DID YOU WANT TO TAKE THE 405 TO THE AIRPORT THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING? GREAT SO DID EVERYONE ALSO ELSE.
Last night when the unfortunate Darren Wilson verdict was determined was, among many things, a fascinating study of Facebook: 90% of Facebook was rage against the verdict, 5% was LOOK AT THIS PUPPY and SHOULD I GET THIS PHONE and COME SEE MY PLAY and then 5% was rage against the people who were NOT posting about the verdict. We are meant to care. We should care. Of course it matters. But has Facebook become a place where we must PROVE that we care? Shout through our fingers that we care? If that is the case, then I am a fairly one note, shallow person obsessed with volcanoes and pictures of my friends and the things that I write. Is this true, or do I just keep the things that enrage me in a separate place? Also, there is this tendency in me to not want to express rage when I don’t feel like I know the entirety of a situation. And how, I mean really HOW, do we ever really know ANYTHING? Is that a Cop out, or the truth? But no, really, I can’t believe it’s at the point that #blacklivesmatter is a thing right now, that that must be said. Really? LIVES Matter. LIVES. All of the lives. All of them. This is sad. That we need that reminder at all. Rage OUT.
Instead of raging against and hating on this food poisoning, I will instead say THANK YOU, perfectly timed pre- Thanksgiving food poisoning, for ensuring that I am 100% empty so that I can thoroughly fill myself with ALL OF THE STUFFING IN TEXAS come Thursday. THANKSPOISONING!
From like 1992-2000, EVERY CHRISTMAS, I made my grandparents a calendar, marked with the birthdays of all of their kids and grandkids, and most importantly, with drawings for each month. I remember making them with the same determined mania and obsessive multi-tasking that I currently still live and work by. I remember neglecting friends or friend, and sitting in my room, determined and drawing, or putting on the finishing touches as we drove up to Maryland for Thanksgiving, where I would always deliver them. They just sent them to me for safe-keeping which made me A.) happy to have and touch and laugh at them and B.) sad because it was a soft reminder of their impending mortality. I’ve decided to present some of the highlights here, month by month. First up, naturally, NOVEMBERS! in which my dark comedic impulses start to THRIVE:
TURKEYS EATING A HUMAN FOR THANKSGIVING:
AND TURKEY PROTESTING THE SALE OF TURKEY AT THE GROCERY STORE:
Today, on I will blog everyday til I die as if my own life depended in it, I have FOOD POISONING! See you in hell, questionable salami from last night! I also have a very sweet and wonderful man friend who has been plying me with Gatorade and laughing at me affectionately when I declare with great authority that I’m pretty sure I have Ebola. I can’t so much move or eat, but I CAN BLOG. THIS TOOK ME 47 MINUTES TO WRITE BUT WELL, HERE IT IS. Insert profound thing about how sometimes our bodies force us to slow down. Okay we good? Great! VOMZ
A more thorough summary of my 24 hour plays experience, or, that time I peed after Jennifer Aniston, forthcoming once I can grab a series of moments, but in the meantime, I walked the red carpet (which technically, sometimes, is not red, not at all) for the first and potentially last time in my life. People with cameras were literally shouting at me, BEKAH! OVER HERE! , and suddenly, so suddenly, some episode of America’s Next Top Model I watched in 2007 or perhaps years of People Magazines who wore it best consumed in various dental offices throughout my life surged through my head, and before I knew it, I was posing like a boss. Here I am with the CEO of Urban Arts, Phillip Courtney:
I only fell over a little bit and only once, and did not say anything unfortunate or profane! FIRST RED CARPET: SUCCESS! GUESS WHO WORE IT BEST: IT WAS ME.
Madewell is my most favorite store. I will do and wear whatever they tell me to wear and do. I don’t even care. Baaaaaaa. I will follow them off a cliff wearing my professor boyfriend’s leftover clothes that have been perfectly tailored to me while I plunge to my conformists’ death. They have released a new outfit that you are meant to wear WHILE SHOPPING AT MADEWELL. Only one question remains: WHAT DO YOU WEAR WHILE SHOPPING IN MADEWELL TO BUY SAID SHOPPING OUTFIT? Oh, other things from madewell? Okay, well fine.
I HAVE NOT FULLY SLEPT IN THREE DAYS! BUT URBAN ARTS IS SOMETHING LIKE $100K closer to the $250K they need to raise to get their full 3 MILLION DOLLAR GOVT. GRANT and I am honored to have assisted in any way shape or form with thatfallsasleepunderdesk.
I have been running around like an insane person all day, making a play for broadway, I have had seven coffees, I have underwear in my purse, I am running through the rain with half straightened hair, I can’t find wireless, my computer is shoved with my airplane clothes for my 6 am flight home somewhere in the theater, possibly adjacent to Jay Pharoah and a tray of old sandwiches, and yet, still I must blog. I BLOG SO THAT I AM HERE. I’M HERE MOM, I AM HERE!