bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY

Me, and how I’m Crazy

December 14th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’m taking a break through the holidays from worrying and obsessing about getting pregnant, or at least this is what I’m telling myself, if not shouting at myself. It mostly involves frantic compartmentalization, which makes me very fun at parties. I was at a Christmas party this other night, and a lovely woman who I know socially but not super well, arrived, and my brain immediately did this, in quick succession:

  • There is a new round glow to her face
  • Why is she wearing a baggy sweater
  • IS THAT A SLIGHT BULGE I SEE BENEATH HER SWEATER
  • IT IS, IT IS A BULGE
  • THIS BITCH IS PREGNANT
  • THE ENEMY IS UPON US
  • RUN BEKAH RUN
  • RUN TOWARDS THE NEAREST EXIT
  • DON’T START CRYING UNTIL YOU REACH YOUR CAR
  • DON’T LET ANYONE SEE IN YOUR EYES EVERYTHING THAT JUST HAPPENED
  • PRETEND NONE OF IT HAPPENED
  • RESTORE RESTORE RESTORE
  • AVOID AVOID AVOID
  • CHUG WINE LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW AND NO HUMANS GROWING INSIDE OF YOU BECAUSE THERE ARE NOT

Posted in generally, ha, hmmmmm, holidays, oh nooo, whining, women, YAY | No Comments »

IT’S AN EGGNOG LIFE FOR ME

December 12th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

IT’S A (LITE) EGGNOG LIFE FOR ME

INSTEAD OF DRINKING COFFEE AND / OR WATER LIKE A REGULAR PERSON TO EITHER HYDRATE OR CAFFEINATE MYSELF I DRINK THIS

WHICH IS EXACTLY LIKE SLURPING DOWN A CUP FULL OF CHRISTMAS FROSTING THAT’S BEEN LEFT OUT IN THE SUN

Posted in ....ew, holidays, Uncategorized, YAY | No Comments »

I gave Birth

December 10th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I just realized a few days ago that at one point in time, I would’ve been about to have a baby, as our last pregnancy was due on Christmas Eve. I’m actually quite shocked that I forgot this, as I DO love to torture myself with sad facts. But instead of a baby, Christmas 2019 will be the Christmas I had a Santa Play:

South Coast Repertory commissioned me last year, and I immediately knew I wanted it to be a Christmas play. Enter one Christmas issue of Our State Magazine sent to me by One Jodie Brunstetter, featuring an article about all of the different kinds of people who end up playing Santa, and the Ancient Order of Real Bearded Santas — about the friendships in support group slash union for Santas — was conceived, in my brain. At this point, I will DROP the conception / child birth = playwriting metaphors, and just reflect on the fact that my plays really do bring me great comfort. They distract me, make me feel productive; they’re jars for all of my feelings. South Coast hosted a reading of the play last night, and not only did I get to hear it out loud for the first time with incredible actors (Michael McShane and Joe Spano, JUST TO NAME A FEW) but I ALSO GOT TO MEET ACTUAL SANTA:

Technically this is Santa True, a storyteller Santa who’s been helping me with my research, whom I named the main character after — But YOU GUYS, PRETTY SURE IT’S ALL A COVER ACT, AND HE IS HIM, AS LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE COULD BE SUCH A PERFECT SANTA IN EVERY PICTURE TAKEN OF HIM.

Posted in a dream is a wish your heart makes, a lot, famous people stuff, holidays, horn tooting, how interesting, i am a grown up, the making of babies, the writing of drama plays, theater | No Comments »

Clarence Claus

December 8th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Today on things that make me happy: A few years back, an African American couple in North Carolina found that there was no wrapping paper that allowed their son to see himself at Christmastime, AND SO THEY INVENTED CLARENCE CLAUS:

I WILL BE WRAPPING ALL PRESENTS THIS SEASON IN CLARENCE CLAUS, IF NOT MYSELF. Peruse and purchase at http://www.greentopgifts.com!

Posted in holidays, YAY | No Comments »

Winter Sky

December 6th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

One my favorite things about LA winters other than pretending to be cold and actually being cold and fake snow titling about giant outdoor shopping pavilions are the SUNSETS. Starting at around 4 PM, it begins, and for the next 1.5 hours, the sky does its monologues,

And we all tuck into our ranch houses, cuddle our avocados, and listen.

Posted in i am lucky, where i want to live | No Comments »

Private Life

December 4th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

I’ve been avoiding this movie on Netflix for MONTHS. It’s about a couple struggling to have a baby by really any means necessary: IUI, IVF, egg donation, adoption, baby theft. It gets deep into the weeds of the obsession and frustration and heartbreak and madness and mania of infertility. People keep telling me to watch it, but I’ve avoided it, as I didn’t want to have my own feelings shouted back at me. But I finally succumbed and I’m so very happy I did, because if you’re going to go through something trying, there is really nothing better than Kathryn Hahn and Paul Giamatti reflecting your own experiences back to you, and making it all funnier and more profound than it could ever be in your own life. If you’re out there, and for some reason you’re like I haven’t experienced infertility, but Gosh I’d sure like to know what it’s like in Bekah’s head right now and / or what it’s like to get shots in your ass every day and crunch fistfuls of multi-vitamins in hopes they’ll make it down to my eggs THIS MOVIE IS FOR YOU. (It’s for everyone else, too. It’s just very, very good.)

Posted in le film, the making of babies | No Comments »

Next Play

December 2nd, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

Last night, while rambling about how much I love broccoli and how I prepared the broccoli for our dinner because I am just an incredibly interesting person who is very fun to be around, Morrison informed me that broccoli is in fact a man-made vegetable. Having assumed my whole life that I knew this vegetable that I loved ever so, I was AGHAST. I went straight to the internet, by which I mean, I literally googled ‘The history of broccoli,’ where I found:

Broccoli, botanically known as Brassica oleracea italica, is native to the Mediterranean. It was engineered from a cabbage relative by the Etruscans—an ancient Italian civilization who lived in what is now Tuscany—who were considered to be horticultural geniuses.

What is a horticultural genius? How does one turn a cabbage into broccoli? WHO WERE THE ETRUSCANS? NEXT PLAY? FIRST CAKE, THEN BROCCOLI? SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF

Posted in food, generally, ha, history, hmmmmm, YAY | No Comments »

Fresh Out

November 30th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

This Thanksgiving / Holiday season, I’ve noted a fun new festive quality in myself: COMPLETE AND UTTER VOID OF PATIENCE TO VIOLENT AND SOBBING DEGREES. While we were at Leatherwood, a mixup with our bank led to our mortgage payment not going through, and I had to wait, you know, 24 hours to be able to call them and sort it out, and so naturally, I lost my mind and I’m pretty sure I threw my phone on the floor. Last night, flying back to LA, my stupid entertainment screen did not work, nor did the internet, and so I slammed up my tray table and made sure Morrison and the entire airplane knew that my screen was not working, and it just wasn’t fair, because everyone else’s screens were working, and so MY screen should be working, WHY does everyone else get to watch a Seth Rogan movie while I have to sit in screaming airplane silence? (I should note that Morrison traded seats with me, because he is the best, and completely fine with the fact that he married a tall Baby. I then, you know. Watched a movie, as was my HUMAN RIGHT.) Obviously these big baby tantrums have nothing to do with money, or mortgage, or transfers, or movies, or air, and completely everything to do with my overall frustration with inability to control our baby quest, despite all of my attempts to do so. Here’s the hard truth I’ve learned, that I am still learning: you can have all of the money and doctors and access in the world, and it still doesn’t mean you will have a baby. Surely, it helps, it gets you closer, and I am so grateful everyday for our ability to throw money at this. But still: there is no guarantee, ever. And oftentimes, there is nothing to do but Wait, to sit with yourself, accept where you are, stew in Trust and Hope and Faith and Patience other words that go on Pillows. My Christmas promise (is this a thing?) to myself is to try, really really try, to accept and enjoy where we are, because objectively, OBJECTIVELY, it’s really not so bad, like perhaps even Great.

Posted in love, MAWWAGE., narcissism, the future, the making of babies, the worst, whining, words, worrying, YAY | No Comments »

THANKFUL.

November 28th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

THERE ARE LITERALLY NO OTHER WORDS.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

LEATHERWOOD FOREVER

November 26th, 2019 by Bekah Brunstetter

For our third anniversary, Most Amazing Husband Ever who happens to be Mine surprised me with a trip to Leatherwood Mountain resort where we got married, because year 3 is Leather, AND YES I AM JUST NOW PUTTING THIS TOGETHER (LEATHER WOOD.) It’s nestled (literally nestled) in the mountains in Ferguson, NC, It’s just as magical as we left it:

And we don’t want to ever leave, and so our only options are 1.) abandoning our lives, shipping Cracker here via Fedex or 2.) resolving to return to our lives but only after giving the gift shop all of our money in exchange for literally every magnet and coffee mug and hoodie they offer, then returning to our lives but becoming people who only talk about Leatherwood Mountains resort,

Like have you heard of it, and have you been there?, and we got Married there, and we are planning on going there again, and please just Bury us there.

Posted in a lot, i am lucky | No Comments »

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