I dreamt I got a fluffy puppy and named her Roxanne and then we split a chicken pot pie. I’ll talk to you in two days when I hunt down and purchase and actually have a puppy named Roxanne. Or at least a chicken pot pie.
THIS JUST IN: SCARVES ARE FUN TO WEAR. I have just discovered them. They come in various sizes and colors and sometimes have swans upon them. Stick your hands in them! Trap your hair in them! Bury your face in it! Take small naps! Avoid conversations! Compliment your sweater! HIDE FROM THE WORLD!
Yesterday I learned a new word: Portmanteau: N: a combination of two words into one new word. Also yesterday I invented a Portmanteau.
REINDEERVOUS: when two people meet up for the sole purpose of locating reindeer.
My job here is done.
I love how This American Life forces me to think and ponder humans and life all before 9 AM. This morning: Unconditional Love. Apparently, pre-1950s, Love wasn’t even a part of psychology textbooks. Love was not considered an integral part of a parent / child relationship. In fact, parents were warned to not kiss their children more than once a year, lest the children become ‘overkissed,’ which I figure means too needy / fragile / sensitive. Then Harry Harlow came along with his monkey experiment which proved a baby’s need for its mother’s comfort and warmth. Sixty years later, after sixty years of our mothers loving and kissing and complimenting and cuddling and coddling and hugging us aggressively, opening, warmly, I’d say that people are more open to their feelings, more comfortable expressing themselves and expressing love; but also, crazier, driven to therapy, to broken relationships, to bad poetry. Basically, we have like 7,000 more feelings. I say this with the authority of a person who was not alive in 1950, and has never taken a Psychology Class, and who just yesterday learned how to put air in her tires. I of course had to call my Daddy about it, who talked me through it, after assuring me that I am the most incredible person who has ever lived throughout all of time.
Say, are you worried about what to get your loved ones? Anxious over all the money you’re spending? Agonizing over which dress to wear to which fete? Concerned over commercialism? Why just CRUSH A WHOLE CRAPLOAD OF CANDY CANES. LIKE VERY AGGRESSIVELY WITH AN EMPTY WINE BOTTLE. Perhaps you’ll feel better. If not: sprinkle on fudge.
It takes some 50 people to make an episode of TV, and it is not expected, but say, monstrously appreciated, to somehow thank these people / bribe them with confections. Directress Zetna and I selected these massive cakes from a bakery in Burbank to bribe and thank our crew. Note that I am solely responsible for approximately 17% of the damage.
1.) Find the wine at the store.
2.) Is the wine under $20? Does the wine have screw top?
Y: Buy the wine.
N: Don’t buy the wine. Find wine with screw top. Buy that wine.
I have a very specific 7 am on set look which can only be described as orphaned Russian doll on her tenth cup of coffee. Matel should package and sell this look, complete with tiny plastic headset, optimism, bagel, satisfaction, and giant coat for when you sneak away and kind of sleep in your car.