what continues to follow, is ME GREETING EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER CONSUMED OVER THE LAST EIGHT YEARS OF MY LIFE, NOT JUST FOOD BUT ALSO FEELINGS AND IDEAS,  AS THEY EXIT ALL PARTS OF MY BODY. Last night it left me vulnerable, weak,  sobbing at a Huggie’s Newborn commercial. While I’d love to report that I woke up today with a Bikini Body, I mostly woke up today with hot rocks somehow buried deep in my back, and a regret so steeped in self consciousness I might have to do another cleanse just to get rid of it JK NEVER CLEANSE AGAIN

Posted in ....ew, a lot, whining, women | No Comments »

furniture shopping for drunks

November 4th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Furniture salesperson: This couch features crypton fabric. You can spill anything on it, and it just beads up, then you wipe it off with a rag! It’s resistant to everything!

Me:….even wine?

Furniture salesperson:Yep! Even wine.

Me: So….I can accidentally spill an entire glass of red wine all over it and it will be totally fine?

Furniture salesperson: Yep!

Me: I’LL TAKE IT! / CALLS APPLE STORE, ASKS IF COMPUTERS AND ALSO PHONES COME IN CRYPTON

Posted in YAY, i am a grown up, things, things that I Have, tout, trying too hard, whining, worrying | No Comments »

prom / prom

October 27th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today, on sacred things found while packing:

What I was probably supposed to look like at my senior prom:

What I actually looked like:

Posted in DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!, YAY, awesome, memories, what I'm wearing, whining, women | No Comments »

Camera Ready Playwright

October 25th, 2017 by Bekah Brunstetter

Asking a playwright to show up for a photo shoot camera ready is like asking a model to show up to a photoshoot with a  journal full of profound haiku and short plays, which is to say, OF COURSE SOME MODELS ALSO WRITE POETRY AND OF COURSE SOME PLAYWRIGHTS KNOW HOW TO MAKE THEMSELVES ATTRACTIVE / LET’S NOT PUT PEOPLE IN BOXES, but personally, I do NOT know how to contour my face or find my light, so I will be showing up like the conventional playwright, which is to say, camera AFRAID.

Posted in YAY, a lot, the writing of drama plays, theater, whining, women | No Comments »

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