Our (very sweet and very awesome) office manager brought us a bunch of donuts this morning. A hilarious, sort of sullen ‘awwwwww’ and ‘nooooooo’ moved through the room, as there is nothing more terrifying to a group of tv writers who sit on couches all day, steps away from the entire Trader Joe’s snack aisle and then some, than a box full of seasonal carbs. I really have a lot more to say on this topic butnbudafnsafansdfnsdfnasdnfsdnndsffdsnsdnffsnfnnnnnn (DONUTINMOUTH.)
Woman falls in love with pizza despite herself; forgets she loves pizza; remembers she loves pizza. SEQUEL REWRITE? REWRITE SEQUEL?
It is exhausting and impossible and also unnecessary to worry about and want absolutely everything in this tumultuous, constantly changing, massive world. And so, I choose to not care or worry at all about either Ebola or the iPhone 6. DON’T WORRY OR CARE. I’M FREE!
Patroned Knots Scary farms this weekend, in which Knots berry farm, which is a SoCal amusement park owned by people who make Jam? gets overrun by fog machines and halloween mazes and most significantly, SCARE ZONES which are terrifying passageways you must walk through, in which you cannot see anything, and so you cling to your large man, but not even he can shield you from the myriad of scary costumed people who are hired by the park to LEAP OUT OF NOWHERE AND INTO YOUR FACE AND SCREAM AT YOU. They are vampires and wolfs and half dead people and sometimes weird mexican ghosts and sometimes sexy cats with ponytails, missing eyes, and they are terrifying, and you scream even when you see it coming. I want to know everything there is to know about these people. Who are they really? How hard it is to get this job? When they try and scare a person, and the person does not scream, do they get really sad? Do they sit in the breakroom, sharing Kit Kat bars, comparing scares? Do they have MFA’s? Are they alright in the head? I want to know IT ALL.
I’ll never forget the moment when I was eight and my sunday school teacher gave us all brand new two dollar bills for Christmas and I felt like potentially the richest, luckiest girl in the entire world and then I’ll also never forget when 24 years later, my mom gave it back to me, still crisp and safe, having kept it with my birth certificate, and I’ll also never forget exactly how long it just took me to do that Math.
Go ahead. Leave the room for five minutes. He will find your college poetry, and you will find him sheepishly, wickedly reading it.
I ABUSE THEM. SORRY IF
THIS IS ANNOYING
Can someone explain to me what I am actually supposed to be doing this weekend? It would appear that I am supposed to be three different places at once Sunday, and this is just a guess, as 73% of this is illegible. Where is my overeager recent college grad assistant whom I envy, whom I spoil, whom I loathe? Jessica? JESSICA, ARE YOU THERE? JESSICA SAVE ME FROM MY SELF. JUST SIT ME A CHAIR AND EXPLAIN TO ME THAT I CANNOT DO IT ALL. JUST TELL ME WHERE TO BE JESSICA! AND ALSO A LATTE WOULD BE GREAT!
I am very fond of this very soft hoodie shirt thing that I found at one of those SAY, DO YOU HAVE WAY TOO MANY CLOTHES? COME AND SELL YOUR CLOTHES HERE SO THAT OTHER PEOPLE, TOO, MAY HAVE TOO MANY CLOTHES stores. It makes me feel like I’m off to hunt quail for my family, but it’s not okay for girls to hunt, and so my hair is up in a hat, and I’m wearing large pants, and nobody knows I’m a girl, especially not the hunter I’m secretly in love with. Tragic. Bartholomew thinks we’re just friends.
As soon as the temperature dips below 70, I am filled with a sudden and violent need to make pumpkin bread. It happens every year like clockwork. See 2008 and 2009 also 2011 and 2012. I am nothing if not predictable. This year, I’ve got a man friend who is a bit wary of pumpkin bread, and I am very open to adaptation and change so PUMPKIN CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES.