bekah brunstetter
Bekah Brunstetter I care deeply. About a lot of things. Like really, really deep. Ow
playwright in brooklyn, NY
playwright in brooklyn, NY

these jerks

August 31st, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

Phone developer person: People are really happy with our product.

Other phone developer: You’re right, they are.

Phone developer person:…perhaps a little TOO happy.

Other phone developer: you’re RIGHT. They’re far TOO happy.

Phone developer person: In their lives. Just in general.

Other phone developer: What’re you thinking?

Phone developer person: Okay, just go with me….people already spend a lot of time worrying about what people think of them / if they are being rejected / how they are perceived, right?

Other phone developer: yes…yes….

Phone developer person: what if we made them have to look at TINY TEXT BUBBLES THAT MAKE IT EVEN MORE CLEAR THAT SOMEONE HAS READ THEIR WORDS BUT IS ACTUALLY MAKING A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO IGNORE THEM OUT OF SUPERIORITY OR APATHY OR SPITE?

Other phone developer: Okay — so what will it mean, that the person is responding, and then deleting that response? Or –?

Phone developer: WE’LL NEVER TELL THEM. WE’LL MAKE THEM GUESS.

Other phone developer person: I LOVE IT.

Phone developer: ME TOO. LET’S GO SLAP SOME BABIES AND BREAK SOME HEARTS.

Posted in silly, the future, whining, worrying | No Comments »

LEST SHE NEVER FORGET

August 30th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

My bachelorette in Vegas was amazing and ridiculous in every way, involved every thinkable and reproachable bachelorette cliche. IT IS SO LIBERATING TO JUST EMBRACE THE CLICHE BY WHICH I MEAN INFLATABLE PENIS. It was a nearly flawless weekend, except that I was missing my other 3 power sources, Blaine and Carrie and Erin, who are all engaged in various massive life things, babies, moving, etc, and couldn’t make it.  I leave these pictures here so that Bekah five years from now, as she lies literally covered in babies and bills and responsibilities, will never forget.

That time when Julien made MATCHING BRIDESTETTER SHIRTS, see also, the pool:

The first night when we all wore little black things and did tequila shots and managed a group bathtub picture:

The squad, hot and always game:

When we waltzed into a club at midnight, were told to deflate the inflatable penis which was a strange group activity, then we  happened upon a famous DJ, danced til Formation came on,  then bounced:

CREEPY RUSSIAN DOG SHOW (?!)

When we ordered sandwiches that never came:

NEVER FORGET, OLD MOM BEKAH. POUR SOME TEQUILA. SIP IT. WEAR YOUR BRIDE SASH QUIETLY AND ALONE IN YOUR ROOM. NEVER FORGET.

Posted in I'M SO EXCITED, MAWWAGE., YAY, a lot, i am a grown up, love, what my friends are doing, women | No Comments »

BUT HER BUTT

August 29th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

Beyonce’s butt gives me so complicated and surreal feelings, including but not limited to:

- I want to have it

- I want to be friends with it

- I want it to give me life advice

- I want to bounce balls off of it

- I want to bake a pie of it

- I want to be it when I grow up

- I want to die and come back to life as it

- I want to live upon it

Posted in YAY, a lot, famous people stuff, generally, ha, wanting, women | No Comments »

IN SUMMATION 

August 28th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

About last night: I will just let this picture speak for itself. SPEAK, PICTURE, SPEAK.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

SAFETY SASH 

August 27th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

When having your bachelorette weekend, particularly in Vegas, definitely have Julien bring you a surprisingly tasteful bride sash. It sends a polite and subtle BACK OFF MAN, TAKEN, I DO NOT WISH TO BE DANCED WITH OR UPON, I SHALL BE DANCING WITH ONE OF MY BRIDESMAIDS OR MAYBE JUST WITH MYSELF to every nearby man and boy. The result: every nearby man and boy turns respectful, remembers how their mother raised them, wishes you best of luck for the future, ensures you do not fall off of things. 

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

JOYNVY

August 26th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

Tiny little baby brothers Dan and Tim are on a plane right now to Iceland! I myself was there three years ago nearly to the date, gallivanting around and eating tiny lobsters and standing beneath waterfalls and freezing in Magie’s mother’s winter coats near various glacier lagoons. The very thought of my brothers driving around and doing the same things fills me with GIANT GIDDY FEELINGS OF ENVY AND JOY WHICH IS TO SAY, JOYNVY. I’LL JUST CONTINUE TO SIT HERE AND MAKE UP WORDS. HAVE FUN BROSTETTERS!!!

Posted in YAY, a lot, brothers, vacay's | No Comments »

my go-to

August 25th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

One of my favorite things to do is to notice the self-destructive patterns in my own behavior and, you know, not do anything about them. My most recent epiphany: when I find something to worry about, it’s like a blemish on my face. I don’t just acknowledge it and let it just be there, slowly go away. I obsess over it. I pick and I burrow and I pick  until there’s blood gushing down my face and a permanent scar.  I need to learn to  not touch my face, literally or figuratively.

Posted in the future, the whole world, whining, worrying | No Comments »

SHOEPOCRISY

August 24th, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

Me: eeee gonna order my clogs for the wedding!

Morrison:…your what?

Me:….my clogs? For the wedding?

Morrison: You’re going to wear CLOGS?!

Me: Yeah! Like nice strappy white clog things!

Morrison: I just feel like that’s not nice enough.

Me: but I always wear clogs. I can move in them, I feel like myself in them –

Morrison: BAH! YOU CAN’T WEAR CLOGS TO A WEDDING!

Me: FINE FINE I’LL FIND SOME DISNEY PRINCESS SHOES!

Morrison: But also, I will be wearing tennis shoes.

Me: OF COURSE, OF COURSE.

Posted in MAWWAGE., a lot | No Comments »

Standards

August 23rd, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

When I was young, or forming, or, say, age 13-25, my Mom and I would have thrown down fights if my bra straps were even remotely showing. To my mom, if my bra is was showing, I was a girl woman of suggestible morality. For me, if my straps were showing, I was worldly, daring, innovative, carefully apathetic, and basically the coolest person that had ever graced the planet / sale section of Victoria’s Secret. I JUST WANTED TO SHOW MY STRAPS. But I would just like to go on record and state that at some point in the last few years, things changed, and I can NO LONGER STAND THE SIGHT OF MY OWN BRA STRAPS. They are no longer cool. They stand for laziness and a youthfulness I want to grow beyond and ALSO WHAT IS WITH THE FRONT BRA STRAPS NOW?

IT IS NOW COOL TO WEAR YOUR BRA ON YOUR UPPER CHEST. I can’t wait until years from now when I have to talk my teenage daughter out of wearing her bra on her face. MOM I WANT TO WEAR MY BRA ON MY FACE! EVERYONE IS WEARING FACE BRAS MOM,  EVERYONE IS DOING IT MOM *DOOR SLAM* / KARMA.

Posted in the future, what I'm wearing, whining, women | No Comments »

HOT (GROSS)

August 22nd, 2016 by Bekah Brunstetter

LOOK AT MY BODY

IT’S GOT CURVES AND NOT CURVES IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES

ALSO IT’S GOT MY INTESTINES INSIDE OF IT

Posted in ....ew, YAY, what i am NOT wearing, women | No Comments »

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